To be hurt by friend ghosting me

[NeedingAGoodNap]

My friend of over 5 years has seemed to have ghosted me. She has stopped replying to messages and reacting to social media posts. It’s been 3-4 months of no reply now. I’m feeling very hurt, almost like it’s a break up. I don’t know what I have done and if it’s my fault :(

We were close but had drifted a little in the year leading up due to work, covid and I have an almost 1 year old. But I’m not sure why she has disappeared on me, especially at a time that I really needed my friends more then ever.

I’m tempted to remove her from social media and leave our WhatsApp chat because what’s the point?

AIBU to be hurt?

As you may not know what is going on in her life right now, rather than removing her rom social media , maybe unfollow her soon don’t see her posts. This kind o behaviour an be any number o thing, including your friend being depressed. Withdrawing and not taking part in things is one external sign. I’d think either perhaps letting things drift for now, leaving the door open if she comes back. Or perhaps a message that you’re thinking of her, hope she’s well and if she needs anything, you’re there for her.

Have you asked if she's OK?

Aren’t you able to actually phone her to try any speak with her and ask her if she’s ok?

If you’re like me OP then the thought of ringing her when she has been ignoring you is completely off the table.
Though I did love your username @SteveArnottsWaistcoat

@JustJoinedRightNow

If you’re like me OP then the thought of ringing her when she has been ignoring you is completely off the table. Though I did love your username *@SteveArnottsWaistcoat*

I would find that difficult too JustJoined

I have messaged her to ask if she was ok and got a short reply back. This was around March.

I love your user name too OP :)

Could you try sending her a message directly and asking how she’s doing?

I would definitely call her before cutting her off. Messages just aren’t the same.

Thanks for the suggestions guys - good idea about not deleting her of social media so the door can stay open. I guess I’m just hurt at the sudden disappearance. It was right around the time I was really starting to struggle being a new mum, back at work, and in covid lockdowns. I hadn’t spoken to her about it before she ghosted but I’m hurt that she wasn’t there

Ah just saw your update. Is there any reason you suspect she might have withdrawn? Is it worth a last ditch message checking if she’s upset with you for some reason?

Might not be relevant here, but bear in mind too that a lot of people have withdrawn from interactions with friends over the last year. There are people I haven’t spoken to, not because I’m upset with them in any way, but because I’ve found it hard to maintain that level of functioning with everything going on — I’ve kind of gone into hibernation a bit at times.

It's probably the baby... does she have DCs herself? What is her life like compared to yours?

Sounds like she’s phasing you out. Don’t hang onto the past and especially don’t chase after a friendship with someone who doesn’t like you.

Does she have a child?
I found that as I became a parent my life moved in a different direction to some of my friends and the relationships fizzled out.
I found it hurtful because my child was quite poorly and I spent a lot of time with them on my own. I could have done with some support but messages to meet up went unanswered or they would respond with a date in a couple of months time.
I wondered initially if they felt uncomfortable being around a sick child. Then I wondered if I was the problem. It’s only now I realise we just didn’t have very much in common anymore.
I didn’t delete anyone or have a big fall out but I also don’t want to give the very little free time I have now to people who disappeared when times were tough.

It’s really sad when this happens. My best friend of 20 years ghosted me; when she finally replied to a text she said she just didn’t like me anymore and didn’t see us being friends in her future. I was honestly distraught and it really did feel like a breakup. Almost all of my memories involved her, there’d been no hint of a fallout and none of our friends could believe it had happened. In the end I just let it drop and decided to move on with my life. It’s almost two years on and I do feel sadness about it but also, have accepted we’re clearly very different people.

I would absolutely block her. I have been ghosted by to people and its flipping painful. I don't care what's going on, if you love someone you should never treat them as disposable or with such little regard for their feelings. It's toxic. That said I would send one more message and just say that you feel ghosted, it's painful, could she let you know if she wants a relationship because you're assuming she doesn't. If this doesn't get an answer then you know.

@MysteriousMonkey yep it’s surprisingly painful! It’s just such a horrid way to treat someone.

@LongTimeMammaBear thats true. She has disappeared on us before when struggling with her mental health but it wasn’t for this long. I’ve also seen a few social media posts where she was doing social things like attending a hens night.