AIBU not to want to do anything for my 50th?

[Nearly50TotallyKnackered]

I’m going to be 50 in a few weeks, as is DP. People keep asking me what I’m going to do to celebrate but the thought of trying to organise something just makes me want to cry and rock in a corner.

We have a 7-year-old DC with severe LDs, autism, ADHD and behavioural problems. They can’t tolerate crowds or other children and restaurants are a nightmare. We don’t have anyone who could look after them for a few hours. The only thing we could do is have a gathering at our house, which would mean lots of work and DP and I would end up just chasing DC around.

WIBU just to think ‘fuck it’ and pretend it’s not happening?

I'm 50 too soon.

I'm not that sociable. I've asked for a cake & a bit of jewellery, as I have very little. But no surprises...

I don't & never have had a group of women friends, so socialising is tiring as it is not a common occurance.

I have adhd, so I have much empathy.

I feel exactly the same about my 60th.
YANBU. It's your birthday. Your choice.

There's no right or wrong way to celebrate, or not celebrate, a life milestone. Do what's right for your personality and circumstances. Some people want a big, public celebration, others a private event, and to some people it's just another day.

I did nothing for past milestones, but plan on doing something nice or treating myself somehow in future. I wouldn't want a big event or to be the centre of attention.

Neither DH nor I like being the centre of attention so for mine I just had a "tea party" with him and the kids and a Colin the caterpillar cake. Stunning way to spend my birthday.

The kids even gave me exactly what I asked for... they took the dog for a walk, giving me "a little bit of peace and quiet...". Result.

It sounds like it’s the circumstances and childcare complications that are behind you not wanting to do anything rather than a natural reclusiveness. Why don’t you and DH take it in turns and go out for a day/evening with friends and family while the other stays with DC? And, if so many people are asking you what you’re doing to celebrate, are really none of them suitable to look after DC for a bit (maybe later in the evening if they sleep reliably) so you and DH could sneak out for one quick drink just the two of you?

We always do a special holiday for big birthdays but I realise that’s probably not possible with your DC. I hate parties, but really enjoy planning a trip somewhere different we can all explore.

A party would not be my idea of fun but there are lots of things I'd enjoy as a treat - a long walk in the countryside, an afternoon alone at the cinema or a gallery, an ice cold glass of champagne whilst someone rubbed my feet.

Try to think of some lovely things to make you feel cherished and happy then work out whether they're possible.

It sounds like it’s the circumstances and childcare complications that are behind you not wanting to do anything rather than a natural reclusiveness.

@HaggisTheGreat That’s exactly it. I’m naturally gregarious with lots of friends and family I’d love to celebrate with. I’m not one for big parties but my 40th was a rolling series of meals out, which was ideal. I don’t like the idea of doing something without my DP, though. And it would be hellish for him to be on his own with DC for a whole day. I feel like whatever I do, someone will be short-changed, which makes the whole birthday thing stressful rather than fun.

None of our friends or family would be able to cope with DC. We’re trying to get more support and have been allocated respite hours - the problem is trying to find people who can cope with DC. They all think they can then realise they can’t. But that’s a whole other story…

Get my dh 50th and in-laws 50th wedding anniversary out the way both two years time, then I’ll save for 60th a down duvet from Iceland we’re the birds are protects. No one touches them, the downs from the nest after they’ve gone,

@ddl1

YANBU! I may be biased because I hate age-milestone celebrations and refuse to let people know my birthday. But under the circumstances that you describe - when it would just cause enormous stress to you , rather than be a celebration- why on earth should anyone expect it of you?

I thought it was just me that didn't tell people when their birthday is. I don't like a fuss and hate being centre of attention.

Op yanbu! It's your birthday, celebrate it how you want to.