Sunflowers to be exact, DH came home on Saturday with a huge bunch of them. For no other reason, than he bought them to surprise me. Unfortunately this triggered me into a spiral of sadness. I've had 4 rounds of failed IVF and coincidentally every time we've had bad news someone (DH, DSS, friends, family, work) has bought me sunflowers. So having them in the house reminds me of grief and unthinkable sadness. I've never told anyone this being even just typing this makes me sound very ungrateful (which I'm not) So I tried to keep myself busy but everytime they caught my eye, my heart ached. On top of that I am hosting a big Christmas in July party soon, so was wrapping some silly gifts for the kids that are coming and the sadness that I won't ever be a mum doing this for my own child was suffocating. Took the dog out for a walk, in our beautiful suburban neighbourhood - that we moved into to raise a family and everywhere I looked, it was families out enjoying the winter sunshine. Which again I won't get to experience. Returned home in tears to DH and I couldn't admit that is was his kind gesture that triggered this sadness. Do I need to get a grip or is this normal to have these type of associations? I still can't shake their feeling of sadness.