My daughter was born a couple of years ago. Since then my husband and I have struggled to get any time alone together. My daughter sleeps very badly - we were going to start to transition her into her own bed but then she had a very long seizure at night following an illness and now we're terrified of leaving her alone and also don't send her to nursery because of fear of illness. Basically, my husband and I are juggling full-time jobs, full-time childcare - and between trying to make up working hours and keeping some semblance of order at home, we have no time for ourselves or eachother.
Since my daughter has been born we've both clearly been very stressed out :( the environment in our house is toxic with stress sometimes. We are snapping at eachother all the time.
My husband usually tidies up downstairs while I get my daughter to bed and once she is in bed I will sit with her upstairs and work (fear of seizures) while my husband tidies downstairs and then works. He tends to come up at midnight and then I'll brush my teeth and we go to bed. My husband sleep in a separate room so that he can wake up super early without disturbing us.
The above is to create context.
I get upset that we never spend any time together - even if it is sitting together upstairs watching something on the iPad while my daughter slept. My husband will occasionally make time to chat with his friends in the evening. But when it comes to us, he's either working or he's tired. I find myself getting upset that he makes time to speak to his friends (admittedly on v rare occasions) but not for me.
Recently we stayed with my husband's family (having not seen them for 18 months) for 3 nights. Each night he spent time with his family after my daughter went to bed and I would stay with her. On the final night I was hoping that maybe my husband and I could spend a little bit of time together while my daughter was sleeping - we were staying in a holiday home, it was one of the only holidays we have taken together - but he came to bed at around 1am. I hadn't told him that I had wanted to do this - when he came to bed I told him I was upset that we hadn't spent any time together. He got really angry, called me a bitch and told me that I had ruined the whole time away. It made me so sad.
I raised it with him tonight and he said that he stands by the fact that I ruined the whole time away. That it was the first time he had seen his family in a long time. He said he doesn't speak to his friends anymore either because I always react in the same way.
Am I being unreasonable?? When I try to speak to my friends, it's always during the day with my 2yo daughter in tow while my husband works... So not relaxing, but also not eating into time we could be together.
I don't know - I just feel like we're not investing in our marriage and it's slowly crumbling away.