To be leaving DP?

[Ikeeponkeepingon]

I have just told dp I am leaving after a cycle of put downs, sulking and bad temper outbursts, aimed at both me and our dc who is autistic. Both my mother and my gran implied to think that 'all men are just like that', "they just don't have the same patience as us'. My mum even implied I should just stay after I asked him to go to anger management and he refused. I am incredulous that anyone would normalise shouting and putting down a disabled child. That is not acceptable is it?

YANBU but you know that. Be strong and do the right thing for you and your child.

I think I have spent so long being put down I doubt my own ability to think clearly.

Yanbu.

You are doing the best thing for you and your child.

Sounds a toxic environment - I’m sure you and your child will be much happier without him. Hugs xx

YADNBU, you get one life and it’s precious, live the happiest way you can. Good for you!

Well done and good luck. Your mum should be ashamed of herself.

You know when you know that it's time enough.

You're doing the right thing. Even if you were thick skinned for yourself, your ds won't be and needs to be away from such a cruel man.

Nobody should be made to feel put down.
Sometimes it can happen inadvertently, and you accept it's a mistake - nobody's perfect, and we can word things badly sometimes, but if you truly feel put down on a regular basis, something is wrong.

Most folks would be horrified to unintentionally put someone down. You'll know right away if someone feels this way.
Someone who isn't horrified it is someone happy to put you and your child down. That's unacceptable. Always.

He is too busy being horrified at the fact I asked him to go to anger management. A ridiculous suggestion apparently 🙄

Has he accepted anything you've put to him yet?
Otherwise, he's essentially it's ALL in your head?

YANBU to leave a relationship for any reason you want to, whether anyone else thinks it's ridiculous or not a good enough reason or whatever. Even the smallest reason making you want to leave a relationship shows that something isn't right. Good luck

@VerticalHorizon

Has he accepted anything you've put to him yet? Otherwise, he's essentially it's ALL in your head?

I told him I am leaving. I will go as soon as I can but reality is it may be a couple of months till I cam find somewhere. He said fine. He accepted that his behaviour was poor (although tried to put the blame on ds and I for a start) but won't agree to do anything about it. This is far from the first time he has done this so he has had plenty chances to turn it around on his own. Hence I suggested help as a last ditch attempt.

Well, if he's not even willing to try and change, there really is no point is there? you're doing the right thing.

Out of curiousity, if he did magically come to his senses and genuinely attempted to change, would you give it a go, or have you got past that point now, and the decision's made?

All men are most definitely not like that. Only the crap ones. OP you're doing the right thing.

I think we are probably past that point to be honest. Certainly won't happen unless he at least tries to get help because clearly he can't do it by himself.

Like fuck that having a dick makes you one. Otherwise we would all be cunts!

@Ikeeponkeepingon

I think we are probably past that point to be honest. Certainly won't happen unless he at least tries to get help because clearly he can't do it by himself.

Then in reality, the sooner you seek an improved life for you and your child, the better. Right choice for you, and for them.

As for your DP. Maybe he'll learn something as a result. Maybe he won't. If he does, then his next partner might benefit. If he doesn't, then you'll benefit anyway.

Definitely not being unreasonable OP. You know when it’s time to go. I’d suggest posting on the relationship board too - they’ve been so helpful for me. After a while of being in a toxic relationship, your sense of normal becomes skewed.