I'll try and keep this short but will probably fail.
I have been on ADs on and off for the best part of 14 years. Ive had an incredibly difficult year as many of us have. Covid, completing professional qualification hampered by covid, bereavement and my workplace is going to shit.
I felt quite proud that I'd got through it all without a major breakdown but i can feel im approaching breaking point.
Just got back from a camping holiday that my anxiety nearly ruined, well it did ruin the begining. Minor and i mean minor medical emergency with DD (15) which we sorted with the help of the really very wonderful Devonian 111 people who really went the extra mile for us,resulted in full on pamic attacks that affected everyone and very nearly resulted in the end of my relationship with DP (weve been together 29 years and hes put up with my anxiety since dd2was born). He cannot cope, it triggers him and we had an almighty row.
Where do i go from here? I felt so anxious coming home that i just wanted to open the door on the motorway and get out.
Im on max dose escitalopram and have zero chance of a face to face drs appointment. My GP suggested BPD in the past and i had group therapy which helped but no other form of counselling has helped me.
I don't know what to do. I can access employee assist counselling via my job but im sceptical.
This was the first holiday since my mum died and i felt guilty that i wss relieved i didn't have to worry about her, poor thing, as it was always an issue when i went away.
I think i just wanted everything to be perfect for dp and dd and when it was threatened i lost it.
Any suggestions? Is it worth a change of medication? I have always done ok with escitalopram and im a bit scared about switching. Im willing to try anything to beat this, i cannot let anxiety take my life away again.