Just woke DH up with a massive fart - who IBU?

[BedtimeFarter]

I can’t sleep so MNing in bed. DH asleep next to me. I am on my side turned away from him due to light from phone and suddenly a very loud and long fart (machine gun variety) escapes . Took me rather by surprise or I would have tried to suppress it!

DH jumps up, realises what it was and honestly you’d think I’d crapped the bed or something . He is disgusted and absolutely furious I woke him up as he has to be up for work early, as if I meant to, and has stormed off to sleep downstairs!

AIBU to think he’s being an arse!

@JayniSummers

Tell me more! ,🤣

My parents were competitive farters except when in polite company. My Dad would let one rip and then blame the invisible man who apparently lived behind his chair in the living room. Similar from my mother. We followed suit as children.

DH was rather prim about farting when I met him as he came from a family where you had to virtually pretend your arse didn't exist. I have him better trained now. Married for 28 years.

@groundcontroltomontydon

It’s probably just because it made him jump and took him out of a deep sleep Yep - there's a reason sunrise alarm clocks are a thing and fart ones aren't

I have given DP both of these as presents. Can confirm he prefers the sunrise alarm.

@DeadButDelicious

Everybody farts. It's a hilarious natural bodily function and I really don't get people who think it's 'grim' or whatever. I had an acquaintance who wouldn't let her boyfriends fart in the same room as her, including the one she lived with. I cannot imagine being so uptight that a little trump upsets you so much you simply cannot be in the presence of one. How do they cope with their own?

You are not being unreasonable to fart. I would suggest your DH gets several grips.

Would you proudly fart long and loud in a work situation? In a meeting, serving customers, teaching a class? I presume not. What about belching? Lovely food in a restaurant with partner-belch long and loud cos it’s, you know, funny? There are several bodily functions best carried out in private .

[quote Topseyt]@JayniSummers

Tell me more! ,🤣

My parents were competitive farters except when in polite company. My Dad would let one rip and then blame the invisible man who apparently lived behind his chair in the living room. Similar from my mother. We followed suit as children.

DH was rather prim about farting when I met him as he came from a family where you had to virtually pretend your arse didn't exist. I have him better trained now. Married for 28 years.[/quote]
I totally agree. You either come from a family of funny farters or you don’t.

Our dog got regularly blamed when growing up but them again if you’ve ever seen a Labrador startle and jerk it’s self fully awake with hackles up when it’s let off a giant “I’ve eaten something dead I shouldn’t of” fart it’s comedy gold.

If it's any consolation my dh farted in front of the fan last night and I got full blast in the face

Would you proudly fart long and loud in a work situation? In a meeting, serving customers, teaching a class? I presume not. What about belching? Lovely food in a restaurant with partner-belch long and loud cos it’s, you know, funny?
There are several bodily functions best carried out in private

Lord above 🙄 of course there are some situations where you do your best to hold it in until such a time as you can let it out 'safely' but in the comfort of ones own home, let the wind blow free as far as I'm concerned! Folk are welcome to trump if they need to in my company. Can't promise I won't giggle though. 😁

😂😂😂😂😂I'll give you a productive comment when I've picked myself up from the floor after laughing.

@blissfulllife

If it's any consolation my dh farted in front of the fan last night and I got full blast in the face

😂😂😂

Would you proudly fart long and loud in a work situation? In a meeting, serving customers, teaching a class? I presume not. What about belching? Lovely food in a restaurant with partner-belch long and loud cos it’s, you know, funny?
There are several bodily functions best carried out in private

Eh? In your own bedroom with only your partner there - that is fairly private in my opinion.

I did exactly the same a couple of weeks ago. He didn’t get up though or storm off. He just said “urghhhhh” and went back to sleep.

@PonyPals what on earth were you upset about???

@Megasausagehead

Let's just say that his did smell and I couldn't breathe. It was my parting gift after a long night of duvet wafting.

I’ve heard that people can die from extremely noxious fart clouds btw

Would you proudly fart long and loud in a work situation? In a meeting, serving customers, teaching a class? I presume not. What about belching? Lovely food in a restaurant with partner-belch long and loud cos it’s, you know, funny?
There are several bodily functions best carried out in private

Did you miss the fact that OP was at home in her own bed? Hardly farting loud and proud in public.

I'm from a family who have never been bothered about farting amongst each other. We were more careful in public, of course. My Dad was a headteacher. He didn't stand and fart when taking a class or a school assembly, or a staff meeting.

My mother was a teacher too and didn't fart to her classes.

We did have some standards I promise. 😉 Sometimes anyway.

@Mypathtriedtokillme

We used to blame my old labrador too. To be fair, he was a spectacular farter. His farts were known as "room clearers" for a very good reason. I do so miss that big yellow boy, farts and all. ☹️😉

I still have the spaniel so can blame her, but it isn't the same somehow.

If it's a once off and never happened before he is BU. If it happens even semi regularly YABVVVVVVU.
I despise farts and being woken up by one on a lovely morning would be horrible for me. It gives me the utter rage.

A shy male newbie in my yoga group fared.Poor chap,he was mortified and never returned.

I understand your issue (no pun intended) I would suggest you get one those rubbery shower things that attach to bath taps.
Remove the bit where the two pipes connect into one and discard, then insert the single pipe into your rear and drap the pipe out of the side of the bed.
Should you then fart, it is directed out of the bed. The shower head has the added benefit of dispersing the flatulence over a wider area which will reduce (but no eliminate) any noise.
If you know something is 'building' and you learnt how to play the recorder at school you may able to knock out a passable 'Frère Jacques' by deftly converting the relevant holes of the shower head.
It may take a bit of practice - it did for me - but it is well worthwhile as early sales of my LP are testament to.
(Regettably my LP 'Blowing in the Wind' is currently unavailable)

Cracking thread OP! Although I’ve not laughed so much for a long time, I will admit to being utterly horrified by anyone who so much as “Farts in my general direction” ....It’s bum gas ffs -with all the attendant risks, ranging from unexpected follow through from the farter, to the ‘Fartee’ being peppered with microscopic particles of shot, depending on the torque behind it.
Accepting the sound effects and the ‘Eau de Honk’ room putrifier that goes with it, is a slippery slope I reckon.
Needless to say, I do not fart. Ever.

That fart sounds epic and I want to hi-five you, OP

Are you in the UK? If yes YABU to warm the bed up during a heatwave.

If your farting is great for waking people up, please could you save it as an audio file and text it to me? I will use it as my alarm clock buzzer in the morning. I might actually wake up without snoozing for once.

'Sounds of nature. Brought to you by Bedtimefarter'

I once lay in bed and heard my parents having hysterics in the next room. It turned out that a massive fart from my Dad has coincided with the very moment when the street lights went off!