To not have let him have the day off?

[carnassiere]

DS is 15, he finishes school on Friday. This morning, me and DH kept telling him to hurry up as he was going to be late but he kept shouting that he was getting dressed and told us not to go in his room. This went on for about half an hour, until DH told me he didn't believe he was getting dressed as it wouldn't have taken him that long, DH then went into his room and DS was still in bed on facetime. DS told him to go away and that he has ‘no respect’ for going into his room when he was told not too.

When DH went to work, DS came downstairs and told me he couldn't be bothered to go to school and that he'd be late anyway and asked me to tell the school he's unwell. I said no and told him to get dressed or id take his devices off of him, he did get dressed and I took him to school but he kept complaining about how it was unfair and asked why I was forcing him to go and that he was going to get into trouble for being late.

WIBU for sending him?

YANBU

We all have bad days and sometimes we have to power through!

No you clearly anbu.

Why is this even a question?

God Lord, no!! I'd have dragged him in school wearing the worst, embarrassing outfit I could muster!!

Why on earth would you be unreasonable to enforce school attendance. Assuming he’s not ill and there’s not some massive underlying bullying issue or something, then he’s supposed to be at school and your job is to ensure he is there. Why would he get a day off “because he can’t be bothered”?! Him being in trouble for being late is his own fault.

No, you're not BU.
We all have to do things that we don't want to.
Frankly, if he had spoken to my Husband like that, he would have found himself being tipped out of bed with it being upended and his devices being locked away until he learned to do as he's told.

You weren’t unreasonable for sending him. But your son was unreasonable for his attitude and the way he spoke to you both

So he’ll be in trouble for being late - boo bloody hoo. It’s his own fault!

I have let him have an odd day off in the past if he cant be bothered to go as his attendance is good but today I said no as there's not many days left until the summer holidays and me and Dh have noticed it's always a Tuesday that he doesn't want to go so presumably it's a lesson he doesn't like.

YANBU to telling him he had to go in, but YABU if you didn't try to dig deeper into why he was so unkeen to go to school.

He said he's worried about getting into trouble for lateness. But he's 15, and chances are that if lateness is really what he's worried about then he would have avoided being late by getting out of bed.

@carnassiere

I have let him have an odd day off in the past if he cant be bothered to go as his attendance is good but today I said no as there's not many days left until the summer holidays and me and Dh have noticed it's always a Tuesday that he doesn't want to go so presumably it's a lesson he doesn't like.

What the fuck?

Have you ever talked to him about this given you're saying there's a pattern and you have let him skip Tuesdays before?

Why have you let him have days off in the past just because he can’t be bothered to go in?

Sounds like he needs support rather than avoidant coping skills.

You let him have the odd day off when he can't be bothered to go to school??

I think you did the right thing in making him go.
However I do wonder if there is something more than “not being bothered” to go in. Could there be an issue he is trying to avoid, such as bullying or an issue with a friend? Often teenagers hide issues and come across as grumpy/lazy when really they are struggling or worried about something.

I’d let my child have a very occasional day off if their attendance was generally good and they felt tired or I felt they needed the break. However I wouldn’t do it just because they woke up and felt like not going in.

Yes, I let him stay at home if he doesn't want to go but it used to be very rare (once every few months for example). But recently its been a lot more frequent, once every few weeks, and it always seems to be on a Tuesday but then he goes without any issues for the rest of the week.

@carnassiere

Yes, I let him stay at home if he doesn't want to go but it used to be very rare (once every few months for example). But recently its been a lot more frequent, once every few weeks, and it always seems to be on a Tuesday but then he goes without any issues for the rest of the week.

If there is a pattern I’d try to find what’s behind it. Maybe a class he’s worried about or a class with an unkind peer in it.

Avoidance won’t help generally but maybe you can help him manage whatever the issue is.

So how many times have you let him have days off? Have you never asked him why he doesn’t want to go in? What does he do on the days he doesn’t go in?

I have let him have an odd day off in the past if he cant be bothered

Shot yourself in the foot there. You've given him the impression you think school is optional and there is no problem when he doesn't attend as his parents will support. Once they get that idea into their heads it is difficult to reverse the logic when your idea of occasionally differs from his.

I would delve deeper into the Tuesday thing. There's always a reason. Who was he facetiming?
It may not be anything sinister but I'd like to know his timetable and who he is sitting next to as well

I've let him have days off since year 7 as he used to be extremely tired (but it was rare) but as he's got older he's started saying he can't be bothered to go and wants to stay in bed etc.

When he's not at school, he's either playing on his Xbox or he goes back to sleep.

When he's not at school, he's either playing on his Xbox or he goes back to sleep.

Is he getting enough sleep at night, or is he up playing on his Xbox into the early hours?

According to the nhs, teenagers should get 8-10 hours of sleep per night.

Are you a SAHM?

If so if you give him a day off then make sure he works, washing, cleaning, gardening.

Also find out what he dislikes about Tuesdays.

Do you discipline him in anyway? If DS said he didn't want to go to school, for whatever reason, and I though he would benefit from a day off, he wouldn't be getting a day on the x-Box