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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to change swimming instructors

26 replies

Nivealove · 19/07/2021 00:55

Hello all,

So a difficult decision to make. DS 10 attends 1:1 swimming lessons and as he has good potential we may move him to a swim squad in the next year or son.

Anyway, due to Covid etc and the loss of swim teachers. My son is being taught by a different instructor. He is good, the instructor, but I'm not sure if I am being over sensitive but sometimes I feel that he becomes very frustrated with DS. To add, before I am accused of drip feeding, DS has dyspraxia so has difficulties keeping his arms straight at times, or pointing his toes etc etc. However, he becomes very frustrated with DS and acts very strict. I don't mind strictness at all but when it's combined with frustration it's a worry. I could see in DS that he is worried or looks at the instructor for approval but when the instructor gets agitated, DS sulks and tells him that he is not happy..

Another issue that I have with the instructor that he introduces new skills all time and then what happens is that because DS hasn't consolidated certain techniques, the instructor ends up going back and gets frustrated with DS. Anyhoo, I have spoken to the instructor about this but he carries on... I've noticed he does this to other students.

The issue is now that DS has begun to hate swimming Shock and doesn't like the instructor at all. I would be sad to give this up as he is good at swimming and loves it.

Also, and so it happens, the swim instructor wasn't in one day and was taken over by a replacement, a young girl. But oh my goodness, when I saw how she worked with DS, she was amazing, she really broke down skills with DS, she made sure he consolidated the skill before moving on. AIBU to change DS to this instructor. My only worry is that the young instructor is very petite and DS is getting taller, I'm worried that his size would eventually take over- I don't mean to sound sexist at all.

I know if I change swimming instructors, his current swimming instructor would take offence. What should I do? I'm a believer of following your gut, and if something is not working- no matter how hard you try to reason, it doesn't work.

OP posts:
GrandmaAli · 19/07/2021 01:00

The swimming instructor sounds like he's in the wrong job, or just used to older people.
Can you change to the young woman who was so good with your son?

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 01:03

So I'm not being sensitive? The young woman was strict... don't get me wrong. But it wasn't combined with frustration iyswim?

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 19/07/2021 03:26

Not sure I understand why the temp instructor’s size is relevant. Does she need to be able to manhandle your DS to teach?

I don’t think it’s at all relevant that the current instructor would be offended. This just isn’t a factor to take into account. It’s not as though you haven’t raised the issues with him.

So, yes, you should change instructor, if not to the temp then to a different one. It’s absurd to be paying someone to make your DS unhappy and destroy his love of the sport.

GrandmaAli · 19/07/2021 04:08

You're not wrong!
You have your childs best interests at heart, so change the instructor before it is too late for your son to keep enjoying his swimming!

Jangle33 · 19/07/2021 07:31

It’s your money do whatever you want!

MadeOfStarStuff · 19/07/2021 07:45

Why does the woman’s size matter? She’s not physically moving him is she?

YANBU to change instructor to one who suits your son better, it doesn’t mean the current one is bad, different methods suit different people better

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 07:50

@MadeOfStarStuff

Why does the woman’s size matter? She’s not physically moving him is she?

YANBU to change instructor to one who suits your son better, it doesn’t mean the current one is bad, different methods suit different people better

Yes she is. The instructors work with the children in the pool and manually teach them the techniques.
OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 19/07/2021 07:50

It is an important life skill. So perfectly reasonable to change instructor if one does not work for you.

reluctantbrit · 19/07/2021 07:51

We had this. In the end all parties agreed it was better to swap as nobody got anything out of it.

A good teacher should know that not everytime a teacher/pupil relationship for 121 classes work, regardless of the reasons.

Sally872 · 19/07/2021 08:04

Yes, change instructor. If the instructor can't cope as he grows (very unlikely) change instructor again.

CoffeeWithCheese · 19/07/2021 08:10

As the parent of a dyspraxic who has really struggled getting going with swimming - switch. It really is such a hard disorder for people to get their heads around fully that if you find someone who gets it - you grab 'em! The size difference shouldn't be an issue since the water is supporting his body anyway.

We swapped swimming lessons when we had a place that was accusing DD of just being lazy and not wanting to put the effort in - when it was real issues with her muscle tone and fatigue that were taking their toll.

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 08:13

Should I be honest about my reasons for changing instructors

OP posts:
Sally872 · 19/07/2021 08:38

"I would like a different swimming instructor for ds, he isn't enjoying swimming with current instructor, don't think his teaching style is a good match for my son. Do you have space with another instructor? Ideally the Young girl who stood in recently"

Or

"Current swimming instructor is very strict and easily frustrated, I can see it from spectating. That doesn't work for my son and he now wants to leave. I am hoping a change of instructor will help him enjoy it again. Do you have space with another instructor?"

igelkott2021 · 19/07/2021 08:45

@Nivealove

Should I be honest about my reasons for changing instructors
The instructor isn't good for your ds so find another one. Do you really need random people on MN to help you justify your decision?

Cancel the dd with the swimming school/leisure centre and find another one; you can ask in your local Facebook group for recommendations for good swimming schools/teachers.

And it's not normal for instructors to get into the water with the older/more advanced swimmers so you don't need to worry about size of instructors.

igelkott2021 · 19/07/2021 08:46

(dd= direct debit)

Sally872 · 19/07/2021 08:48

Or what I would say is "do you have space with another instructor ideally the young girl who stood in recently? Current instructor is easily frustrated, impatient and making my son want to leave. I doubt that manner works for many people, it certainly doesn't work for us."

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 08:48

"And it's not normal for instructors to get into the water with the older/more advanced swimmers so you don't need to worry about size of instructors"

That's their methodology- which is different to regular swim classes. I thought I was being sensitive as I've heard it's common for instructors to be strict.

OP posts:
CoffeeWithCheese · 19/07/2021 08:49

Just say that they're not a good fit together, and the other lady seemed to be able to cope with his difficulties much easier.

Potpourri23 · 19/07/2021 08:51

Definitely change instructors! And if they ask why just tell them exactly what you said in your OP.

If moving him becomes a problem in sure she'll have techniques up her sleeve to help out.

TheSandgroper · 19/07/2021 08:54

I wrote to the head of department at the beginning of the year once asking not to have a previous teacher that she had been allocate again. I just said that we weren’t getting the best out of dc and that the fill in teacher she had had for a few weeks had been a great improvement so could we have someone like her, please. We got what we wanted and works hard for this teacher.

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 09:04

I'm just worried about changing instructors. We had a 1-2 replacements over the Covid situation and DS went backwards and it took his regular instructor a while to get back to where DS was.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 19/07/2021 09:12

Currently your son wants to quit. Amy change is a step forward from that.

INeedNewShoes · 19/07/2021 09:25

I teach 1-2-1 (not swimming) and I accept that some learners won't be compatible with my teaching style and would much rather a parent moved them to a different teacher than stick with me out of fear of causing upset. I have high expectations and will drill a point that needs work but I rarely let my frustration show, certainly not on a regular basis. I save showing frustration for when a student needs a bit of a kick up the backside which does happen as they adjust to what is required to move from beginner-advanced levels; some kids naturally up their focus and effort and others need to have it spelt out to them that they need to do more.

Original poster
Nivealove · 19/07/2021 09:35

I'm just worried about DS going backwards again

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 19/07/2021 10:07

You've identified there's an issue with the teacher, everyone here agrees with you. In your own words, your DS has started to hate swimming.

But you think it's better to stick with this situation because of your worries that he might go backwards again if you change teacher, despite you saying that his lesson with the stand-in teacher was much much better.

Brick wall --> head

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