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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work colleague walk advice

19 replies

Sjenson21 · 15/07/2021 21:14

I sometimes (every few weeks) meet a male colleague who lives quite near me for a walk at lunchtime during the week. We wfh so it’s nice to get out for adult company as both alone at home all day. He has gf, I am single. We have a matey relationship, laughs, jibes etc. I feel he is getting quite flirtatious over texts but I don’t respond to anything “flirty”. Went walk a few days ago and was out with him for a couple of hours as weather was great and no rush to go back to work. We were lying in the park and he was touching my leg (not inappropriately but in a jokey way when he was making light fun of me) then he touched my boob! Just brushed it, not a grab or anything, I was a bit taken aback and he said you’ve got grass on your top! I just laughed it off and said don’t you touch that haha and we carried on. Then later we stood up to walk back home and he rubbed my back down (supposedly covered in grass). I don’t know what to make of it… I didn’t feel uncomfortable as such but I also thought hmm is he crossing a line. Should I stop meeting him?

OP posts:

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 21:17

Only you can say if he’s crossing a line because they are your boundaries. So you decide, doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Bassetlover · 15/07/2021 21:18

Yeah, he is pushing the boundaries to see how far he can go.

pilates · 15/07/2021 21:20

Are you sure you’re not enjoying the attention? He sounds like he’s coming on to you.

Original poster

Sjenson21 · 15/07/2021 21:34

I just found it weird that he touched my boob. It didn’t seem “sleazy” or like he was ogling me but I did think it was strange, especially as he has a gf! I certainly wouldn’t be impressed if my bf did that. He also took off his shirt to sunbathe in front of me! Again I wasn’t offended as such and he has a goodish body (we both like exercise and talk about fitness a lot) so maybe he was trying to show off I don’t know!!! So confused. Don’t want to end the friendship as I like him (as a friend) and can trust him

OP posts:

Mountaingoatling · 15/07/2021 21:35

It's unlikely to play out well at work. Would you find it easy to get another job?

notanothertakeaway · 15/07/2021 21:38

You are playing with fire and so is he. Run for the hills

daisychain01 · 15/07/2021 21:45

Should I stop meeting him?

Yes, because he can't keep his hands to himself, and he has a girlfriend so you know he is already committed so don't give him the opportunity to stray. You don't need to judge him but you can choose to distance yourself.

Don’t want to end the friendship as I like him (as a friend) and can trust him

He isn't trustworthy otherwise he wouldn't have cross the physical boundary, when you know he has a gf. Why not meet him for lunch at work (if you're back in the office now) so you are in a public place and can be seen. That will stop him being tempted to behave inappropriately.

Original poster

Sjenson21 · 15/07/2021 22:16

Good advice thank you. I promise I haven’t said or done anything to lead him on and I don’t respond to any innuendo

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 15/07/2021 22:18

It isn't going to end well. Time to put some distance in place.

Dixiechickonhols · 15/07/2021 22:28

He’s coming on to you. Would you like it if you were his gf or if your boyfriend behaved that way with a colleague. You don’t send flirt texts, lie on park or touch colleagues. I’d stop the texting and walks.

Original poster

Sjenson21 · 15/07/2021 22:32

I guess I just don’t understand why he would come on to me when he has a gf. I know people have affairs all the time I’m not being naive but I just can’t comprehend why he would. I will stop the walks and texting

OP posts:

Original poster

Sjenson21 · 15/07/2021 22:33

I think I just thought he was a touchy feely type but this is maybe too far

OP posts:

YawningAngel · 15/07/2021 22:41

I have experienced this sooooooo many times. Men just do it because they can. There's a kind of man who will always see how far they can push the boundaries. Initially it will probably just be idle curiosity, but the whole way women are socialised to be nice and not make a fuss makes these men feel like they're getting a positive response because you weren't actively hostile.

There's every chance that he will follow this up with a series of other tiny transgressions; you'll feel like reacting negatively to any particular one would be an over reaction, and he'll push some more.

If you don't have to bother with him at work, stop now, before you're so deep into creepy territory that you can't see an easy way out.

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:50

@Sjenson21

I’m so confused by your comment. You do know people do and can cheat?

From working in my office I’ve known 50% of the men I work with to hade cheated. It’s very common.

Maria53 · 15/07/2021 22:53

Ugh OP touching your boob is very disrespectful, I see it as a form of assault tbh. Not acceptable.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/07/2021 22:55

Just stop it now. He's disrespecting both you and his girlfriend. He's pushing it to see what he can get away with. Wake up.

daisychain01 · 17/07/2021 05:10

I guess I just don’t understand why he would come on to me when he has a gf. I know people have affairs all the time I’m not being naive but I just can’t comprehend why he would.

Are you serious? Your posts seem incredibly naive - just because someone (male or female) has a steady partner, that they can't possibly have a roving eye and wandering hand trouble just for the thrill of it, if they are that way inclined.

Just take yourself out of the situation (as you've said you will) that allows shit like that to happen. Give a clear message they've violated your boundaries and pushed things too far.

DrManhattan · 17/07/2021 07:12

You seem really innocent. Dont meet him for a couple of weeks

CCSA · 17/07/2021 08:41

Depends whether you want to have seggs with him or not really doesn’t it

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