To have had enough of the constant criticism?

[biggirlknickers]

It’s been a pretty shit week.

I didn’t get a job I interviewed for.

I’ve been hauled into my boss’s office twice for not doing my job properly. (Not entirely fairly I think but that’s a whole different thread) They weren’t nice about it.

Now exH is having a go because the DC have head lice.

The thing is, I try really hard with everything. I don’t mean to make mistakes. I do care - massively -about my children and my job. I’m also totally overstretched, like so many of us.

I don’t go round my life criticising others. I don’t line manage anyone (I do direct one person but never criticise them). I don’t say anything to exH about his parenting even though there is plenty I don’t agree with. I haven’t even mentioned the fact he never puts DCs hair up on the one day he takes them to school.

I don’t go round trying to make other people feel bad. I just do my best - which clearly isn’t good enough.

I wish people would just leave me the fuck alone.

AIBU? Yes, try harder. No, people are just horrible.

Sorry you feel this way. People can be so thoughtless with comments x

What do you mean by criticism? Constructive comments, concerns and genuine feedback are not criticisms. I wonder if you may be being a little over sensitive?

Also, not ever expressing yourself to others is not ideal either. If the member of staff you line manage and/or yr ex DH for example, are not aware that they may be indirectly making your life difficult/ perform badly at work etc , that is not good. You need to communicate that. The comments you have taken exception to, have been made by those who feel your actions have impacted on them. Work, as job not done properly and EXDH as he now either needs to treat the nits (?) or thought they could have been seen/dealt with earlier? Nothing wrong with you spotting them and then asking him/allocating it to him, to deal with asap, if you are pushed for time.

With kindness OP, maybe you are not managing your demands effectively? I know you said you are doing yr best but, with respect, maybe you need to change how you are organising yourself. That may mean allocating to others, pulling others up when they do not pull their weight, that means communicating and feeding back what you need/expect. It is not criticising, it is organising and managing.

I think you need to be more vocal OP and that will not mean you are criticising others. It means you are communicating , organising , effecting change and getting results. If they then see it as criticism , it is for them to go off and think about it, did biggir maybe have a point?

I think the frustration in yr post shows , you probably knew yourself , the comments you have had this week were probably justified. Try not focus too much now on the week just gone and make the changes you need to help yourself moving forward.

Sounds like a really tough week Head lice happen your exh is bu to berate you over it. Could you be burnt out which could be contribute to mistakes at work - might be worth speaking to your GP if that might be the case?

YADNBU - I was feeling like this recently - constant criticism from all sides - with work mainly due to illness and I just completely flipped. I explained to all my family and my boss that I need support not criticism. Honestly I was completely on the edge. They have all now done a 360 in case I flip again - you maybe need to do the same - let it all out or it will eventually destroy you. And how can you be blamed for nits for goodness sake. Tell you other half to give his head a wobble!

You’re not alone in feeling this way, I’m there with you! Every day is a new criticism, you should do x y and z in some alphabet I don’t even know (because we’ve run through the ones I do know!) and I feel like I’m going to explode. It is simply too much and I can’t do anymore.

I’m sure there’s plenty I could do to be better, I just don’t know what. I am overly sensitive, I’m a people pleaser surrounded by stronger personalities than my own and I’m drowning.

I also do my best, but it just isn’t good enough either.

💐 for you.

You need to let them know that you are struggling.
Ask you xH to sort the children lice himself if he has them. It is not mission impossible.
At work, why are there issues? Do you have too much to do? New tasks that you are learning? Find the reason, and address it straight away. If you need training, overworked or other, tell your manager.
We all have times like these tbf. You have to share the burden a bit if that is the case.

Is it your fault they have lice, did you give them to them ?
Give him the treatment and tell him to get on with it.
And tell him to tie the hair up to reduce the chance of them getting lice.

Thank you, you have all given me thoughtful and helpful replies.

I do need to organise myself a bit better but yes I’m also quite burnt out right now.

Somebody upthread said they are a “people pleaser surrounded by strong personalities and I’m drowning.” I get this so much. But the “strong personalities” make me feel so angry too - how dare they criticise me when I am truly trying my best? As someone else said - I need support, not criticism.

I’ve found in the last couple of weeks that I’m forgetting a lot of important things. Like yesterday, I forgot that I’d left my car somewhere else (so it wasn’t outside my house) until the moment I was leaving the house to get in it (to go somewhere important) and it wasn’t there. And I’m forgetting to pass on messages. I forgot I was supposed to be going out one evening even though I’d known about it for 2 weeks. I don’t know what’s going on with me.

YANBU.

The forgetfulness is probably caused by being overworked and tired. Can you take a week or two off?

It does sound like burn out. What steps do you think are possible for you to do fewer things better?

Totally get where you are coming from OP.

State the facts calmly to all parties.

About the headlice: not wearing hair tied up is a great way of getting headlice, so tell XH that and ignore any other comments from him. Take a photo of the dc with hair how it's supposed to be worn for school and ask him why that wasn't the case on his watch.

About work: tell them the contributing factors and state what you need from them to be able to achieve what they are asking.

The stronger personalities are making me angry as well! I feel like I’m expected to be some sort of sponge that takes it all in for everyone else, deal with whatever shit gets thrown at me and fucking smile whilst being told how shit I am.

I know this rough patch will pass, things will get better but it just doesn’t feel like it at the minute.

My memory is also like a sieve - I feel like a goldfish and live in fear of how/what I’m going to screw up next.

I so feel for you. You do your best, being empathic and considerate of others, leading to mistakes - so many things to consider. And selfish twats either take you for granted or use you as the whipping boy.

I have no real solutions as I suspect it will take a personality or life overhaul. I have had enough today (similar situation). I have drunk a few glasses of wine and gone into if-it-causes-problems-or-you-need-deal-with-something-youself-i-will-not-sort-it mode. Seriously, i am only lifting my glass. It is very liberating to realise how much i would have been doing for no thanks or critisism.

No idea for long-term ideas as my relationships have been built on a weaker basis.

OP, just a thought but how old are you? The memory loss is making me wonder whether you’re peri-menopausal. It can also be a symptom of depression and stress. Perhaps think about a check up with your GP?

I’m 47.

So very possible I’m peri menopausal.

Similar age to you OP. I became very forgetful, foggy and assumed I had burnout from overwork and or depression from the pandemic. Turns out it's anemia from peri menopause. Pandemic kept me from regular checkups with doctor so it wasn't diagnosed right away. It slowly saps your energy and mental resources. I also had a very unsupportive work environment (to the point I wonder if i should formally complain). Push for diagnostic tests and bloodwork. Also, it sounds like people around you have little empathy.

I’m hoping you didn’t get that job as a better one is just round the corner.
Ex is welcome to go to school and nit check each child to ensure his darlings never catch lice again. Or shave heads.
The people at work aren’t nice.
You sound lovely. You’re just trying to do EVERYTHING.