To wonder when you knew you wanted a divorce?

[Lennon80]

My father just died - once again I’m dealing with an emotional cripple! My mother died and I was broken - his ability to empathise was minimal. I’m I am just drained with how awful he is in terms of emotional support …

presumably you knew how he was when you married him. sorry about your loss, though.

Wow thanks … no because believe it or not you don’t know how people will be when your parents die … it’s not something you can anticipate

OP I knew when everything we tried just didn't work, we were always unhappy and snapping at each other, I was happier when he wasn't around. The divorce was heartbreaking but I felt liberated once it happened

I'm so sorry for your loss may your father rest in peace xx

What a dick thing to say @suspiria777

suspiria what a shitty and frankly stupid thing to say.

OP so sorry you've lost both parents. It really doesn't matter when other people knew their marriage was over, you can leave your marriage if you want to for whatever reason. No-one does it lightly. If it's the end of the road for you, then know that you will get through it and you will be ok on the other side.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Deep (or maybe not so deep) down you probably already know the answer.

I'd been thinking about it for ages and in my heart I knew divorce was the correct path for me but it took several more years to find the courage to go through with it.
I can be a coward when it comes to ending relationships as I worry about being alone. When I did finally decide it was a light bulb moment and now (as I'm going through the divorce) I'm wondering why I didn't do it years ago... No point in regretting the past though. It happened when it needed to happen.

@suspiria777

presumably you knew how he was when you married him. sorry about your loss, though.

Fucking hell, that’s harsh even for AIBU.

So sorry for your loss. Also that you're not being supported by your husband.

I wouldn't make any big decisions while you're grieving though

I’m so sorry for your loss OP

You’re in the throes of grief and now isn’t the time to make big decisions. Focus on the day to day and lean on anyone else you can.

We all have different experiences with divorce but you’ll find it more helpful to focus on yourself and what you need right now.

That's so tough. Your dh should be your rock! Not everyone is great at dealing with other people's grief but I would hope they could at least try/ compensate by making your life easier in other areas. Have you had tough times before.? X

Yes I’ve heard it’s
A mistake
To make life changes after a death… just realise how short this life is I suppose …how much time
people spend unhappy. But life has thrown so much awful shit my way it’s hard to know if it’s just circumstance or the marriage

I also knew when my mother died that I didn’t want to remain married to my ExH any more. I left him a few month later when I was strong enough. Unfortunately not before my very small inheritance was spent on new debts he’d ran up.

*But life has thrown so much awful shit my way it’s hard to know if it’s just circumstance or the marriage

Perhaps, in fact, the circumstances have shown the cracks in the marriage?

OP

I agree do nothing for a while. Just so your not piling on the stress. Then make your decisions. You don't have to justify your reasons to anyone but yourself by the way.

@suspiria777

presumably you knew how he was when you married him. sorry about your loss, though.

😳 awful comment.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I left my XH a year after my father died. I only left it that long for my mother's sake.

When we slept in separate bedrooms for months and I dreaded him coming home from work.

With now dh I can't wait for him coming from work etc.

Sorry for your loss op.

@suspiria777

presumably you knew how he was when you married him. sorry about your loss, though.

Think that through. Really think.

Just a different aspect. When my dad died I felt angry and a bit resentful towards DH for a while. It was a bit unexpected and a lot to deal with and DH tried to help but grief and kids made it difficult. A few months later I no longer felt like this and our relationship was as good as ever.
Unless you were already thinking of divorce before your father died it would probably be best to wait a while.