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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to be tougher around rude people

8 replies

Rosalie21 · 21/07/2021 17:54

I’ve had some workplace bullying in a few different jobs. Even if they think you aren’t competent, there is never any excuse for it.
I left a role I really liked because of the manager. She treated us like we were naughty schoolchildren, even to colleagues who were 20 years her senior.
When I handed in my notice (in the middle of the school year) she hauled me into her office and told me it was really selfish and unfair on the children. That she had ‘put her back on the line for me’ to get me a permanent role. Out of guilt, I decided to stay. However after 2 months I had had enough and quit for good. She didn’t even acknowledge my resignation or speak to me, just then rudely spoke to me in front of everyone and shouted at me for ‘just sitting there’ when I was actually doing work. I told her that and she said “No you weren’t, you were just sat there!”

I had a colleague who I had barely worked with, she didn’t think I was adequate which is her opinion but I caught her slagging me off to other colleagues In the canteen on 3 different occasions. She then walked past and just gave me an icy glare. She never, ever spoke to me if she had any issue but kept talking behind my back.

I’m doing school agency work atm. I was put in a classroom with 2 members of staff, girls in their 20s. One was not welcoming at all, didn’t tell me anything or introduce herself, I asked her name and if I could help her with anything and she just had a face like a wet weekend and was very off. I then saw her in the opposite room doing an impression of me, how i was standing. It’s not even worth confronting or reporting as it seems very petty, I just do not look at her or acknowledge her in any way. Luckily I’m in a different room to her but she passes by a lot.
Sick of people like this, how do you be assertive without causing a scene and making things worse? Should I just ignore it all?

OP posts:
Evianlife · 21/07/2021 17:55

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Especially when they talk to you.

Rosalie21 · 21/07/2021 17:57

That’s what I’m trying to do. She was so nasty doing an impression of me in front of others, it was my very first day and they had literally just said, you’re in this room, bye, so of course initially I was stood a little wondering what to do

OP posts:
YouDoIDo · 21/07/2021 18:18

I FUCKING hate people like this why do they have to be like that. I personally would have to say something to her in front of the other staff like sorry have I offended you in any way as I saw you mimicking me to the others so feel there’s a problem. Why can’t people just be welcoming I have seen this in schools it’s like the teachers think there more important than the TAs. Don’t let people drive you out of a job if you are enjoying it it’s like playground bullying it need nipping in the bud early on or it just escalates and it’s harder to resolve. Good luck OP and remember nobody is better than you x

Arholidau · 21/07/2021 19:04

In my experience this is rife in schools. It’s like some of the staff never get out of that teenage drama mindset! No advice sorry just solidarity as I just leave them all to it at this point!

Rosalie21 · 22/07/2021 10:54

Thanks I’ll just try to ignore it as much as I can and be professional. It just makes them look bad and says a lot more about them

OP posts:
echt · 22/07/2021 11:01

How do you be assertive without causing a scene and making things worse?

You have to take that chance. Being assertive doesn't mean you'll "win". Ignoring them does not say more about them; it might/might not affirm their actions.

She was so nasty doing an impression of me in front of others

Report. Not saying it's easy , but nothing else will have any effect.

PartridgeFeather · 22/07/2021 13:39

"Thanks for your opinion, I completely disagree" to domineering loudmouths and "Is that the best you can do?" to the impressionist.

Confront and challenge with confidence (unless they're violent psychos of course). Bullies and cowards really hate it.

LagneyandCasey · 22/07/2021 13:57

How awful op. There's just no need for behaviour like that. She's probably one of those that spouts out 'Be Kind' all over social media Angry

I think I'd have to say something if she does it again. The mumsnet 'Did you mean to be so rude?' would be good as it throws the ball right back into her court and she'll have to justify her behaviour.

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