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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Marital bed

25 replies

Frumpygrumpy1 · 20/07/2021 22:02

Aibu? My dp and I have lived together for a while, we have a lot of new furniture that we have bought together including our bed.

My DP has today brought all his furniture from his old house to mine, including his bed. It's better quality than the one we bought together so we swapped it.

On closer inspection the mattress looks quite old and stained so we had a chat and it turns out this is his old marital bed.

I don't want it.

He is understanding but says it is just a bed, just furniture but we can change it. Am I being precious?

OP posts:
NatriumChloride · 20/07/2021 22:04

Nope, you’re not being precious. I’d want a new bed too.

HollysBush · 20/07/2021 22:04

Umm, I’d be fine with the frame, but defo get a new mattress!

MonkeyPuddle · 20/07/2021 22:05

It wouldn’t bother me that it was the old marital bed, but the stains and grossness would do.

ketchupman · 20/07/2021 22:05

Also fine with the frame but get a new mattress. If you feel icky about it though just get a new bed.

Notaroadrunner · 20/07/2021 22:06

I'd use it in a spare room but wouldn't sleep in it.

PinkDaffodil2 · 20/07/2021 22:06

Keep the bed, new mattress!

NinDS · 20/07/2021 22:07

Defo new mattress.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 20/07/2021 22:07

with the new bed mattress not swap onto his bed frame?

I'd be fine with the frame, but stains... no ta!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/07/2021 22:07

It's probably worn out if it's had long enough to acquire stains. Which will be crap for your back, apart from any ewww factor (which I think is also perfectly reasonable to object to).

Definitely insist upon a new mattress. You'll be so glad you did.

Greenmarmalade · 20/07/2021 22:07

I’d get rid of all of the bed!!

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 20/07/2021 22:08

will, not with!

LizzieSiddal · 20/07/2021 22:08

No you aren’t being precious. I wouldn’t want the mattress or the frame! Ask him to get rid of it as you won’t be sleeping in it.

Wowzel · 20/07/2021 22:10

We've got the bed my husband bought with his last girlfriend, but it has a new mattress

user27424799642256 · 20/07/2021 22:14

Is it more than 8 years old?

I wouldn't want to sleep on an old, stained mattress if I had a choice, regardless of symbolism.

Original poster
Frumpygrumpy1 · 20/07/2021 22:15

I think the new mattress is a good idea but I don't want the frame either.

Beds are so intimate, It's just feels all wrong.

We have other furniture from his previous house/marriage and it doesn't bother me at all. This just feels icky

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/07/2021 22:16

Yeah I’d not want that, but didn’t it occur to you of it came from his old home it was his marital bed?

NumberTheory · 20/07/2021 22:22

If the mattress is no good then swap it, but swap it because it's no good not because he happens to have had sex on it with someone else before he was with you. Huge waste of emotional energy and resources to assign symbolism to it when he's already left her and is with you. Whatever bed you sleep on, he will have shagged her just as many times, he will have enjoyed it just as much and he will have left just as long ago. If you aren't confident in his attraction to you then it's not the bed that needs to go.

Original poster
Frumpygrumpy1 · 20/07/2021 22:23

No I didn't! They lived together after they seperated whilst arrangements were made and he said it was the bed from the spare room. I assumed it was a spare room bed, not a pre marital bed that got relegated to spare room

OP posts:
LotsoTheStrawberryBear · 20/07/2021 22:25

I still sleep in my old marital bed (was a wedding pressie) with my 'new' partner. Its just a bed.

LaProcureure · 20/07/2021 22:26

Me and DH sleep on his old bachelor pad bed (and it saw quite a lot of action), can’t say it bothers me.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/07/2021 22:26

@Frumpygrumpy1

I think the new mattress is a good idea but I don't want the frame either.

Beds are so intimate, It's just feels all wrong.

We have other furniture from his previous house/marriage and it doesn't bother me at all. This just feels icky

Well, as you often get a better deal on a mattress when you buy a new bed, fair enough.
Minniem2020 · 20/07/2021 22:27

Nope. It'd have to go

tootiredtospeak · 20/07/2021 22:28

New mattress

Original poster
Frumpygrumpy1 · 20/07/2021 22:51

@NumberTheory

If the mattress is no good then swap it, but swap it because it's no good not because he happens to have had sex on it with someone else before he was with you. Huge waste of emotional energy and resources to assign symbolism to it when he's already left her and is with you. Whatever bed you sleep on, he will have shagged her just as many times, he will have enjoyed it just as much and he will have left just as long ago. If you aren't confident in his attraction to you then it's not the bed that needs to go.
I'm confident in his attraction to me, he's a wonderful man and I've never felt more loved.

He just feels differently about it than I do. Our relationship is a new beginning for us both after years of unhappiness so I want a clean slate.

And a new bed.

(Or our old one from spare room)

OP posts:
BrandNewHeretic · 20/07/2021 22:55

I'm currently sleeping in my DHs marital bed from his marriage to his ex wife 🙈 I don't like it but we can't afford to replace it so I just try not to think about it.

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