To find life boring

[nightowl77]

Does anyone else find life dull? I live in the London suburbs so with a big city on my doorstep, there's no excuse really. But I have a toddler and find it such an effort to go anywhere with him - it's easier just to stay home. I also find it tedious how nothing can be spontaneous nowadays thanks to sodding Covid - you can't just walk into a museum for example, everything has to be booked in advance.

Every day is the same old routine of getting up, emptying the dishwasher, cooking, cleaning, dealing with a shouting toddler. I've tried taking pleasure in the simple things, like gardening and cooking, but I don't find them particularly enjoyable if I'm honest.

DS usually goes to a couple of baby classes every week but we haven't been this week because it's so darn hot.

We did go on a short UK break recently but now that's over there's nothing much to look forward to.

I work part time in a job that I always wanted to do. But even that I'm finding monotonous. I also feel tired and lethargic a lot of the time (though this weather isn't helping).

How do I change things up and get some fun and excitement back in my life?

Ikwym. I go through phases like this. There doesn't seem to be an easy answer. I just ride it out until I don't feel like that anymore. Sorry I know that's not much help.

Join a really nice gym with a nice pool? I had 2 under 2 and being able to take them to a nice clean pool with easy, clean changing was great. Meant they exercised and learned water confidence and i felt less bad about TV time once home.

Set yourself a challenge to visit a different park/play area/library each week. Make a packed lunch the night before and have everything ready to go then get up and out in the morning. Most areas have play areas so go exploring. Different public libraries have different offers for small children and they're all free and no booking so a great way of mixing it up.

Thanks both. Everything just seems like such a massive exhausting effort.

Yes. I also live in London and have a shouting toddler. I can’t be arsed with hardly anything any more due to a combination of the weather/the unrelaxing nature of going on public transport with a small child/having to book. Like a PP I usually just wait it out, but this has current phase has been dragging on for a while, probably as the things I used to enjoy (holidays, paining, art galleries) aren’t something I can do without taking into account my children, so the lack of spontaneity kills it for me. I’m trying not to be too negative.

If you can afford it I would put your toddler in a nursery for half a day or a full day a week. And give yourself some free time. I dont think there's an easy answer. But don't feel guilty about finding it tedious.

@nightowl77

Thanks both. Everything just seems like such a massive exhausting effort.

That sounds like you may be bordering on mild depression. If someone were to arrange something for you, would you look forward to it, or would it still seem a massive exhausting effort just to get there?

there's nothing much to look forward to.
If you don't think you're verging on depression, then you need to create something to look forward to - even trivial things like finding an event to celebrate in the house, and work out how you can mark it out as different. Even things like taking a picnic into the garden, or into rooms you don't normally eat in, can break the monotony a bit.

If that leaves you feeling "of I can't be bothered", then re-think whether you might be verging on depression. In which case, either talk to your GP (I know, not easy at the moment), or tell yourself it's an illness, it will pass, and meanwhile be nice to yourself like you'd do if you had a really bad cold. I think this is a bit like what Amboseli is saying.

Don't blame yourself - the toddler phase isn't one I'd willingly go through again. You've got the glorious primary school age ahead of you, when they're full of curiosity, wanting to find out about things and able to talk about them with you.

Yes. I find life so boring. I used to find it easier to get joy out of little things, and I used to enjoy spending lots of time at home doing bits and bobs. But now I'm soo bored of it all.

Hmm, I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel sad as such. Just overcome by a massive sense of lethargy and ennui.

I go through stages like this although with a shouting 3 yr old and backchatting 6 yr old. My tips are plan something for the weekend to look forward to - we went fruit picking recently, then we usually plan a trip to a further away park or pool or something so we’ve left our own little bit. Second, carve out space in the day for yourself. Mine is post 7pm once the kids are in bed. What do you like to do? I exercise or do something creative (sewing). Or watch TV!

You have to kick yourself out of the rut of doing the same thing on repeat with your DC. Even if it feels like more effort than it's worth, go new places, do new things, meet new people. Even if your toddler goes off like a bomb and you go home swearing never again, at least you won't be bored.

Also book in something like a weekend away with your DP and something equivalent with your friends. Even if you can't be arsed, just do it anyway. Keep things moving rather than letting them stagnate.

Btw it is true that you have to book stuff in advance, but you can normally book the Army museum and Museum of London without a wait. My DS recently enjoyed the V&A purely because they have an excellent big paddling pool in the courtyard.

I hate the fact everything has to be booked in advance. I can’t guarantee my DC won’t be sick or just not in the mood days/weeks in advance and obviously can’t predict the weather. Really miss spontaneous trips out.

Keep things moving rather than letting them stagnate.

@TheYearOfSmallThings That’s exactly what I’m doing - stagnating!

Are the museums in central London particularly busy at the moment now schools have broken up?

It's not relevant in the intense heat heat, but in London there are so many nice parks. My DH (a SAHD) often spends the whole day out and about with our DD (age 2) in various parks around London, they have a nice time going to the playground, looking at flowers, insects etc, meeting out toddlers, having a picnic or lunch in the park cafe. Worth a shot to explore somewhere new (esp if you can drive).

Also - going to the library is quite a fun trip, and then you have books to read at home (over and over again but still).

I don't know this week tbh. But the advantage of the booking system is that there won't be anything like the usual numbers when you get there, and since there are few tourists and lots of people avoiding central London...there has never been a better time!

Btw if you don't mind mentioning which direction you live, someone local will give great suggestions.

I have definitely felt like this often, particularly when the DC were small. Two things which helped: time outside always made/makes me feel more alive. Garden if you have one, park if you don't. Park is great with toddler even if you do have a garden! And talking to an adult. Shop assistant was enough. Actually random old woman on street asking about the children worked! Just something to help you get out there and feel connected. Friends, family and volunteering in some way help for the same reason.

How about learning something new? Something that doesn't necessarily require you leaving the house? (I know leaving the house is a good thing, but it's also great having a thing to do when you can't or don't want to go anywhere!)

I took up knitting and crochet ages ago, am learning a new language, and am also learning tai chi (from YouTube) . I know that doesn't sound very adventurous, but it's great to do something a bit creative or brain-stimulating and feel like you're making progress and getting somewhere with it! It all definitely makes me feel like life's more enjoyable and purposeful tuan just housework etc!