To expect H to support me in discipline matters?

[2sugars]

This happens ALL the time, this morning is just an example.

DD1 HATES fabric conditioner, DD2 likes the smell. Setting aside dd1's aversion to washing anything (I thought we'd got over that one) it seemed reasonable - as it was the end of the week - to wash her school sweatshirt. Except that I made a mistake and Bounced dd1's, not dd2's.

After calmly gliding through the kitchen this morning, to cries of 'I hate you! You WASHED it and it smells! I hate you!' and calmly ignoring it, H disappears upstairs and announces he's going to get another one.

At which point, I lost it. It's not only that he doesn't support me in anything I do, it's almost like he's trying to score points with the dds by offering them an alternative. I was all with the 'well, you'll have to get cold then, won't you?' school of thought (it's not as if I'd rubbed it in dog shit) and then he goes and completely undermines me, as if he agrees with her.

Sorry, rant over. I've just got back from school and it's ruined my whole effing day.

Can't help thinking that his approach got them out the door quicker...

You made a mistake (as you admitted) in that you know your dd1 doesn't like the smell so you don't usually use conditioner on her clothes.

Given that you made a mistake I think it's quite fair to rectify the mistake. Making your dd wear the top anyway seems to me to making an unecessary battle out of something. I'd maybe have had a word about the way she complained about it but I'd have changed the sweatshirt too.

However it does sound like you and your dh need to talk about your views on raising children and how and when you want to apply disclipline etc.

wouldnt you have ever given in?

2sugars no yanbu

i disagree with the other two posters and totally agree withyou
sounds v similar to my dh o be honest he is fro the ;anything for an easy life 'school of parenting

imo yourdd1 will have to learn to cope with the fabric conditioner - i would say -'fine dont like it - go without' she is lucky to have a lovely clean sweatshirt
dh should not undermine you

er, is this the dd of the frozen uniform fame ?

I'd have got her another one after she'd apologised to me for being so rude.

2sugars, yanbu!!! Your H should support you no matter what he thinks - button it I say! My dh and I made a rule that we will support each other when it comes to discipline in front of the kids. If we secretly disagree, we'll talk about it out of earshot.
You are right.

Thanks to everyone. DD1 came home and said 'Sorry' as soon as she walked in the door, so I know, unlike what mum said (she'll have forgotten it by the time she comes home) that she didn't. And neither bloody well did I.

I'm glad she apologised

LIZS. The very same

I don't think I'm crap at discipling my children - I just think that a bit of support might not be amiss. It just seems like everytime I try and enforce something, he will undermine it.

I must change my MN persona (again). Have had a rotten ten years. Hope some of you know who I was once, 'cos it seems like I'm going to have to change again.

Any clues on how? xx He can access my wireless emails from our PC.

At least she apologised. I'd have taken the same line as you tbh - like it or leave it, you made a genuine mistake. Presumably she knew there was another in her drawer she could fetch rather than just rant. Unless she has genuine sensory issues attached to this, she is out to control you and knows she can play one off against the other. It sounds to me as if she is looking for boundaries to be enforced not concessions every time something isn't "right".