Friend’s baby obsession

[HollaHolla]

Ok I’m prepared to put my hard hat on here, but I’m really struggling with my relationship with one of my best friends.
She is almost 49, and desperate for a baby. To the extend it’s almost her sole subject of conversation, and everything comes back around to it. I’m absolutely sympathetic, but she and her partner have been trying for 4 years, and nothing.... he is 57, and a grandad of 4. Which, of course, isn’t the issue in itself, but just to give you the fuller picture.
I have been massively supportive of her trying to have a baby (went to see about a sperm bank about 10 years ago, when she was single; encouraged her to go see the GP/a fertility doctor), but she has consistently refused to engage with any interventions - only that ‘it will happen, because I want it so much’.
It has been exacerbated by the issue that I have been unable to conceive with my (now ex) partner, despite going through fertility treatments/IVF over the last 8 years. I have gone through early menopause; I’m now 42.

I am very supportive of her, and I know how much she wants this - but it would be good if she could be a bit sensitive. I have come home from visiting her this afternoon, and cried almost the whole way home in the car.
I’m struggling to be able to have a conversation with her which doesn’t revolve around her and her (as yet hypothetical) baby. Happy to be told - kindly - that I’m being overly sensitive, but any hints/tips on getting our friendship back on track would be gratefully received.

@Naunet

OP, has she (or you for that matter) ever raised the possibility of it not happening? How does she react to that? I really get your concern about her, it’s worrying how blinded she seems to be by it.

You also need to look after yourself though, and your mental health.

Yes, I’ve raised the ‘what if it doesn’t happen’, with her. She just keeps saying she wants it so much, it will happen. I asked her how long they planned to try, and she said a while ago they would stop at her next birthday, which has been and gone. When I commiserated with her (a few weeks after that birthday), she got quite annoyed with me, and said that it was nothing to do with me. Yet, the next week, she was all about telling me the details again I just can’t work it out. Then, when I don’t ask, she gets shirty too.

I really think I do need to distance myself a bit. I’m just sad that this friendship used to be so close, and she’s now so single-minded about this baby fever, that we are falling apart.

I have examined how I used to speak about our infertility, treatment and eventual IVF, and I really tried not to talk about it too much, as I knew how much she wanted a baby, and was trying to be sensitive. If she asked, I told her ; and then when we eventually had to give up, I did tell her about that unbidden. I did try very hard to be mindful and considerate of her situation though, and feel sad that it’s so one-sided.