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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Funeral charges?

74 replies

Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 15:15

Currently arranging DH's funeral.

We haven't gone for the cheapest of everything, but not far from it. DH said he should be buried in a cardboard box!

So hearse plus one car from the house, cheapest coffin, celebrant, order of service and one floral thing are the only extras and the cost is a couple of quid less than £5k.

Now, this isn't going to cause me any hardship, I've just agreed to things without shopping around for an easy life, but I imagine there must be very many families for whom this is just out of the question.

Their budget package, which you couldn't change in any way was £3k

The FD has been very attentive and things like flowers, cars and printing don't seem extortionate. The general undertaking fee and the crematorium charge do though.

I suppose families have to borrow to give dad a good (any) send off, but how heart breaking.

FWIW I did investigate the possibility of a cardboard coffin and it was £650!

OP posts:
Hotcuppatea · 14/07/2021 15:18

I agree. We were shocked when my Dad died. Luckily he had a few of those funeral plans and we could cover it, but it was so expensive. Cheapest coffin. One floral arrangement, no embalming because he was being cremated 4 days after he died, one hearse (no other funeral cars). It came for £4k. I honestly don't know how people cope. And then we obviously paid for a funeral tea on top of that for about 60 people.

OhRene · 14/07/2021 15:21

It's scandalous. It's £900 for the burial plot just to be dug in my county whereas just over the border it's £350. My friend passed away in her early 50's and as she wasn't married to her partner of over 20 years, he wasn't entitled to any funeral help costs for spouses. The most basic, no frills funeral service has cost the unemployed family thousands and they will be paying it back for years to come.

I am very sorry for your loss.

caringcarer · 14/07/2021 15:30

My FiL has just died and having funeral tomorrow. It is costing £3685. FD cost, storage of body until autopsy and after until funeral (almost 3 weeks) + basic coffin as being cremated, no embalming, hearse, 1 extra funeral car from house, crematorium, order of service and celebrant. Flowers £120 separate, catering £145 + alcohol. Not much change from £4k.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/07/2021 15:56

My mum always said spend as little as possible.
I did.
Cremation, hearse, celebrant etc, all well under 3K in 2013. We went to Waitrose the day before and made a lovely bouquet ourselves tied with our old school ties. She would have been proud as punch. We (about 12 of us) then went to the local Indian and drank too much and had a lovely curry.

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 14/07/2021 16:07

The are new laws (orders?) coming in to force funeral providers to provide clearer pricing for customers. GOV.UK info here. They were talking about it on Moneybox (I think) recently
It’s about time. It’s really shifty and calculated that so many funeral providers weren’t doing this already.
Me and my family are all going to do ‘direct to cremation’ funerals. Basically the body gets taken away and cremated with the least fuss and lowers cost possible. It still can cast over £1000 but that’s a lot cheaper than a traditional funeral.
Not everyone who has dies can have a direct to cremation funeral.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/07/2021 16:09

I've already said that when my Dad passes away we're not having any additional funeral cars - we've all got a car each in the family and it's a feckin' waste of money. And the money we spent when Mum died on having a buffet of which - at best - only 1/5th was consumed isn't happening, either. Cup of tea and biscuits for anyone who wants to come back to the house (as my Dad has few friends left and has basically cut himself off from any who are left, I doubt we'll be be over-run).

I went to one last year before lockdown started where the crem had a room where they could serve tea and biscuits for you and that's what our neighbour, the widow, went for. Minimised her costs and people didn't feel obliged to 'go on' somewhere and then stay and everyone who had attended the funeral felt they'd given their condolences in person.

jimmyhill · 14/07/2021 16:09

The FD has been very attentive and things like flowers, cars and printing don't seem extortionate. The general undertaking fee and the crematorium charge do though

The parts that seem extortionate to you are the most sensitive and specialised aspects of the process which require the most expensive and highly regulated equipment and processes.

Any Tom Dick or Harry can do cars and flowers... The rest of the process needs the right people and the right training.

Cutex507 · 14/07/2021 16:11

Yup. I'm not saving for retirement, I'm saving for my funeral.

In someway, it is for the living not the deceased and I very much doubt anyone would know any different about how they were sent off.

1moreglassplease · 14/07/2021 16:18

Sorry for your loss OP.

My dad died last September and the total cost of his cremation, which we kept as simple as possible, just one car, a pretty cheap coffin, some embalming, celebrant and one our floral arrangements was just shy of £7.5k. We didn''t do an order of service as there weren't many people coming. No get-together afterwards due to Covid regulations.

I was absolutely staggered and when my time comes I don't want anything, just a direct to cremation funeral. As I have no kids I've decided to add my wishes to my will.

ClawedButler · 14/07/2021 16:19

Yes, there are loads of "hidden" fees for a funeral, many of which are beyond the funeral directors' control. Their own costs go to other providers (supplies, flowers etc.) and staff wages. It's a profession that is steady, obviously, but it's not one you get into for the ££££. I happen to have met a couple of people who work in funeral parlours, and they have both said something along the lines of it being a privilege to do this job, and an honour, and it gives them great satisfaction, but it's a living rather than a money machine.

Still doesn't make it any less difficult for most people to afford, of course.

bloodywhitecat · 14/07/2021 16:22

DH is paying for his soon, he wants a no frills funeral whereby he is whisked off to the crem and cremated without any ceremony. I find that idea very hard to bear and it really upsets me which I am sure others will find selfish but I want my chance to say goodbye and I think his DD will want to too. It's a proper minefield isn't it.

jimmyhill · 14/07/2021 16:47

I find that idea very hard to bear and it really upsets me which I am sure others will find selfish but I want my chance to say goodbye and I think his DD will want to too.

Funerals are for the living, not the dead

goose1964 · 14/07/2021 16:55

If you are on benefits and possibly ok paid there is a funeral grant. If there's money in the estate it needs to be paid back but if there's not you don't pay it back.

Properbobbins · 14/07/2021 17:01

Can’t comment on cost but Flowers for you OP, not an easy thing to organise.

Buccanarab · 14/07/2021 17:03

It's not something I've spent a great deal of time thinking about or looking into so apologies if this is a daft question, but who is actually responsible for burial/cremation of a deceased person?

As in if you couldn't afford a funeral/burial/cremation, or just didn't want to pay for one, what would happen?

ChicChaos · 14/07/2021 17:04

Sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

It is far more expensive than people realise.

MintyCedric · 14/07/2021 17:08

My dad passed away at the end of May.

Basic package was £2900 plus:

250 because he was collected from a care home
25 viewing charge
Approx 500 for the wake
50 for orders of service
Limo for mourners (not included in package) 300
Flowers 200
70 for a photo montage
45 for a web cast

It was all explained and costed but it still racks up. I was also a bit taken aback about how much there was to do tbh. Admittedly part of that (Orders of Service and Photo Montage) was down to my own control freakery...but the back and forth by email for 3 weeks from undertaker, florist, pub, celebrant etc was relentless.

PiccalilliChilli · 14/07/2021 17:09

When my uncle suddenly passed away about 5 years ago, my aunt had to borrow money from family to pay for the funeral.

I am going to pre-pay mine.

Original poster
Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 17:11

@jimmyhill

The FD has been very attentive and things like flowers, cars and printing don't seem extortionate. The general undertaking fee and the crematorium charge do though

The parts that seem extortionate to you are the most sensitive and specialised aspects of the process which require the most expensive and highly regulated equipment and processes.

Any Tom Dick or Harry can do cars and flowers... The rest of the process needs the right people and the right training.

I'm not saying it's not justified, just that it's a huge amount of money for many families to find.
OP posts:
Original poster
Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 17:14

The one that's really got me actually is £82 for the GP! The hospice nurses did all the paperwork, he just signed it off. He didn't even see the body.

OP posts:
FabulouslyFab · 14/07/2021 17:28

The cost for the celebrant blew my mind (tho I can’t remember the value now) when I did Dad’s funeral. He also wanted no fuss and a cardboard coffin, expecting it to be the cheapest, but they cost a fortune so it was just the cheapest in the book. We were given a total amount but then it crept up with little things.
I’ve already paid mine - out of the money Dad left me.
I’m sorry for your loss, @Cooldryplace 💐

Original poster
Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 17:35

The celebrant is £228 and provided he does a decent job, I didn't think that was too bad. He visited us to talk about DH, will write the eulogy (which I'm sure is a very standard template, but would have taken me days) he helped with choices for readings and prayers (again easy for him, I imagine) and dealt with the printers re the order of service, plus co ordinating things on the day. That seems decent value to me, at least compared to £82 for the GP to (electronically) sign off someone else's paperwork!

OP posts:
SemiFeralDalek · 14/07/2021 17:40

I'm very sorry for your loss OP, and to all those who have lost loved ones on this thread.

The parts that seem extortionate to you are the most sensitive and specialised aspects of the process which require the most expensive and highly regulated equipment and processes.

Any Tom Dick or Harry can do cars and flowers... The rest of the process needs the right people and the right training.

This is what is comes down to. It's incredibly expensive to run a FD, especially if done well. And that's without the crem /burial costs which aren't set by the FD. And CofE church costs are set by the Church of England, not by each individual vicar etc.

When my MIL died, we thought we were going to have to enter into a payment plan/take out a loan to pay for her funeral. In contrast, when my baby DS died, the FD wouldn't accept a penny from us for his funeral.

AnnaMagnani · 14/07/2021 17:47

The GP will have done the cremation paperwork themselves - have worked in many hospices and the nurses certainly don't touch it.

And while it may say GP, if your DH died in the hospice the overwhelming likelihood is that one of the hospice doctors completed the cremation paperwork and the funeral directors just write GP on everything.

Prior to Covid there were 2 doctors required so 2x£82 fees.

Original poster
Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 17:49

He died at home and the nurses did it. They gave me a copy before they left.

OP posts:
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