AIBU about my friend

[ditzydoodle]

Name change for privacy reasons.

My friends and I have organised to finally meet up next week and go to a pub and potentially to a nightclub in my city depending on how we feel to celebrate the easing of lockdown and the fact that I have not seen any of them in 18 months. I did not organise this and they sprung the surprise on me so to speak.

I’ve been overly cautious about COVID due to an extremely vulnerable family member and I have stayed in my house since March last year without engaging with anybody else.

Now I’ve been vaccinated, I’m starting to feel a bit more relaxed about finally seeing my friends so we have organised this night out next Friday. All was going well with plans fully made until one of my friends has decided she does not want to come now as she doesn’t feel comfortable with going to the pub and sitting to have a drink.

The pub in question have already advised that they will still be ensuring distance and sitting in seats and mask wearing when walking around so as it stands, things aren’t changing in this pub to what they have already been.

I’m a bit pissed off to be honest as throughout COVID she has consistently met up with people not in her bubble and has been going to the pub and restaurants quite regularly (1-2 times a week sometimes) as well as attending weddings and bigger events etc.

Now, I’ve finally felt comfortable to meet up with them after they have been begging and moaning at me for months for ‘flaking’ and being ‘overly cautious’ she suddenly doesn’t want to come!!!!! She’s double vaccinated and takes regular LFT tests for work.

I’ve asked her the exact reasoning and she has stated that she doesn’t feel comfortable being around people not vaccinated and potential carriers and that she can’t afford to self isolate if she catches COVID.

I fully expect you all to not agree with me but I’m just so annoyed that she’s been going to the pubs and meeting people and doing whatever but right now, she doesn’t want to do it despite her being in a potential better ‘situation’ with being double vaccinated.

AIBU to be pissed off with my friend?

I think she's pretty wise to give it a rest for the first while after restrictions ease tbh.

Youre allowed to be pissed off at anything you like, but it's a bit hypocritical to say your reasons were good enough and then dismiss hers, even if they're new ones.

Loads more people testing positive - it's not been 'real' for a lot of people until now.

I agree with both of you, I am being hypocritical and I’ve just found out through our other friend, she’s going to the same pub next Thursday with her work colleagues and now I’m even more annoyed!

I’m definitely overly hot and annoyed today about anything!

YABU. She’s entitled to decide based her own comfort levels just as you are.

I know a lot of people, myself included, who are being more cautious now than throughout the previous few months.

Sorry, cross-posted with your update. It is annoying if she’s still going to pubs with other people but is refusing to go with you. Maybe it’s the thought of being pressured to go onto a nightclub that’s putting her off?

I don’t think you are BU, it does sound annoying that she’s happy to go out with other people! Does it change your night out tho? Even if she’s not coming can the rest of you still go out?

It doesn’t affect our night out in any way in all honestly, it would just be nice to finally see her after so long.

There isn’t any pressure to go to the nightclub, we have just agreed to see how the night goes and if we end up there then so be it, I’ve already stated to them I’ll be masked up in the nightclub which they all laughed at and said was ‘over the top’ as we’re all double vaccinated.

Think I just need to get a good nights sleep and reevaluate myself in the morning! I know in my heart I’m being unreasonable!

Maybe it’s the thought of being pressured to go onto a nightclub that’s putting her off?

This would be my reason for not going. I'm not setting foot in a nightclub any time soon!

It’s disappointing and confusing that she’s changed her tune. However I can’t say I disagree with avoiding venues that pissed people will be hanging all over you in!

Your friend may have told people she will go to their do but may be intending to pull out. So just because you heard she’d agreed to go it doesn’t mean she will.

You can always go somewhere else that she feels more comfortable? Does it have to be that place?

I did think the nightclub situation would be why she didn’t want to come but she stated on the phone call it was the pub.

I’m going to speak to her tomorrow to see if there’s an underlying issue or if she would rather we just stayed at home, I’m happy to have them all round for a BBQ and drinks, the pub was only suggested as it was a central point for all of us.

Thank you all for your honesty x

I’ve been going to pubs with DH & occasionally the in-laws. I wouldn’t go with a big group yet - I’m double jabbed and hopefully would be okay, but I have medical reasons that I haven’t disclosed to everyone for not wanting to take too many risks.

Everyone has to make the personal risk assessment… right now; hers doesn’t match yours. I’d be nowhere near a nightclub for a while yet!

Enjoy yourself anyway and I hope you can catch up with her soon.

I think the reason she's giving you is masking the real reason

@lactofree

I think the reason she's giving you is masking the real reason

I think that as well in all honesty. She has been a bit distant recently with all of us so I’m hoping it’s nothing serious ☹️