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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask advise about what’s going on with our private tutor?

14 replies

MagnificentBottom · 16/07/2021 20:49

I’m getting myself all in a twist and can’t think straight so need some perspective. DSD 9 has been having lessons with a fabulous music teacher for about two years. She continued on zoom all through lockdown and it was her last lesson earlier, I over heard the teacher say this was the last lesson and have a lovely summer.

This is is all fine but what’s concerning me is that I know from other parents that she started to resume face to face lessons in March but never mentioned coming back to visit us, just continued on zoom, she wanted to work through last summer as she felt the holidays was too long a break from tuition which was great for us as DSD loves the lessons. I’ve sent her a text saying we’d love her to resume face to face lessons if she’s happy to but hasn’t responded which is completely out of character for her as she always responds straight away to any messages.
I’m getting a bit paranoid and wonder if she wants to drop us, but I can’t see why as DSD works hard and is making great progress, we never cancel or mess her around and always pay on time. We also have a good rapport.
I guess it must be difficult for private tutors, I mean how do they get rid of people they no longer want to work with?
I don’t know what to think and it’s really bothering me. Other parents have also got lessons booked with her throughout the holidays as well.

OP posts:

tinkerbellvspredator · 16/07/2021 20:55

What do you want? I'd be wanting a tutor to carry on over summer (as your DD loves it) and start face to face again. So I'd either tell the tutor that's what you want and say you're going elsewhere if she can't provide that. Or hedge your bets and use the summer break to trial out a new tutor.

Dalgleish · 16/07/2021 21:05

Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable with f2f at the moment but has been forced into it by other parents and hopes you won't do that.

Hassled · 16/07/2021 21:06

Do you have any pets she might not be comfortable around? Is your house out of the way/ poor parking/ something like that?

Original poster

MagnificentBottom · 16/07/2021 21:20

I’ve dropped hints about wanting to continue in the summer and also let her know we are happy for her to visit again. I really don’t think she would be doing face to face if she wasn’t comfortable as she is quite a confident, independent woman, I get the impression she would not have any issue with not doing something she wasn’t entirely happy about.

We are in a quiet cul de sac with parking on our drive. We have a dog and so does she, she always made a fuss of our dog and clearly likes animals.

I’ve already politely texted her and she hasn’t responded, I don’t want to come across as heavy handed and give her an ultimatum as that would understandably piss her off.

OP posts:

maddening · 16/07/2021 21:33

I would just message to say that you want to carry on over summer with f2f lessons, please could she let you know by the end of the week as you have found an alternative who is happy to take dsd on for the summer.

Original poster

MagnificentBottom · 16/07/2021 21:36

@maddening

Yes I think that’s the only thing I can do.

OP posts:

KrisAkabusi · 16/07/2021 21:51

I’ve dropped hints about wanting to continue in the summer and also let her know we are happy for her to visit again.

You're in a business relationship with this woman. Don't drop hints, tell her what you want. Your entire AIBU goes away if you just have a conversation with her!

Skysblue · 16/07/2021 22:36

Talk to her and ask what her plan / expectation is for returning to face to face. No need to mess about with hints or ultimatums just ask what is going on.

It’s possible she’s trying to do a ‘halfway’ solution where she teaches f2f with weaker/distracted students or those she’s worried will quit, but keeps as many of her more reliable students on zoom as she can.

FlyingSoHigh · 16/07/2021 23:11

Just talk to her? You're over thinking this.

FlyingSoHigh · 16/07/2021 23:13

But don't threaten her by saying you have an alternative lined up if you don't. Good tutors are hard to find - don't play games, just be straight forward about what you want.

cadburyegg · 16/07/2021 23:18

She might prefer lessons over zoom because she can fit more in rather than having her pupils spaced out to allow for travel time. Other parents have pushed her for face to face perhaps. I agree to try and have a frank conversation about it and your expectations

hedgehogger1 · 16/07/2021 23:25

Maybe you need to offer to go to her in case it's the travel time. That's time she can't be earning and is presumably having to pay petrol etc as you mention parking

lanthanum · 16/07/2021 23:41

My DD stayed on zoom longer than other pupils with both her teachers. With one it was travel time - she was the only pupil at her school, so the travel time was longer than the lesson. With the other, she had a better than average connection, had got the art of positioning her laptop to see the keyboard well, and was at a stage where things could be explained without needing to be in the same room.

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that your child would like to return to face-to-face, and if that's still going to be a problem in September, you'd like to look for a new teacher. If no reply to text, give her a call.

larkstar · 17/07/2021 00:06

I have been doing private tuition since the start of 2009. I know only a couple of tutors locally - we are all so different in how we like to work, what we teach, etc - I have no plans to return to face to face teaching until Sept at the earliest - I decided I did not want to teach on-line - partly because it doesn't suit the way I teach and partly because I really needed a break from it - I had tried to cut down on my work for the past couple of years but it's not that easy to do for all kinds of reasons - the pandemic did me a favour TBH.

I teach mainly A-level maths/advanced maths/stats, and chemistry but my background is physics - so I teach physics (but there is little demand for it) and all the molecule based parts of biology. I also teach GCSE's but far prefer the A-level work - I was a primary school teacher too so I also have KS2 students on occasions as well as adults taking professional qualifications who need support with maths or physics. I only work from - home - if I had to travel I would have to double what I charge for the time to travel and time I'd have to factor in for the unpredictability of travelling around. While I have always been happy to work as late as 9pm, the odd day at the weekend (if needed) and, if I am not going away, any half-terms or during the summer - but I certainly wouldn't have any definite expectations about how a tutor might work - we are all different - you'd have to discuss what you "think" you want. Some tutors will only work during term time. I work for myself and I feel perfectly at liberty to use the flexibility I have to work when I want - I really don't do it for money - I do it because I enjoy it - I haven't missed the income I've lost since the start of 2019. I have encouraged some students to come over the summer (the reasons vary) but few do. Some IMHO do need a break.

I find your comment about a tutor wanting to get "rid of a student" very strange - I feel a great sense of responsibility to my student first and foremost - I wouldn't ever want to disappoint them or let them down. I can work with any student but I admit I do talk to the parents a lot before I consider taking a student on because I need to understand their points of view, opinions, expectations, etc - I am honest with parents in a way that I often felt I could not be when I worked full time as a classroom teacher. I have a great amount of respect for classroom teachers - they work under very difficult conditions - I am lucky to have more time and to be able to do my work they way I want to. TBH, generally I don't take a very positive view of parents who have an axe to grind with their child's school or it's teachers or those who try to tell me how to do my job or what to teach - IMHO my teaching skills and curriculum and examination knowledge all increased when I stopped teaching full-time and started working one-to-one.

Perhaps your tutor has decided to limit how much time she will teach over the summer - perhaps the other students are at a more critically important stage - I might prioritise some students over other students for a wide variety of reasons - I have to save space in my schedule for extra lessons when exams are looming and I prioritise my A-level students over my GCSE students. If I have too many maths students I might not take on a lone chemistry student - it's a lot of work to do to teach only one students a particular subject, etc - your tutor might focus on her grade 5 students and not teach lower or other grades - better to have 4 students all doing grade 5 instead of 4 students all doing different grades or she may not want to do the grade 5 theory or only do the grade 5 theory - can you see that grouping together similar students makes life as a tutor far easier? I needed a break because I teach too many subjects at too many different levels. I have thought I might do a year of teaching Spanish for a change and drop the STEM subjects.

Be open, honest and open minded with your tutor and what you "think" you want and what your concerns are - it's a working relationship between all three of you but personally I'd avoid being too prescriptive or dogmatic.

hth

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