My dad is currently at the end of life. He came home from hospital 6 weeks ago and he had a live in carer funded by the NHS. All was going well until last weekend, when something clearly happened and my dad refused to let him do anything. I got a call at 4pm from the carer to say he had called 111 and they had sent out a GP as my dad has been suffering for a very long time with massively swollen feet and legs. I was furious that he had done all of this without telling either myself or my DSis. We persuaded him to let him stay one more night and we would try to sort out another carer on Monday.
Monday morning at 8am, my DSis went to his house to see if she could solve the situation. My dad has had 3 massive strokes and is mobile, but has very little clear speech and pretty much no memory at all.
He was still insisting the carer left. Care company could not provide a carer that day and told us we would either have to do it or leave him alone. Monday night he was yelling out in pain, so I spoke to the palliative care team, who sent out an amazing GP, who really listened to us and took the time to explain everything. The fluid that was in his legs is now in his lungs, he has extensive kidney disease and none of this can be reversed. We decided that he would give dad a morphine injection, within minutes he was asleep and peaceful, we sat up all night keeping watch.
New carer arrives, not the person we were told was coming but another lady. We held nothing back, wanted her to have a very clear picture of what she was taking on. She decided to stay, but has never done end of life care, although she has studied it.
I wasn’t overly impressed but I am disabled myself and he needs expert care.
Fast forward to today, the extra carer came to wash him and change him etc, and I really don’t know what happened but the extra carer complained about the live in one, not helping to do all they needed.
Same carer arrived at lunchtime, saw he wasn’t wet and left. My dad is now on a syringe driver, which means a nurse comes every day to change it. The carer kept talking about my dad having pressure sore, but not to the nurse. Two hours after she left, carer decides his skin has deteriorated to such an extent, she wants a nurse back out to assess. That could take up to 6 hours, so she agreed to wait until tomorrow.
Then the other carer arrived, the same one that complained. They were having a full blown row in his room and it was loud. I wish I’d been more aware and reacted but I didn’t.
So, live in Carer’s are extremely difficult to find, AIBU to sack this one and hope? His care this week has been awful at times, he begged me to let him die in his own home, but at this point, I am tempted to look for a hospice place, my sister disagrees, but will hide behind me when anything like this occurs. I can’t change the care company, the NHS are funding and we don’t get to choose who they employ. This is traumatic anyway, he is our surviving parent. He has been so unsettled today, screams out when anyone touches him. His sister is a carer and will stay for the weekend, but has to return to work on Monday. She has been amazing today.
I was just sitting with him earlier, told him he was safe and he is totally adamant that he isn’t, heartbreaking.
Sorry this is so long, so if you’ve made it this far, does anyone have any advice please?