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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think I am 'banishing my child to bed'?

23 replies

tohaveitall · 18/07/2021 22:14

I'm a single mum, have my 8 year old son full time, his dad has him 6 nights a month. Every second weekend.

So during the school term I let him stay up till 8.30, read a book, settle down etc to be sleeping for 9. However, since it's the school holidays (we are in Scotland) I've been letting him stay up till when I go to bed, about 11 pm. He still gets his recommended hours of sleep and I have read research that says it doesn't matter the time children go to sleep as long as they're getting their recommended hours in. It seems to work for us.

The thing is I send him up to his bed at about 9 pm so I have a couple of hours to myself, he can play, read a book, watch a film etc. But I just really need the few hours to recharge in silence.

My ex said today that it seems like I'm banishing him to his room! I asked my son if that's how he feels and he looked puzzled and said no way!

So AIBU to send my son to bed a couple of hours early so I have some time alone?

OP posts:

CrouchEndTiger12 · 18/07/2021 22:16

No!

An 8 yo isn't an adult. He doesn't get get dictate when you go to bed or get to stay up because you are.

Bed time is a well known thing for children.

Milesbennettdyson · 18/07/2021 22:16

Not at all. Parenting is full on and you’re entitled to have some quiet time and peace of your own.

Mine are much younger than yours but I do the same. Even as they get older they will get sent upstairs so we can have quiet time.

Original poster

tohaveitall · 18/07/2021 22:17

He's allowed down for a drink of course and sometimes will come down for a cuddle and can come down if he needs me but I just don't want him up and down all night or sitting in the living room with me and I can't watch my programs.

OP posts:

Frazzled2207 · 18/07/2021 22:18

Nope. Mine is 8 and I couldn’t care less when he goes to sleep but he is packed off to bed between 8 (school nights) nd 9 (weekends) as I need some boy-free time

trevthecat · 18/07/2021 22:18

No, I do the same. I need time to myself!

thepeopleversuswork · 18/07/2021 22:19

Not at all. My DD is 10 and I insist on getting her to bed by 9pm. Otherwise I lose the very valuable sliver of time I have to myself in the evenings. (I'm also a single mother).
Parenting is full on and you don't have to apologise for making some time for yourself.

Comedycook · 18/07/2021 22:20

At 8, my kids were put to bed, to go to sleep at 7.30pm. You can't sit up with an eight year old to 11pm...we all need a bit of breathing space in the evening

Nohomemadecandles · 18/07/2021 22:21

You're perfectly reasonable to banish him to his room! It's bedtime. He has the nice freedom of a bit of time before lights out. He's lucky. It's a treat!

Vallmo47 · 18/07/2021 22:22

Your son goes to bed quite late in my opinion so no you’re absolutely not banishing him to bed.

Original poster

tohaveitall · 18/07/2021 22:24

Thanks, I thought it would be the case that I am not being unreasonable, I just thought it was a normal thing. I love him to bits but I don't want him hanging about down here till 11pm, I'd go mad! My ex just has a way of making me feel like a bad mum, I actually said to him today he could take him for two weeks of the summer holiday and see how he does without a minutes peace. He declined

OP posts:

DismantledKing · 18/07/2021 22:26

Sounds like your ex is just using this to manipulate you and make you feel guilty.

Cherrysoup · 18/07/2021 22:28

Why would you listen to your ex? How about he does some more parenting then sees how he likes actually parenting his child more often?

Dollpiglet · 18/07/2021 22:31

No, and if you went to bed at the same time as him and just watched TV and snacked in your bedroom rather than your living room you wouldn't expect him to be downstairs without you, so I don't think you should feel at all like you're banishing him.

Original poster

tohaveitall · 18/07/2021 22:33

@Dollpiglet that's very true, I never thought of it like that!

@Cherrysoup oh I did...he declined he's sooooo busy with work.

OP posts:

ahoyshipmates · 18/07/2021 22:37

9pm is the watershed on tv anyway, so there could be content unsuitable for your ds at his age.

I presume your ex is an ex for a reason, so ignore him. He makes the rules when it's his turn, and he can mind his own business when it's your turn.

godmum56 · 18/07/2021 22:41

maybe your DS likes to have time alone too?

TheChiefJo · 18/07/2021 22:46

No. It's perfectly fine to give them a bit longer in school hols but to say it must be in their room. You and your son need your mental health to be good. A couple of hours in the evening to yourself is a minor ask, imv.

headintheproverbial · 18/07/2021 22:56

Your ex is a total twat. Maybe when he's taking him the other 24 days of the month he can have an opinion!!

GameOfBones324 · 18/07/2021 23:02

Actually glad you made this thread. I do the same and DS complains about it. But I really need the few hours to recharge.

audweb · 18/07/2021 23:05

Nope! My 8 year old is the same stays up late during the holidays but doesn’t wake early, so she still gets the same amount of sleep she would normally. I’m also a single parent whose ex barely has her, so I know the juggling. Normally she spends the last hour or two chilling in her room while I am in the living room, we occasionally watch a movie together but we both need that down time.

C8H10N4O2 · 18/07/2021 23:06

My ex said today that it seems like I'm banishing him to his room!

Well ex can do more nights can't they? Or entertain him for a couple of hours every night.

A hour or so to wind down in his own room but with a later lights off during holidays is pretty normal.

DancyNancy · 18/07/2021 23:22

Your ex has a fucking easy ride and NO, I don't think yabu. That time I the evening is SACRED!!

Terminallysleepdeprived · 18/07/2021 23:23

I am a single mum to nearly 8 year old dd.sje quite often takes herself off for alone time. She announces it proudly that she needs her own space to relax and do nothing.

Although since being introduced to friends she won't leave me alone in an evening as she wants to watch endless episodes

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