Mum's comments

[Onlinedilema]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable just posting for traffic really.
Went to see my mum today, mainly for her benefit as she is lonely.
Suddenly during the conversation my mum turned to me and asked "Have you put weight on?"
Later she said "What colour is that on your legs?"
Well no, I haven't put weight on. I fully admit I could do with losing weight, absolutely. I am no longer as fit, slim and toned as I used to be but my weight hasn't changed for some time. I was also wearing very casual, summer clothing, a pair of shorts and a vest. I would not be wearing these clothes if it wasn't extremely hot today and also I was only going to see mum so no chance of anyone else seeing me. I also had fake tan on my legs which she is fully aware of. I use the same one as always. The last few times she has seen me she has said how I look a lovely colour. I only use it in summer as I can't bare to expose my white limbs.
Came home and told dh what sheb had said. Now trust me my dh is no fan of the over fake orange look by any means. He said i look absolutely fine and my legs look very natural (I have also been spending lots of time in the garden so probably naturally more tanned too) he certainly would tell me if I looked daft. He was furious about the weight comment and said she was being mean and nasty.
My clothes don't feel any tighter than normal.
Just wondering if other people face this from their parents, is it normal?
If I'm asking "Do I look fat, do I look stupid?" Then fair enough but we weren't even talking about weight or appearance.
sorry for the ramblings.

Awful.
Sounds like it's not a once off.

Very rude.

See her less.

Don't be anyone's punching bag.

Reduce your visits and if she asks why, tell her that she is often rude and you are far too busy to be maki g time for that type of behaviour.

Don't call her if you normally do.

Be massively less available.

@Nuggetnugget good way of dealing with it.

Also the first time she says anything rude, turn around and leave, say " I can see you are not in form for visitors, I will leave you in peace"....and do just that.

@TSSDNCOP

I'll use DM as an example here. If she's lonely she isn't used to conversation, this leads to blurting out all sorts of random comments she doesn't really mean, but her social filter is out of practice. Being alone is hard. Being social when you've been alone is also hard.

I think my DM is like this too. I have some noticeable acne on my neck and jaw which started last year after I had an IUD fitted. When she saw them she winced and said ‘oh I can see what you mean about your zits!’ She also referred to our garden in a previous house as ‘postage-stamp sized’ (it was small but not that small!) and frequently comments on people’s weight or clothes (out of earshot but unkind).

If I say anything she says I’m being ‘touchy’ and complains that she ‘can never say anything right.’ She never backs down and never apologises.

She lives alone although does work and speaks to people there, but I think she isn’t always aware of what is tactful/appropriate/kind to say to me.

My mother is like this, and as pp said above I’m “touchy” and “over sensitive” if I pull her up on it. So I avoid her as much as possible now. She doesn’t seem to understand why which is a shame for her but I’m not obliged to spend time with people who put me down.