AIBU to think I don't know how to have fun

[soootireddd]

My Instagram feed is full of friends in lovely locations around the UK, sipping G&T's in picturesque pub gardens, on gorgeous camping trips in secluded campsites with beautiful sunsets, and swimming in the sea on almost deserted beaches. Others have a lovely home set-up with fun paddling pool, jugs of Pimms on the go... and are just having what looks like a marvellous time.

It feels like we (DH plus our toddler) rarely have these lovely experiences - we tend to be sat at home most of the time and live in a very urban, built up area where it's crowded and there's not much to do. There are local parks but they're a very hot bus ride away and not exactly living the dream.

How do people find these beautiful quiet holiday spots or achieve lovely garden set-ups and all the rest of it? I want to get some more fun in our lives but don't know where to start!

I know what you mean. I think it's often the idea that sounds fun. As an adult there's so much non-intagrammable hassle around everything. Like ...

Picnic in the garden = cheese, humus and berries smeared on the picnic blanket. Kids have eaten 100 slices of white bread for lunch.

Playing with a hosepipe = feeling guilty for waisting water. One kid is crying because they fell over on the trail of wet grass on the kitchen floor. Need to remember to pick up the soaked clothes they've left in the flowerbed.

Baking = flour flour flour. Pizza dough that would take 10 mins for me to make has taken an hour and nobody knows how much yeast there is in the dough, if any.

Eating out = normally non picky kids barely touch their food and concentrate on staring at the puddings next table have. Wine is lovely but forgot to take a picture.

I really don't know how to have fun !

I could have wrote this post! It seems everyone goes to the beach at the weekend, gets the paddling pool out etc, we never do anything like that (DH, toddler and baby)
It would be such hard work to go to the beach, 2yo.would be constantly running away from us, 6 month old needs bottles and to be kept out of the sun. We could to go the zoo but toddler would either be running off or kicking off in his pram and asking to play on my phone. It would just be miserable (it was last time we did both of these things on holiday)
I don't know how people do it. Paddling pool in the garden seems like less effort than travelling somehwere, I might try it next weekend! Pimm's and all

Where do you live? Day trips might be the answer? Plus make your garden and house a beautiful retreat

I felt similar at one point. There were a couple of years when my children were very young, that I didn't put any effort into 'occasions', and the days just blended into one another. I think we can forget that, as adults, we have to create our nice or 'special' experiences. If we don't plan for them, we rarely have them.

It helped me to plot out the 'special' days of the year and put a big effort (and it certainly felt big because I was fecking knackered) into observing them.

When I had that down, I added in non-negotiable days out.

Then I added in things at home - eating at the table with napkins, iced water, nice music; Sunday lunch; weekly afternoon tea with nice china and home-baking; movie night etc - always making an effort to adhere to the cultural construction of the occasion.

You know, you can eat your easter egg on the couch watching daytime telly between dark washes, or you can have it on a picnic blanket with a flask of nice coffee in some beautiful local gardens with friends. It's up to you.

I imagine people think this about our life and how it’s portrayed on Instagram. The truth is, planning fun things to do/days out is my passion and I love doing it. We’re also very social so always have lots of weekend plans and entertain at home a lot.

So if we’re having people over for a BBQ, I’ll scour Pinterest for recipes in advance, there will be lots of different cocktails and the garden will be decorated beautifully. I also spend a lot of time looking at different hashtags on Instagram and TikTok to find beautiful places to visit at the weekends. When we redid our garden last year, I decided I wanted a Moroccan theme and so carefully chose pieces to fit that and it’s gone from being a square of concrete to a gorgeous space.

I’m sure some people would find it all exhausting but I genuinely love all of the planning this sort of thing involves.

I guess the question is, do you want to put in the effort to find nice days out for you all to go on? It doesn’t have to be instagrammable but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy being at home all the time.

If you have a tent put it up in the garden & sleep in it

Start small OP, go to the local park, get the hang of what you need to bring, what you don't etc, then spread out a bit, go to the city farm or the local attraction.
As for the Insta, its mostly a load of shit. I have an acquaintance who documents her "perfect" life on Instagram, the reality is her kids are never allowed to get dirty incase it spoils the pictures, the dc are regularly interrupted from whatever they are enjoying to pose for photos, her parties are an absolute bore as its all style no substance, and she just comes across as a bit of a smug twat. There's really nothing to aspire to there.

We really love our national trust membership. I think it's a tenner a month for the family, we go somewhere every fortnight. It feels idyllic, wandering through gorgeous manicured gardens, great play areas, looking out over the Lough skimming pebbles or just having a picnic in a grassy area. Of course it only feels idyllic when tot isn't screaming/running off/trying to eat stones or having a massive shit but we enjoy what we can!

Much easier by car but there may be a fair few accessible by bus if you are in a very well connected area. Also, it won't be this hot forever and the bus will be bearable again soon!

I can’t be arsed with planning or booking stuff so don’t do many of those days but try to make the most of “nothing” afternoons and I am the queen of spending as little as possible so they don’t cost much. We live quite near the seaside but don’t go when it’s going to be packed - but happy to head there mid-afternoon for an hour on the beach (I even know where to park for free in the back streets) and then might buy fish and chips out to save on making tea. Or I have yearly passes for two nearby stately homes with big playgrounds so we can just drop in and have fun without spending anything, or bring a picnic. I hate crowded or popular things so enjoy going the opposite way to the traffic! I just always keep an eye out for ideas and try to add a fun thing in every weekend even if it’s just a new park we’ve never been to or drinks in a cafe. Makes you feel like you’re living, not just surviving. When I was broke it was a trip to the library to settle into the comfy chairs and read together, maybe followed by a bag of cheese straws from the bakery! Kids love bus trips or walking to a different part of town they’ve never been to.

This will prob out me but I went abroad for a weekend ore covid and we stayed in by Pool the whole weekend and got drunk.
I took a photo of a photo from the local guidebook of a "market" chucked a filter on it and shoved it up on insta anyway 😂

I think if also depends largely on where you live too OP. I'm fortunate enough to live by lots of beaches, forests and rivers so it's very little effort to go paddle boarding or camping and beach bbqs. Living somewhere where that's not on your doorstep then costs money and time to do. Do you own a tent? Could you go camping for a weekend? I know you said the park is a hot bus ride away but could you go early when it's cooler?

I think it's often the idea that sounds fun. As an adult there's so much non-intagrammable hassle around everything.

What looks nice in a photo doesn't necessarily = fun.

We do beach trips, paddling pool, glamping etc & most of it is a pain in the arse.

I’m sure some people would find it all exhausting but I genuinely love all of the planning this sort of thing involves.

I love planning stuff & always go to extra effort for Easter, Halloween, etc but I just tire myself out & I think the dc would be just as happy without all the effort. I'm not sure why I do it, I don't have insta or fb so it's not for showing off or pressure 😆

I went to a mate's house two summers ago for a barbecue. It was chaos and horror. I don't believe I've had a more stressful afternoon in all my life. Looking at her Instagram story and snaps though, you'd think it was the most chic, boho, casual hippy get together ever. It was not like that. It was stressful and horrible with cold, burnt food, crying children, bored adults, drunken bbq crashers and a blazing row between the hosts. But the pics are all sparkling glasses, twinkly fairy lights, kids snuggled up on beanbags by the glow of a crackling fire. Lies! All lies!!

We went for a meal yesterday. I took photos for FB which I don't usually do.

Dd promptly felt sick and didn't want her meal, so went and sat in the car with her book.

Just saying what you see is not what you get!

I’m sure some people would find it all exhausting but I genuinely love all of the planning this sort of thing involves. I feel exhausted even thinking about it. It isnt even that i don't have the time, of it's that i don't have the energy to find the time

Haha thank you so much everybody! Loved your replies and you’ve given me lots of food for thought. I’m going to plan a little adventure this weekend!

Yesterday, myself, husband and two kids went out in the 30 degree heat to our local lido. 10 yr old DS complained before leaving because he couldn't find his goggles and said he wasn't swimming without them. DH shouted at DS. All grumpy and snappy at each other on way to pool. DD refuses to get in pool initially. I felt overweight, self conscious and hot and bothered. I got a ball thrown at me which hurt the side of my face. I spent most of the time trying not to get burnt. We sat in the shade and there was a weird smell in the air. Then the kids got hungry and moaned. I agreed to buy them some chips to keep them quiet. Watching them eating chips in the sun at the lido made me feel nostalgic for when I did the same thing 30 years ago. I snapped a photo and posted it on Instagram.
What everyone saw, my kids, smiling, blue skies, eating chips.
What noone saw, all the bits before.

Make a list of cheap and free activities you can do this summer with the kids and then plan in one a day.

Eg junk modelling
Geocaching
Water play in the garden
Treasure hunt
Puppet show
Etc etc etc

Keep it simple- get a cheap tent and have a camping in your garden, do some barbecue at evening, and you can read some stories, have a roasted marshmallows etc.

Whenever I see those photos I remind myself that they probably had hours in traffic or waiting at the airport, plus the packing (I hate packing and unpacking) and how much hassle it is to keep your garden looking nice if you've got young kids Such a strange attitude to have imo. I just have friends and family on social media and when I see photos like that I just think "how lovely". It wouldn't cross my mind to immediately think of the negatives behind the photo! If you do that you're basically making yourself miserable!

OP cheap and cheerful is the way to go imo. I have 3 under 5 and really hot days are spent having water fights, in the paddling pool, under the sprinkler etc. I've been homeless before and take such you and know how lucky I am to have a roof over my head and the luxury of a small garden.