AIBU to feel like society puts so much pressure…

[Kiwiinparis]

On everyone to have the best of the best, a beautiful house, expensive car, exotic and expensive holidays while bringing up kids and paying for day to day life.

Where I live you are seen as being successful or having made it by having most of the above categories ticked off.

Do I have the mindset of a dying generation that paying off your mortgage quicker, having savings in the bank and being financially stable is far more important?

I feel like society these days is so focused on the way they look to everyone else and that success is measured in what physical items you own rather than how smart you are with money and being financially responsible.

In particular what you see on social media of men and women who seem to “have it all” and yet in reality half have maxed out credit cards and little to no savings in the bank.

How does everyone else here judge success in others?

I live on a nice estate and we own a 5 bedroom house but we have a 10 year old car and we don’t go abroad. DC have nice clothes because I don’t like ‘fast fashion’ and prefer stuff that’s long lasting and can be passed on when they’re done with it. We prioritise money by making sure we go on nice trips out, odd ‘staycation’, pay for NT, EH and RSPB memberships every month etc. We’re comfortable so we could afford a flashier car but we wouldn’t be as comfortable and there’s just no need for it really.

Everyone just prioritises different things. Some prefer to buy designer labels and the most recent and expensive technology for example. I have zilch interest in that.

I've never been part of a circle like that tbh, and wouldn't want to! I live fairly rurally, which probably helps. I honestly don't feel under pressure to spend lots of money on looks or expensive cars, holidats etc at all. I'm not immune to coveting nice stuff I see on social media, but that's on commercial accounts I look at, not people I know and want to 'keep up with the Joneses' with iyswim. If someone I knew got a really fancy car, I'd just think "Why on earth spend so much money on a car?!" tbh .

'Society' isn't you. One of the great things about getting older is that you realize that the only person who can determine what your happiness requires - is you.

What you think of as 'society' is not the real world. It's a stitched-up mix of marketing, boasting, TV nonsense and social media.

You're very lucky to be in the top 10% of the most wealthy people in the world as you are able to own property and think about paying off a mortgage etc. Definitely don't give in to the competition over your house, car, holidays etc.

I don't define success financially at all. I think being a successful human being is to live your life according to your core values and to have a positive influence on other people/the world!

YABU. Life is for living. If you have the money, holidays and days out and lovely things are worth it.

No point having a load of money in the bank if you’re not going to enjoy it. You can’t spend it when you’re dead 🤷‍♀️

What you think of as 'society' is not the real world. It's a stitched-up mix of marketing, boasting, TV nonsense and social media.

That is a very good point!

@Fruityfriday

I don't use any social media but I have friends that like to portray that life whist up to their eyeballs in debt, I'm sure they think my life is pretty mediocre but in reality ive: Bought my 10yr old up alone to be a happy little boy who is polite and kind Paid off my mortgage (bought house for 30k in 1997) A nice car 2013 plate but nice Bought a tent for a camping holiday And dropped my hrs to 3 days a week so I can have quite time with my son. Those things matter to me for than anything else.

Sounds like a Peaceful life most would dream of. Well done. to me, you've definitely made it

I'm immune to car adverts too. My DH doesn't really care either.
However I notice my children have been very influenced into car brand love by some outside influence!😏

Lots of pressure in the 90s, Dh and I were poor in comparison to many of his friends. It was horrible really even though we both worked.
We don't see them now ( a few are still very wealthy I would imagine !!)
I am happier now, but back then it was all about what you earned and what you had, I don't think much has changed in that respect to be honest. I think that I thought too much about it back then, comparison is the thief of joy ( wished I had realized that then)
I admit I was a bit jealous, but I wouldn't be now so maybe age just mellows you out a bit ?
I count my blessings a lot more these days.

Agree with you on best of the best for houses and cars, but not the bit about paying off mortgage early and sacrificing experiences like holidays. There's a balance, I'm not going to over pay my mortgage (dramatically) whilst I have a young family, I'd much rather we spent our disposable income on (I'm very sorry for this very un-mumsnet cheesy phrase) making memories. You live once and for me travel and family days out are a huge part of that, what use is a paid off mortgage to me in my 40s when my kids have almost grown? I don't understand strangling myself in my 20s and 30s to be financially free-er in my 50s when I have less responsibility (just to say we have all the insurance we can get and excellent pensions, a house we love, but just not overpaying much right now whilst we are in the throes of family life).

@madmomma

Success to me means options. The option to be with loved ones as much as you want to, or to be able to do a meaningful job, not necessarily one which is financially rewarding. Because either or both of those things mean a life to look back on without regret.

I think this sums up how I feel. We’re fairly well off, but you probably wouldn’t guess from looking. That’s out of choice rather than necessity. We’re not interested not interested in fancy cars or holidays, and I buy my clothes from eBay so our money goes into pensions and investments instead. If we every fancy something luxurious we buy it, but most of the time we don’t.

Its been like that since the 1980s, and it could be foreseen in Sci fi dystopia fiction/film before that.

Why is anybody surprised?

YABU.
Social media depends on whom you follow. There’s no generic ‘social media’ that shows everyone the same thing. In fact I follow lots of recycling and budgeting channels and most influencers in that category.

Also I’m a relatively high earner in a field full of them - nobody cares about flashy things.

I have found the attitude you describe but in either the super rich /upper class or people who are social climbers. It’s not widespread.

Just listening to something on the radio where people are prioritising big expensive wedding over buying an house. Madness. Also assume these are the same people who will be crying over not being able to afford a house in a couple of years.

Changing house colour schemes/car/entire wardrobe every 3 years is the epitome of our wasteful society. 'Keeping up' with anyone si an utter waste of time.

The plant and gardening instagram side has grown massively and it's beautiful to watch.
Big fan of SM here.
But that might be because I rarely post on private ones where I have only real friends anyway, I have separate SM accounts for different interests so they can be public and follow specific stuff, I follow exactly 0 influencers (i think). Oh. And I turned off ALL notifications. Bliss.
Missed me with that promo pressure shit😁

Changing house colour schemes

While i agree with the rest, I do this. But in my case it's paint, maybe a wallpaper and new cushion covers. All that is bot worn out by the time anyway so it's good timing