DP and annual leave

[NewHufflepuff]

Is DP being unreasonable.
We just had an argument about A/L. DP is recently unemployed but has several interviews in the next couple of weeks. I've been asked to book in any planned A/L for the next few months by the end of the week.

I discussed possible dates with him. He said it would be great for me to have a week off once he's secured a job (so no longer looking) but not yet in post so we could do some fun days out.

I replied 'yeah but we don't know when that will be' in a very offhand way, he immediately said he wished I wouldn't be so difficult all the time and is now really annoyed at me. My view is we really don't know when he'll be offered a job so its not possible to plan around an as yet unknown date 🙄

We tried talking it through but he's majorly pissed and we're at an impass. His view is I'm being 'too negative' and my respose is to always find reasons things won't work out. He feels I like to have things planned out really far in advance and this is a nuisance.

My view is annual leave does need to be booked in advance and at the moment due to covid most activities, restraunt, pubs etc. Neither of us know what he'll be doing in a month and I need to book the leave now so my hands are tied.

It's like he takes any problems I find with a suggestion of his as a personal criticism rather than something to take on board and iron out. I.e.

When we do days out I make an effort to plan things out a little. I don't like it when a day out is completely rubbish because no one's put the tiniest effort into basics. DP has form for this but never seems to learn his lesson. He literally had to cut big plans short last night because he'd organised them so badly and was really disappointed/had a big moan.

Yanbu to think I've not said anything wrong.
Yabu he's right you're being difficult

He sounds extremely tiresome.

How can you book time off for a job he doesn't have?

Is he very dim?
'Cos he sounds it!

Don't understand how you could book it when you have no idea when he'll get a job.

Your reply was logical and I think I would have said something similar. I honestly cannot even think what else you could have replied to the suggestion you book days off for when he has secured a job.

There would be no harm in saying, you will try and book something last minute when he has a start date for a new job.

Book the time off for stuff you want to do if he cant join you then tough

He is probably really freaking out about interviews. On top of his disorganision. He shouldn't be arguing, but eh.

I would compromise that you book 2 weeks after interviews. By then he could hear back and you all will feel ok. If not at least you will havd off to chill.

And how will OP persuade her employer to wait for her bookings until her unemployed and illogical OH gets a job offer?

@billy1966 he's very academic, multiple degrees etc. and previously held down a really "good" job.
@SchrodingersImmigrant I think that's part of it he's had a massive rethink of his career and is finding the transition difficult but he ultimately chose to leave his job he wasn't made redundant. I can't book two weeks off at a time as we're so short staffed.

So dp is monumentally shit at planning and organising so much as a decent night out but thinks you should be able to plan annual leave around his yet to materialise job? Hmmm

I heard about academia and I get why he chose to leave 👀
But yes, he shouldn't be that argumentative even when nervous.

I meant if you can book a week about two weeks after the interviews, not 2 at once. Sorry😁

Maybe he's stressed about being out of work and how to find a job etc. and you're banging on about holidays?

Do you normally get on ok?

I gather its your employer thats asking for your annual leave dates?

Just book some and he'll have to work round them when he gets a job

@VeganVeal

Maybe he's stressed about being out of work and how to find a job etc. and you're banging on about holidays?

Do you normally get on ok?

Did you read the whole OP?

Cos OP didn't make the choice to 'bang on' about holidays. She was having a perfectly normal conversation regarding her employer's perfectly legitimate request!

@VeganVeal I didn't feel I was banging on I just wanted to get his views on what suited him.
@dementedpixie yes my employer wants to know so they can make sure enough staff are in.

Ask him which week you should put down on your A/L submission.

I’d just nod, smile, tell him to let you know by Friday what week to book off and you’ll book it. Then say “I told you so” when it doesn’t tally up with his pie in the sky plan

Why were you off hand with him?

But yeah you can't plan for something that hasn't happened yet like this. Although maybe if he'd got a bit less pissy you could have sat down together and worked out some dates. For example working around his current interviews.

But as he was such hard work fuck that!

@MagnoliaBeige our first conversion was while cooking lunch and I think I was a bit distracted. Later in the afternoon I asked what week he'd like me to book and he told me "to do whatever" but was very cold. He's hardly said two words to me till after dinner when he decided he was ready for me to do some practice questions.

OP,
He sounds very tiresome.

He has resigned his job without going to another?

In this environment?

@billy1966 his job was academic doesn't have a notice period unless it's term time when you have to wait to the end of term so it was now or December but yeah it was risky.
He's having to take what he feels is a step down career wise and he feels a bit disappointed understandably. I've been as supportive as I can reading over every single application etc.
I think you've hit the nail on the head about tiresome.

You have to book time off by the end of the week so obviously you need to decide by the end of the week. So YANBU.

But what he’s heard is “Your interviews will probably not lead to a job so I won’t bother thinking they will”.

Why don’t you plan around the possibility of him getting offered a job after a second interview in 3-4 weeks (or whatever)?