Has everyone turned FAKE

[Colstina]

So I am usually the mate who does too much for people and it’s rarely reciprocated .

However I don’t have a massive circle which is fine for my age range I guess - I have a handful of good mates and that’s all I want.

But I have one , who I would class as my best friend , I love her to bits but I’m sensing huge fakeness with her of late .

She is one of them people who makes out everyone is her best mate!!!

she literally has friends coming out of everywhere , she will post a pic of people I’ve never even heard of she is one of them that makes you feel like the best person in the world but then on her next post it’s about “my gorgeous bestie” (like a million besties lol) but then when I see her she’s slagging them off or telling me something they did to annoy her and that I’m the only person she FULLY and TRULY trusts blah blah blah.

She has a lot of money and can do a lot more social stuff than me and I suppose I feel a little jealous/envious and left behind.

Even since I was younger I feel I’ve never been anyone’s best mate truly ! Why would that be, I feel I’m a really good and genuine friend.

I go out my way to get her lovely birthday cards and presents and same for Christmas and in the 11 years we have been mates she has never bought me a gift or even sent me a birthday card , it’s odd .

I know this isn’t first world problems , I just feel sad about it .

Any advise welcome , just want to hear others views and I know I sound a little over sensitive , I am , it’s been a rough few years.

You deserve a better best friend.

I go out my way to get her lovely birthday cards and presents and same for Christmas and in the 11 years we have been mates she has never bought me a gift or even sent me a birthday card , it’s odd

So why do you do it ?
I understand we are all different. I've never been in a friendship group that give each other presents every year (only when invited to a party for a 'big' birthday). Some people might do this. That's fine, but clearly she doesn't - so why continue year after year ? It seems an odd thing to do .

Even since I was younger I feel I’ve never been anyone’s best mate truly ! Why would that be, I feel I’m a really good and genuine friend.

I also think this is strange. Why do you need to "rank" friendships ?
I have lots of friends. At various times there have been times when I've been closer to one or another, and I have good, longstanding friendships with people I've known for years but don't necessarily see or speak to them very regularly. Other friends I might see very often and spend a fair bit of time with, I might know more on a surface level. Others - who might have a similar life to mine at and stage of life, it might be 'easy' to go out with or meet up with. None of these things make someone a better or any less of a friend.

If you enjoy her company - spend time with her. If you don't, then don't.

What age are you? This seems a bit immature

Its weird because during lock down, my best friend has become like this. We were super close.

Then all of a sudden she was maid of honour for a woman I have never heard of. She spent £400 attending the wedding, despite having fairly big money issues. So I am guessing she doesn't know this woman that well, for this women to ask her to pay for things like the dress, nails and make up and 2 night in a hotel.

Me and my best friend were together all the time, I am not friends with all her friends bit I know them.

A few mutual friends mentioned it how much she seems to have changed but I haven't really said anything. I have just let her get on with it.

It could be that during lockdown she has changed or just made more friends in her village. As long as she is happy, I am fine. Even if the friendship wanes a bit.

Stop buying her stuff.

Don’t spend your time and money getting presents for somebody who has never done this for you in 11 years!

Stop buying her stuff and putting yourself out.

@Tempusfudgeit - thank you that’s a really nice thing to say .

@BackforGood I think your view on things is probably very black and white which is fine , I feel I continue to do those things as that’s what my head says “best mates “ should do and I’m a chronic people pleaser (trust me I wish I wasn’t)

Also yes I totally agree with your view on friendships, I deffo don’t “rank” friendships I have other different friends etc and don’t feel this way , I just wish once in life it was a bit more reciprocated from the one I view as my closest mate, as I don’t trust easy at all. But I suppose life isn’t like that with friendships, I think I just want to feel viewed they way I view her .

@PaddleBoardingMomma - yep I’m old enough to know how immature this sounds (38) hence why I put it on here just to see if others view friendships the same as me , I would NEVER EVER in a million years air this to my friend as i know how pathetic it is . I think I’m just not in a good place and have over thought the situation.

Thank you for your responses

I love her to bits

Do you? Can you articulate why? There's nothing in your post that indicates she's been a good friend. Has she been supportive, a good listener, considerate of your feelings, can you turn to her with problems, or is she loyal or perhaps you share the same sense of humour?

Sorry but if this was a relationship you'd be told to dump them. You deserve better. It'll hurt at first but I think this friendship is making you feel like shit.

@SmileyClare

Yes I really do , she’s the friend I like spending most time with , we don’t stop laughing (which is my main reason it’s just fun and silly ) she’s loud and bubbly and she is the girl that people tend to be drawn too (I’m only ever that girl when I’ve had a drink due to lack of confidence )

I can talk to her mostly , but like I say I think anyone would feel the same with her she has that way about her (and I mean that positively )

I think realistically she doesn’t do the things I have listed in my OP with anyone , potentially treats everyone the same and makes everyone feel like they are her best friend , where as I’m not like that - but I suppose we can’t all be the same . I think maybe I’m just too much of a people pleaser and need to chill out. x

Psychology is an intriguing topic

You don't need to chill out, you need some confidence in yourself. You deserve better than this and you need to stop idolising this woman.

Being loud and bubbly isn't something to aspire to really, neither is "collecting" friends on Facebook. She's sounds self absorbed and shallow. Surely you can see beyond her facade?

When you see her she's "slagging all her friends off" ? It doesn't sound fun at all.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. You sound like a kind generous person that's being taken for granted x

She does sound superficial and ego-driven. Empty vessels and all that.

You can’t really complain about her not getting you gifts when she never has - you need to stop buying gifts for her, you’re being a real doormat there.

She wants everyone’s attention - your idea of a real friendship won’t bear any similarity to her concept of self as projected on others.

Sounds to me like you're an introvert - which is perfectly OK, and she's an extrovert, which is also perfectly OK.
She collects people, because she needs lots of other people to feel happy.
You don't collect people - just your "handful of good mates", and her.
You're just different folk OP.

Have you seen Motherland? She's Amanda and you're Anne.

@Wingedharpy
You have 100 percent hit the nail on the head there , that’s exactly who we are. And I think that’s why I enjoy her company as you never want 2 introverts together

@SmileyClare
Thanks for your replies they mean a lot , I do need to work on my confidence , lack of it gets me in all these kind of troubles in my little mind . I have watched motherland but it was a while ago I need to revisit now to have a look 🤣

I think the replied saying to stop buying her things are correct , it’s not that I give to receive as genuinly a card would of meant more to me , but I shouldn’t keep doing it just to try and please her when it makes me sad .

@Whiskycav
It’s indeed a strange one with lock down I think it has changed a lot of people and I get that for sure , its for sure made me an over thinker and a little bit uptight . Clearly made me question people’s intentions with me a little too Much . I hope your friendship sorts out also , I do believe if it’s meant to be it will be x

If someone is being nasty about their friends when talking to me, the chances are they are being nasty about their friends when they are talking to other people. When I know someone like this I am always wary about them as I would expect them to talk about me with their other friends like they talk about others when with me. You can practically guarantee that when she is talking to other friends she is saying they are the only person she FULLY and TRULY trusts etc.

It sounds to me that she is pretty superficial, when it comes to friendships at least, and you are more invested in this friendship than she is. Go out with her for a good evenings entertainment if that's what you'd like and she has the personality of someone you like to party with but I wouldn't expect a close relationship with her, the last eleven years of not even a token gift or card to mark special occasions has shown you this.

I think she was always fake and you've only just realised.

You sound lovely. Invest time and care in people who will invest in you.

I don't think you can judge a person's fake-ness or genuineness by their gifts and cards. And over-effusiveness about people on social media, while it's not my thing personally, might be just their style, perhaps aggravated by all the lockdowns and isolation that we've been having. However, what really would sound a warning bell for me is what you say about 'when I see her she’s slagging them off or telling me something they did to annoy her and that I’m the only person she FULLY and TRULY trusts'. This sort of thing does smack of insincerity, and if she can do it to you about others, she could do it to others about you.

These 'friendships' never end well. Find someone less 'bubbly' but more sincere, who can reciprocate