Social anxiety making me crazy

[Changednameforthis12]

I have social anxiety which comes and goes depending on how stressed I am. I’m making myself crazy by thinking of something that happened yesterday please help me I have no one to talk to in RL.

So I’ve started a new job few months ago and it was a special occasion so everyone went for after work drinks. I wasn’t sure whether to go as I tend to not attend anything like this but I made myself go. My last job I went to 2 events over 12 years. They were both bad experiences and I felt really down after

It was nice everyone was so friendly but I’ve been overanalysing everything I said and I’m making myself really upset by thinking about if I said anything bad. I’ve tried replaying things and I don’t think I said anything bad but I think on 2 occasions I might have been overanimated and maybe did weird face or something. I’m kind of embarrassed thinking of it now. I left in a good mood said bye to everyone, one or two people hugged me and I felt kinda awkward.

I wish I wasn’t like this. I e spend all night waking up in cold sweats. I wish I wasn’t do crazy. If I was a little normal I could enjoy my life more

Anyone?

Perhaps when you go to these events don't drink. The same used to happen to me when alcohol was involved I didn't have a clear picture in the chain of events and it would give me horrible anxiety the next day worrying what I may or may not have said.

If you're not drinking at the events or drinking very little then maybe treatment for your anxiety you need to address?

Everyone does sonething weird or embarrassing at some point. Stop dwelling on you and think about nice qualities of the people you met.

Thank you both. I had only one drink. I think it helped me relax.

I over think my behaviour after a social event. It’s a real curse. I went for lunch with some colleagues yesterday and when I got back was cringing at times when I’d repeated myself etc.
I know that really people don’t give these things a second thought we’re all too busy thinking about ourselves. And we are truly our own worst critics. Maybe practice being kind to yourself and think how you would view a friend in a similar situation

I think I’m just generally a very awkward person. I’ve had very unloving people in my life such as mother and DH so I think I feel that I’m not good enough to be around!

@Lurcherloves thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one. It’s definitely a curse. I do it after every social event too. I sometimes think maybe I should just stop going to events like I did before. I probably spent the past several years just isolated

You have SA; you shouldn’t be drinking at all. It doesn’t help you relax, it clouds your judgement.

Are you getting any help for your SA?

@pinkcircustop I’ve had councelling for other issues but never been focused on just this issue. What help us out there?

I over analyse everything I say and everything everyone else says too. I'm always trying to find the real thing people say and mean and work out how what I say comes across.

Sorry no advice, but wanted to say I'm the same as you and its so tiring.

You shouldn’t not go to events maybe try some that make you less anxious. I know the options may be a bit limited at the moment but something like a group trip to a show where there is a common thing to discuss after?
I also have a difficult mother who could be cold and very critical.
I expect you are kind to others who might say or do something awkward? I have a colleague at work who does this and I find it quite endearing and like him more for it

[quote Changednameforthis12]@pinkcircustop I’ve had councelling for other issues but never been focused on just this issue. What help us out there?[/quote]
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

I had SA for ten years; didn’t leave the house alone for eight years. In the space of six months I went from housebound to being able to work voluntarily, and several years later I’m in management and you’d never know I ever had SA as I fully recovered.

You don’t have to live with it - you can get help for it. It’s a hard road with lots of difficult and uncomfortable situations but you have to push yourself and want to get better or else it won’t work.

This may sound patronising but it really isn't meant that way. When I was younger I was very similar and would over analyse before, during and after situations - very often about my appearance and other people's judgement of it. What I've realised is that everyone is so absorbed in themselves and what they are doing or appearing to others that they actually don't notice the things that you think are 'weird'
I'm now in my mid 30's and I don't really give much of a shit what anyone thinks.
So I wouldn't worry, they'll all likely be thinking what an arse they made of themselves after several drinks and you were sober

Thank you everyone. I just wish there was a quick fix to all this. It is torture

You could try Googling Brad Yates tapping on YouTube? He has loads of free tapping videos, about 8 or so mins each on average. Start with introduction one and then he had a specific social awkwardness one. I’ve had loads of counselling over the years but his videos have made more difference than any of it

@Changednameforthis12

Thank you everyone. I just wish there was a quick fix to all this. It is torture

There is no quick fix.

If you want to get better, you’re going to have to push yourself and put in the work. Nobody’s going to do it for you and it’s going to be hard, arduous and uncomfortable.

But it’s worth it.