To not meet him for this date?

[RainbowBriteUk]

I dated someone for a few months last year. My mental health got in the way and I felt he didn't treat me as well as he should've done in some ways. We parted company but stayed friends and chat everyday on what's app.

We've been getting on so well and he has been trying I can tell and so we said about meeting up tomorrow for a date. I've put a few suggestions forward to him but we haven't made plans where to go and he said he'll have a think about where we can go. He's out tonight so won't give it much thought tonight and to be honest I want to know where we'll be going. He definitely hasn't given it any thought or booked anywhere yet and I'm a bit pissed off that he's not made more of an effort to think about where we'll go. AIBU?

If he didn't treat you well, why are you bothering?

I quite like spontaneous stuff but if you don't, you don't.

My mental health got in the way and I felt he didn't treat me as well as he should've done in some ways. I wouldn't give him a second chance.

It sounded like he had changed and matured a bit

How do you he hasn't booked anything has he said that?
Is the date tomorrow?

I’d bin him off.

Yes the date is tomorrow. He's definitely not booked anything.

It sounded like he had changed and matured a bit

Nope. Rarely the case. You already know who you're dealing with, stop wasting your time.

Don't bother then

So you've suggested things to do, he has said no but not come up with any ideas and then said that HE will think of things to do? At best, he sounds boring and unimaginative, at worse, he sounds controlling and in the middle, he sounds like he doesn't care about what you want to do.

I kept giving ideas but he was non commital to them. He definitely wanted to go out though which was when he said leave it to him. No chance of him thinking of somewhere tonight as he's already drunk out with his mates. Last minute plans aren't good for me. We had a chance to book somewhere lovely. I feel like he's not put any thought into it.

@RainbowBriteUk

It sounded like he had changed and matured a bit

Adults don’t tend to change and mature within the space of a year. He is the same person, I would bet my house on it.

We parted company but stayed friends and chat everyday on what's app. have you met up with him since you parted company?

Cancel, gently, seeing as you are leaving it to the last minute to do so.

I kept giving ideas but he was non commital to them. He definitely wanted to go out though which was when he said leave it to him. bit rude of him to be honest. You've made a lot of effort and he hasn't made any. Anyone can say things in a WhatsApp to make themselves sound good. You deserve better.

Of course YANBU - you've no obligation to socialise with anyone or keep a date. Just give him some notice if you're cancelling.

He may be a perfectly nice/good person and just not understand how uncertainty, vague plans, or open-ended things upset you. If you really want to see him again as a friend, maybe pick a specific place and time and invite him? But if you were in a relationship with him and he didn't understand and try to adjust to your needs then, I doubt he will now.

Well probably he he will take you out for dinner, won’t he? Does it matter which restaurant it is? Is it because you want to know what to wear?

This is the amount of effort he is willing to put in when he’s trying to impress you. Nope. You’ll get the ick in no time.

I’d bin him

I wouldn't dream of meeting him. He's drunk with his mates in a bloody pandemic and thinks he's going to shag you tomorrow. Keep hold of those boundaries; this man doesn't respect them at all.