Hi there,
Would love some advice. DD9 has been at same small primary for past 5 years. At first seemed to have good friends there. In last couple of years I’ve become aware that there is a core group of mum friends & daughters who are more friendly together (as have known each other for years). I’m not in the core group though am on ok terms with them all. DD is friendly with the core group of children - the class is so small there aren’t many other options - but they spend time together at weekends and holidays where she is not included. That would be ok but in addition to that there is a certain atmosphere amongst these girls where they can be quite mean to each other. There is a queen bee and a couple of sidekicks and the culture can be unpleasant. Often tears between them all at break time etc. At play dates I hear them saying to each other, “Guess what so and so said about you yesterday” which often leads to upset. DD has been let down at times by some of them - not included in play dates etc - but I’d have to say, no more than any other child and she is not being actually bullied. It’s just the way they all roll.
There are a couple of girls she has always really liked but I find these mums in particular very difficult. Eg if I contact them to ask about a play date they take several days to reply. Each and every time!!! As if waiting to see if a better offer comes up. Sometimes it’s a yes and sometimes a no but it’s the waiting around that I find hard to take. I do not get any of this behaviour with my older DD in the same school.
DD claims to be happy at school, and often she is. She is bright and confident. But lately can sometimes be a bit tense when she comes home and I sense the bitchiness can be wearing. Eg they play a game called Roasting where they all have to say what they dislike about each other. The teacher eventually banned it.
There are other girls in the class outside of this group that DD could play with but they are very very quiet and although she likes them she doesn’t have much in common with them.
Every year girls leave this class for other schools so the class has gradually shrunk (no one has left my older DDs class). This year I’ve decided maybe it’s time DD had a fresh start and we’ve had an offer from another school. DD is upset at the thought of leaving because she will miss her couple of good friends. But the mums are infuriating and DD has only once in 5 while years, been invited to one of the girls houses. I wonder if DD doesn’t realise that not every group of girls is like this and will settle quickly elsewhere. Or am I ruining what is a good friendship (because I know the mum will not stay in touch)? I tried to assure DD she could stay in touch with this girl - however I texted the mum yesterday to ask about them meeting over the summer and there is no reply even though I can see the text has been read.
AIBU for letting my dislike of a group of mums overrule DD’s desire to stay with her “friends”? Should we stay and ride it out until the girls are older and the mums fade out? My older DD is very happy at the school and doesn’t want to leave so I would be separating the two sisters. I really don’t know what to do and the new school is pressurising me for a decision. Sorry for long question. Any advice would be appreciated.