Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think new divorce law will have a flaw, in that it will be too easy for your spouse to divorce you without your consent?

69 replies

RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 09:59

It looks like it’s coming in in April 2002, after some delays. No fault seems generally a good idea, and there will be a new option to file jointly, but surely it has the drawback that one party will be able to push a divorce through too easily and quickly?

I already have my decree Nisi, and my situation is amicable, so it won’t impact me, but it just dawned on me that there is a down side. Surely the adversarial element helps at the moment in more contentious situations by allowing time to negotiate settlements?

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-apr-jun-2019/how-will-no-fault-divorce-work-uk-divorce-law-reforms-explained/

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-divorce-law-to-end-the-blame-game

OP posts:
Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 10:36

@BlatantlyNameChanged

What *@PicsInRed* said with bells on.

Family member left her controlling arsehole of a husband and he dragged out every last step of process, as well as ramping up the emotional abuse. He gladly signed over her half of the house but he made bloody sure she didn't get to see a penny of it as it all ended up being spent on legal fees. He would tell anyone who would listen that the delays to the process were because the system and the courts agreed with him that she didn't know what she was doing/there was no reason for them to divorce/they should stay together or would get back together and that he was basically in the right, making the process as difficult as possible was vindication for him.

Divorce as a process should be as simplified, as cheap, and as easy as possible with no opportunity for either party to use it as a way to tangle up the other.

That is absolutely horrendous. I suppose the truth is that toxic people will be toxic regardless and abusers will find a way to be abusive.

How depressing.

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 16/07/2021 10:36

It's going to be of most benefit to couples with no assets, where one (and it is usually the woman) is being denied a divorce as a form of abuse.

There are people who can't even contemplate applying yet because they know he'd string it out, ignore paperwork, insist on endless 'mediation' as a form of control. And they'd have to stay married to him during all of that. There are people who just love the drama and power.

Being married on paper, with no way out, is a horrible, horrible thing. It impacts everything.

Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 10:38

@lughnasadh

It's going to be of most benefit to couples with no assets, where one (and it is usually the woman) is being denied a divorce as a form of abuse.

There are people who can't even contemplate applying yet because they know he'd string it out, ignore paperwork, insist on endless 'mediation' as a form of control. And they'd have to stay married to him during all of that. There are people who just love the drama and power.

Being married on paper, with no way out, is a horrible, horrible thing. It impacts everything.

Yes, it’s an abused woman’s access to a fair share of the assets I was concerned about,
OP posts:
Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 10:40

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Is this separate to the financial settlement? Because doing that properly and not rushed is the more important thing than being legally divorced
Yes it’s separate, but I know at least two friends who were advised to get the financial settlement done before the Absolute.

Maybe that’s not always the advice, though.

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 16/07/2021 10:44

Wish this was around when my ex was alive. I had to drop mine because life was made incredibly difficult. He tried to destroy the lives of myself and our children. And he played every single legal game to delay, he had a huge advantage over me that his best mate was a divorce lawyer. All because he didn't want it in black and white what an utter cunt he was.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 16/07/2021 10:45

I do remember a case not that long ago of a judge refusing to grant a divorce because the husband refused. I think it was on religious grounds. So I'm in favour of this change but I do think financial and childcare settlements must still be fair.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 16/07/2021 10:49

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/24/tini-owens-trapped-loveless-marriage-judges-refuse-divorce this is the case I was thinking of.

whynotwhatknot · 16/07/2021 10:50

As long as finances isnt affected then i say its a good idea-who wants it to be strung out for two years because some abusive twat wont agree

Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 10:51

That was a ridiculous case wasn’t it @GlutenFreeGingerCake ? I wonder if that was inspiration for the positive reforms?

(Your username makes me hungry every time I see it, BTW Smile)

OP posts:
Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 10:55

@whynotwhatknot

As long as finances isnt affected then i say its a good idea-who wants it to be strung out for two years because some abusive twat wont agree
That’s what I’m wondering about. I should have stuck this in legal to get a comment from a Family Law practitioner, really.
OP posts:
Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 10:57

@Viviennemary

On the whole I think it's a good thing. But it would make you wonder what the point is of marriage if you can just say I'm sick of you next please.
But that's the same for most legal contracts.

The legal side of marriage isn't really about 'forever' . It has a legal out. I don't think making that legal out, more difficult helps anyone.

frazzledasarock · 16/07/2021 11:04

@Viviennemary

On the whole I think it's a good thing. But it would make you wonder what the point is of marriage if you can just say I'm sick of you next please.
It's a legal contract, not a life sentence.
PicsInRed · 16/07/2021 11:34

Yes it’s separate, but I know at least two friends who were advised to get the financial settlement done before the Absolute.

This relates specifically to pension sharing, which can be dealt with as part of reform or (as is currently the case) absoute can be formally delayed for the completion of actuarial reports and the sealing of a final pension sharing order.

It's no reason to delay or complicate divorce for anyone else - especially those with no pension sharing to resolve.

Cabinfever10 · 16/07/2021 11:35

It took over 7 years for my dh to divorce his exw because she was such a nightmare and did everything she could to prevent it including trying to accuse me of causing the split when I didn't meet him until after the decree nici (sp)🤣
Even now 20 years on she's still playing the victim and ended being kicked out of his funeral by dsc (all adults).
Divorce needs to be much easier 1 party should not be refuse or abuse the system

RealBecca · 16/07/2021 11:36

Surely some people drag out divorces in the hope the spouse will inherit first. In the case @GlutenFreeGingerCake linked, that ruling could hypothetically meant that an inheritance took place and came into the equation.

Imagine how awful it would be to know that your partner is stringing it oit hoping your family die to get a cut. Eben worse if that was your only backstop for a new life.

RealBecca · 16/07/2021 11:40

@Viviennemary i would love to take romantic aspect out of the equation for a marriage contract.

Imagine the tax benefits if elderly relatives or friends could "marry" or sign an identical legal contract to access the same asset or death benefits!

Original poster
RickiTarr · 16/07/2021 11:40

This relates specifically to pension sharing, which can be dealt with as part of reform or (as is currently the case) absoute can be formally delayed for the completion of actuarial reports and the sealing of a final pension sharing order.

Ah! Thanks @PicsInRed

OP posts:
FlyingBattie · 16/07/2021 12:05

@cinammonbuns

So? Someone should not be in a marriage they don’t want to be with. What exactly is the probably with divorcing someone without their consent?
This. I don't need my partners consent to not be a relationship with them any more. I can just break it off. A marriage shouldn't be any different. The two people have a mutual ongoing consent to be married. If one wants to break the relationship, the other should not be able to prevent it, despite how they personally feel. IMO, anyway.
PickAChew · 16/07/2021 12:12

Why should someone be forced to remain married without their consent?

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 12:12

I think the case linked above was quite complicated.

I think the woman filed saying the marriage was irrevocably broken down due to her own affair.

He had very good answer to all her points. And, as the cheated on party was willing to stay together. I have no doubt he was being an asshole and manipulating the system, which us why its needs to change.

But that case was just awful. You can be miserable in a marriage and without telling other person doing something awful. And that something awful, has to look awful from the outside.

It reality, if one person wants out, the marriage is over regardless of reasons and no one should be in a marriage they want out of. So even denying that divorce, on technical grounds, didn't mean they would have to work on the marriage.

I just can't see the point in making divorce so difficult.

FlyingBattie · 16/07/2021 12:23

I just can't see the point in making divorce so difficult

Me either.
I would welcome an "easy" option for people who are open to being reasonable and/or have no or very few assets to sort out.

pointythings · 16/07/2021 12:25

I think as long as the finances are treated as a separate process, these reforms will make life so much easier. I wish they had been in place when my late husband and I split - I had to do the 'unreasonable behaviour' thing, and although there was plenty of that to go round, it just made him feel hurt and behave unreasonably - and he was already a massive alcoholic who emotionally abused the DDs and me.

Brefugee · 16/07/2021 12:25

The woman whose husband won't grant her a divorce, who is now in her 60s and has had to wait 5 years because he is being an arse will be wishing that she could have done this when she first wanted to.

Why would you want to stay married to someone who wants to divorce you? Why do you think you should be able to tie someone to you when they don't want to? How much of a boon this is going to be in controlling marriages? On balance i think this is long long long overdue.

pinkcircustop · 16/07/2021 12:28

Just another blow to the nuclear family.

If you’re not prepared to take your marriage views seriously and be in it for life you shouldn’t get married.

Divorce should only be for exceptional situations like abuse, addiction or adultery.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 12:29

@MichelleScarn

Why would a person want to force someone to stay married to them?
Spite. Revenge. Maintaining control.
Swipe left for the next trending thread