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Feel down about lack of friends

9 replies

Thechainsmokers12 · 20/07/2021 06:47

My boyfriend also pointed out to me last night that I don’t have much luck with friends and he doesn’t understand why, he’s right.

I can think of 2 close friends I have and even then I see them less than once per month. One of them is a very easy going guy who’s always out and about and happy for anyone to come along.

The other is a lady in her 40s (I’m 30) who’s been a great friend for years, but even sometimes when I’m meeting her she seems a little flat, as if she’s annoyed or bored. She’s also like that in texting though so it may just be how she is.

People seem to like me as in they think I’m nice and kind, but I think I just lack the charisma it takes to make them want a friendship. Left a job this week and one girl asked for my social media details which was nice.

I’m introverted, have my partner and family and keep busy with my job and hobbies. Usually try to pretend I don’t care but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

There’s a group of girls I went to high school with. We probably meet a couple of times a year but the last time it just wasn’t enjoyable at all. Out of the 5 of them, not one of them asked me anything about myself with the exception of one at the very end. One girl kept asking about my boyfriend though and telling me to bring him which is nice, but makes me think either she fancies him or just finds him more interesting than me. I don’t think I’ll meet up with them again, hardly see them anyway.

Anyone else feel like this? I just feel embarrassed. My partner took a nice photo of me yesterday so I put it on social media, and none of these friends liked it. I know I’m being petty, but I feel if it were one of theirs they’d be all over it like “Oh wow you look stunning.”

Not sure what to do.

OP posts:
OneHundredTrees · 20/07/2021 06:54

I used to feel the same, OP. I left school at 15 due to being ill, lost all my friends, and wasn't better until I was 22, so I missed out on a lot of opportunities to make any friends and it's harder when you're older! I'm naturally a home bod and shy too.

I made the odd friend through jobs, but it was when I started volunteering (oddly enough, the volunteering is done remotely from home!) But I met so many new friends through this - it's been life changing for me so I understand how awful it can be to feel lonely.

So I can only suggest doing hobbies, volunteering etc but do things you love, not just for the sake of it if that makes sense, then you're more likely to meet your people :)

TeamNegan · 20/07/2021 07:08

I’m in the same boat as you OP. I’m 31 and I really don’t have any friends I can count on, it’s incredibly hard and it gets me down every day. No idea how to make friends either, I’ve tried everything with no success! So no advice but sympathy Flowers

Thechainsmokers12 · 20/07/2021 07:26

Sorry to hear you’ve been in the same situation, and thanks for the suggestions re volunteering. I’ve got several acquaintances, but very very few that I would call close friends.

It just put me off meeting with those old school friends again, especially the one who seems into my partner. She has her own partner too which just seems disrespectful, but anyway it’s a group of women that very rarely meet up or speak as it is.

I guess it is harder as you get older

OP posts:
MoreAloneTime · 20/07/2021 07:29

Luck does come into it I reckon. Good social skills only help if you actually get to meet the right people to be friends with. Sometimes you increase the odds of meeting the right people by making the effort to go to places and try things but sometimes you can do everything right and still end up with nothing.

HalzTangz · 20/07/2021 07:32

I agree with finding a hobby or something, have you thought about doing in course in something that interests you. I think if you focus on doing something you really enjoy you'll end up meeting other like minded people. Giving you something in common to start the basis of a friendship

Manzanilla55 · 20/07/2021 07:35

Try meet up groups .

OceanTurtles · 20/07/2021 07:36

I used to have a small group of friends and over the years realised they really shat on me at any opportunity. One is such a narc and would always try to be little me or give me the silent treatment for nothing. When I had my son it was like a light switched on and I thought wtf.

Another friend who I helped with her children as the dad wasn't around for either of them hasn't spoken to me since I had my son. Which I'm fine with.

I've got no friends at all now. Sometimes it can be pretty isolating when you don't have anyone to speak to. I have tried making new friends but none seem interested.

I don't want to be shat on and abused so guess I'll have to wait and see if anyone actually wants to be my friend (I doubt it!) Grin.

Thechainsmokers12 · 20/07/2021 07:46

I will have to keep trying, I just feel like if I went to these meet-ups that they wouldn’t be interested enough to be my friends. I know quite a few people who would be perfectly polite if I contacted them but would never get in touch with me first.

OP posts:
OneHundredTrees · 21/07/2021 17:56

You sound very down on yourself, OP :(

I totally get how it can affect you but it does sound like your self esteem is very low when you say people wouldn't be interested in you.

I've found being genuinely interested in others and asking questions, remembering things they've said to catch up on later etc, really helps form a friendship from acquaintance into a closer friend.

How is your confidence generally? What are your hobbies/interests?

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