To struggle this much working from home

[Arrrghh]

I hate it.
This past 18 months has been horrible. I get anxious, my boundaries slip, I lack self discipline and focus, I fall behind, I spiral down. Constantly feeling anxious, guilty and stressed. It’s awful.
Now I hear my office will not be reopening fully and the move to home working is permanent.

I don’t know what to do? I would give up my job except the issue isn’t the job, it’s working from my living room. I just can’t do it. I’m getting so low ☹️

Should I be talking to my boss? Should I be hiring out office space for myself? It’s so expensive!
How common even is it to struggle working from home so much? Most people where I work live it. It’s why they’ve closed the office. I just can’t do it though.

DH and I were very early adopters of the WFH concept. We absolutely love it, but both find working in offices extremely stressful.

Can you pinpoint what is lacking on your wfh situation? What would it take for you to be more comfortable?

I think there are some people who love it, others who don’t so you definitely won’t be the only one. If it’s the location that’s the problem then you could either try and designate a specific work area in your house? Eg get a collapsible desk and use that - or could you see if there’s a local coffee shop you can work from?

Thanks for replying.
I think it’s the gentle accountability and motivation of having others around me.
And I have bad imposter syndrome. If I get dressed for work and go into the office and work alongside other people I feel “in role” and motivated and like I belong there. It’s reassuring and I feel I am able to be the professional I want to be, along with everyone else. I feel “seen”.

At home, with my slippers, biscuit tin at my feet, nothing to make me feel the part, thoughts in my head... “I could take the phone off the hook and the world would keep turning... does my work even matter...” I get into a vicious cycle where anxiety, motivation and productivity suffer and I just feel so low.

I am self employed and wfh during the pandemic has been way harder than usual because everybody is there all the time. I could have written your first para and am actually looking for employment in an office!

I would think about telling your boss that it’s just not working for you and see what they can do to accommodate you before you start looking into expensive alternatives yourself. It is a small company? You might not be the only one to feel this way.

I know it’s not an option for everyone but what has worked for me is re-creating office conditions at home as much as I can possibly can.

I had a small room that is now my office with a proper desk, monitor and keyboard for my laptop, comfortable chair etc. When I am in there, I shut the door and everyone knows I am not to be interrupted.

At the start of the day I make sure I have coffee and a big jug of water so I don’t have an excuse to keep getting up, and I take a designated lunch break so my day is structured. I also instigated a daily morning catch up call with my team which indirectly forces everyone to be online by a certain time each morning and sets the tone for the day.

I’m also very strict about finishing on time each day, logging off and closing the office door behind me, so there’s a clear line between where work ends and home life begins.

I meant to say, I am heavily pregnant so quite happy to sit at my desk in leggings and a baggy tshirt but I still make myself shower and get out of my PJs each morning. Would getting dressed each morning in more formal clothes help recreate that office feeling as well?

FlyLady, in her methods, instructs you to first get properly dressed including lace up shoes. She is firm about this setting the right mindset for work (even if it’s just scrubbing your floor). www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/dressed-to-shoes/

Might a few of these little routines/structures that become inviolate help?

I felt similarly to you OP, still do sometimes. I think it's the lack of structure for me. Do you have enough of a break between living room leisure area and work space? Is it clearly defined?

This is one to put back in their hands. Tell work you’ve struggled working from home and actively dislike it and ask if they have any options available to remedy the issue

I feel like this too. I love working from home 3-4 days a week but I need a day or two in the office. Pre-pandemic I often used to go in if I could tell I wasn’t in a very motivated mood and would get more done in work where there are less distractions. Unfortunately it has become evident in my new job that other than very occasional meetings there is no opportunity to work in the office. I’m looking for another job.

You aren't the only one. I got a new job when my previous employer said it was permanent WFH. I'm now 3 days office / 2 home and it's fabulous.

What really pisses me off is those who refuse to recognise that we don't all have a "nice little office space" at home. Nice for you to have the luxury. But it is a luxury. WFH is going to become the new divide, where those who cannot afford to have the space to WFH get left behind. And those with shit broadband.

Should I be talking to my boss?

Absolutely yes! WFH doesn't suit everyone; they may be able to offer help/support/other options.

Is your boss usually supportive? They may be totally unaware that you have been feeling like this. And I totally understand the imposter syndrome you describe; I had it too in my last role. Basically had a breakdown, counselling and am now employed in a much lower stress (and lower paid) job but generally happier in myself.

@Arrrghh

Thanks for replying. I think it’s the gentle accountability and motivation of having others around me. And I have bad imposter syndrome. If I get dressed for work and go into the office and work alongside other people I feel “in role” and motivated and like I belong there. It’s reassuring and I feel I am able to be the professional I want to be, along with everyone else. I feel “seen”.

At home, with my slippers, biscuit tin at my feet, nothing to make me feel the part, thoughts in my head... “I could take the phone off the hook and the world would keep turning... does my work even matter...” I get into a vicious cycle where anxiety, motivation and productivity suffer and I just feel so low.

I’m exactly the same - really need the office! I work incredibly hard when there is that motivation of others around me and the ease of just solving small queries on the spot. WFH and having to wait a few days for an email response on a question to move to the next stage, really derails my pace and I get distracted - small things take ages and then big projects that require input across teams seem insurmountable and I procrastinate getting started a bit which just stresses me out as it’s self inflicted.

My work is very much driven by me, so being self driven in work tasks AND having to self drive actually doing any work at all - rather than being in the office and not needing to self motivate to work because it just happens naturally, is so hard.

We can go in to the office some days and I am always amazed at how professional I feel In zoom meetings just from sitting in the office - I feel like a teenager if I’m at home. So I definitely understand how you feel!

I would be looking for a new role that is hybrid office/WFH if I were you. Luckily mine is going back hybrid model from September or I would need to do this eventually too.

@NothingIsWrong totally agree with you. WFH is easy if you have an office space that you can close the door on at the end of the day but for many they are working in the lounge, the kitchen, even their own bedroom. The pandemic “fall out” is a completely different animal dependent on your circumstances and often those making the decisions to WFH will be the big bosses with big salaries and home offices.

YANBU

I predict a backlash.

The previous set up of commute-work9 to 5-commute wasn't great but the "new normal" isn't better for most people. We're social beings (to varying degrees) and need structure and routine and other people. Even if it's just so they can piss us off and make us appreciate home.

At the start of the day I make sure I have coffee and a big jug of water so I don’t have an excuse to keep getting up

Not good. If you have a desk bound job, you need to get up regularly.

Would your work give you an allowance for renting a shared workspace? A couple of friends are being offered this by their workplaces that have gone permanently remote.

I want to love working from home - I hate the commute, the office politics and have some really awful and condescending bosses I'm delighted to not have to physically deal with. However, I live in a forth storey one bedroom flat with my partner and the lack of space and non-existant boundaries between work and home is breaking me now. I spend 20+ hours a day, every day, in our tiny bedroom, overlooking a very busy, noisy main road. Some days I just can't bear being in this room any more, I cry about it a lot. I find it really difficult to sleep too because I just associate the bedroom with work. Also like you OP, I've realised how utterly pointless my job is really and that nobody cares about what I do. Everyone at work is more openly out for themselves now. I'm not motivated at all. I do the bare minimum to keep my job and pay the bills.

I totally agree. I had a gruelling schedule of long commute, travel, log hours and a lot of responsibility. Having time in my day has been good but I really miss the structure, the vibe, the social interaction and the focus of being in the office.

My company has had a small number of desks open since April fir people who cannot work from home and I have been going in once or twice a week.

I would raise this to your employer, they should know that there are people who for different reasons can't work from home and make provisions.

Definitely talk to your boss.

My employers have just said that we’re all back in on 2nd August with some sort of flexible WFH policy to follow. I can’t wait to get back properly.

Just found this post. I am so tired of working from home all the time, It is really getting me down and my motivation has gone downhill. I don't have the option to go to an office anymore.

I like to get out of the house a few days a week, see other people, I feel I can't never disconnect from the house stuff and the children. We don't have an office anymore. I do go out and see friends sometimes, go to the gym, work in a coffee shop but it is not the same.

I think I need to get another job but need to get my motivation up to do job hunting as it takes effort, energy , perseverance to find the right position. .

Omg me too I AM BLOODY SICK OF IT
And now they're making stealth redundancies too

Think of young people too— nearly always in house shares, often without lounges , working in their bedrooms— my son loathed it— he’s switched jobs and now has 3 days in the office, 1 on client site and 1 at home.

Sometimes I can go weeks with no adult conversation
My job was boring enough to start with before doing it in solitary

I'm the same. Honestly OP i love my job, but if we hadn't gone back to the office and there was no hope of it, I'd have to look for another job. I can't do it either.

Is the local library an option for some days? Mine has a large room with plenty of people on laptops for hours on end and good WiFi. If you need to take/make calls it would be a problem though I think.

I know it's public sector but I think libraries could play a valuable role in the modern world in this way if they could designate space for this in addition to their traditional role.