To be worried about health visitor check

[youngandbroken]

I have a health visitor coming round tomorrow to discuss my mental health. Things have been bad for a long time now and unfortunately I am just being passed around from service to service with no actual help being given. I haven't been coping well with housework at all and I'm really worried about that I've had a tidy up of the living room and children's room so those are clean and tidy, but I still have a mountain of washing in my basket, a tonne of washing drying and piles of clean clothes yet to be put away (we do always have clean clothes but just not always in the wardrobe) , I have done the washing up from earlier on today but now have washing up from dinner which I need to do but I also need to clean the bathroom and my bedroom is a complete disaster zone because I haven't had the motivation to do it. I am embarrassed with the state of my home. My children are clean, they are well fed and happy but I don't take care of myself very well. My youngest is extremley shy, she is 2 and has always been this way and I'm worried that it might be a concern. She does have a lovely personality and shows it when she's alone with me, my partner and her sister but around others she goes very quiet and prefers to sit on my lap the whole time, my eldest is extremley outgoing though. I am terrified that SS will become involved because my mental health has been bad for so long and isn't improving because I am not receiving any help. I know they will have been informed of my family already because of a suicide attempt in February but they have not been in touch with me about it, but I think I was incredibly lucky with that and I'm scared to engage with any more services now just in case. I do take care of my children, but I also know that on some level my mental health will be having an impact on them and I feel terrible about that - but I don't want to lose them and I'm terrified.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Haven’t GP suggested medication and/or CBT?
Can’t partner do housework too?
I always have a mountain of washing to do!!

I am on antidepressants but they have only just been changed because the maximum dose of sertraline wasn't having the effect they hoped for, I had an appointment for CBT but was told by the therapist that it wasn't suitable for me and from there the mental health team have just been referring me to different services who all seem to want to send me elsewhere. I don't think its their fault I know that services are very stretched at the moment it is very frustrating though. My partner works 6 days a week, he does try to help when he's home but doesn't seem to see what needs doing alot of the time.

Op your house sounds normal unless there's stuff you're not telling us.
Your children sound cared for and loved.
But it's not fair on you that you're not getting the help you need. Open up to your health visitor at least, if she seems sympathetic. I hope your health improves soon x

Setraline didn’t do it for me at all.
It’s not helping if you’re both adults who live in the house. It’s sharing the role. Work out what jobs he could do each day/week when not working. You can’t do everything OP.
I wonder why they said no to CBT. That’s odd. I suppose it doesn’t suit everyone.

The health visitor is coming to take to you about your health, she won't care if you've got laundry piled up . Your doing the right thing, your reaching out to get support

The best thing you can do is be open with the HV about how feel and what support you feel you need.

She won't care about the laundry, as long as the kids are clean, fed and clothed. Please stop putting yourself under pressure to do mire than you you normally would. The HV is a health care professional, there to support you and make sure the DC are well cared for.

My MIL was an HV a for years and honestly, she was one of the most slovenly people I've ever met. Your HV genuinely isn't there to critique your cleaning skills. Use them to get the support you need - don't hide or minimise your issues.

I agree with PP the Heath visitor would only be concerned if the house was unsafe. If you have pets who we’re having toileting accidents that you weren’t cleaning up. Or broken glass about. It’s have to be that bad for them to be bothered. They are not going to worry about an untidy house, or whether clean washing has been put away, honestly. Have you been referred for proper counselling since they said CBT wasn’t appropriate? I hope you get the help you deserve OP.

I've been given 2 different possible diagnosis of either borderline personality disorder or CPTSD, I think it might be the former that made the CBT unsuitable. I am trying to be open about how I am feeling I'm just also scared of how low I am feeling because the crisis team always mention children's services when I phone them too.

You just need to discuss the event that caused ptsd and have either dbtor emdr. You can also get funding for nursery for your 2 year old via the HV I think?

Don’t feel scared of saying how you feel. The crisis team are there to support you. You’re engaging with the services and trying to access help and support. That’s great. That’s what they want.
Partner does need to take on some jobs around the house and not leave you to drown though.