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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel used

20 replies

Mikadua23 · 17/07/2021 20:16

So I have known this woman for around 6 years as we used to work together.
I then met my husband and got married, had kids, she went through a difficult break up and went back to country.
She came back and we have met on about 2 occasions within 3 years time due to never actually have time, kids being sick etc.
We sort of lost contact for 1 year but occasionally would message each other every few months to ask how things were etc.
I have messaged her back in February to ask how she was and met up for coffe, she said she was getting married this year but the wedding will be very small and literally just her , partner, her mother and couple of other friends with their kids.
I was happy for her.

She then invited myself and my partner with kids.
I was quite surprised as I didn't feel honoured enough to be part of her wedding when we aren't so,so close .
I happily accepted and was happy to come .
Wedding is next month and she just asked me if I could be her witness 😳

Now..am I silly to be thinking that she only invited me to be her witness and sign the papers?

I dont know what to think as it was actually me messaging her first back in February so I feel like she hasn't really planned it but sort of did.

I genuinely like her and thought she invited me because she likes me too.

I kind or feel used a little .
Am I right to feel this way or am I overthinking this?

I have agreed to be her witness though.

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 17/07/2021 20:19

She could have asked her mother or other friends to be a witness, or even folk off the street. She asked you, because she wants you.

warmandtoasty2day · 17/07/2021 20:20

is it registery or church? wedding party? maybe she doesn't have family to ask or is short of friends and thought she'd ask you, i don't mean that in a nasty way Blush

FawnFrenchieMum · 17/07/2021 20:21

She could have had a literal stranger as a whiteness so I’d feel quite honoured she has asked you. She may feel closer to you then you do her, especially if she has moved around a lot.

Whiskycav · 17/07/2021 20:21

I think yabu.

She invited you. You will already be there so she has asked you to be a witness.

People would usually be pleased to be asked. Not assumed they are being used.

She could ask someone of the street. But why would she when her friend is there

Merryoldgoat · 17/07/2021 20:21

Any of the people she invited could be her witness - she didn’t need to invite you for that.

SnarkyBag · 17/07/2021 20:22

What a weird response on your part! Have no idea how you have translated this as being used

Wjevtvha · 17/07/2021 20:22

Why would you feel used? There’s other people or literally strangers she could have asked and she’s asked you

Tyrionsbitch · 17/07/2021 20:22

Eh? Being a witness isn't a negative thing or a chore! They could have asked any of their guests... I can't see how they are using you at all, you should feel pleased that they consider you a close enough friend to ask!

BlueSurfer · 17/07/2021 20:22

I think YABU. Anyone could be her witness and if she wanted you to do that, why bother inviting the rest of your family?

Shirleyphallus · 17/07/2021 20:24

Is there some drip feed coming whereby she has asked you to pay £1000 for the privilege or something?! This is such a weird reaction if not!

Rainbowqueeen · 17/07/2021 20:25

I would not feel used. A witness doesn’t have to do much. It’s like being an ordinary guest but signing the register.

I’d also assume I’d been asked to avoid bad feelings between closer friends and family if she chose one of them and others got upset.

Go, enjoy and celebrate with your friend.

Stuckhere2021 · 17/07/2021 20:25

YABU and yes, over thinking it. I thought from the title and start of the post you were going to say something like she’d asked to borrow a tonne of money or look after her 5 kids and 18 pets while she went on honeymoon Hmm

LuaDipa · 17/07/2021 20:26

I honestly feel like your response is quite strange. I think it’s lovely that she asked you. Maybe, if she is having a very small wedding, she is giving you a role to ensure you feel included. Either way, I certainly wouldn’t feel used.

Maggiesfarm · 17/07/2021 20:27

She wouldn't have invited you, partner and kids to her wedding if she did not value your friendship. Anyone can be a witness at the registrar, you don't even have to know them but she asked you particularly because she likes you.

I think it sounds very nice indeed.

Do accept, go and have a good time.

Original poster
Mikadua23 · 17/07/2021 20:41

Thank you everyone for your kind responses.
I often overthink stuff too much and it's due to my low self esteem now believing that she doesn't like me ! Etc .
Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 17/07/2021 21:02

For you Mikadua Wine .

I'm glad your fellow posters have been able to reassure you.

Cloudninenine · 17/07/2021 21:05

Being asked to be a witness is an honour. Why do you feel used?! It doesn’t put you to any effort and it’s a lovely way to include you in the ceremony. I find your reaction a bit weird tbh.

Datsandcogs · 17/07/2021 21:11

The couple marrying will only have 2 witnesses, so it’s an honour to be asked.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 17/07/2021 21:16

It’s definitely an honour to be asked to be a witness

Babycarrottt · 18/07/2021 00:23

We had a Civil Partnership in May and we asked two friends to be the witnesses. It was only the registrar, us and our friends. We wanted them there as they mean a lot to us. I'd be horrified if they thought we were using them.

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