.. to move to a village?

[MarvEll]

We need to move as rental is coming to an end and have enough saved to buy. We currently live quite remotely outside a small town which has all the basics but isn't that nice. DH is very keen to move to a small town / village like how he grew up. Wants DC to walk to school, have local friends etc. This all sounds lovely and I am on board... Except I'm getting a bit nervous about neighbours, lack of space, limited village parking. We have a beautiful house we've put an offer on. Gorgeous house, private road, pretty central in the village - so also quite near the neighbours. Help convince me moving to a village is going to be all we're dreaming of!
YABU - Village life is the bomb, you're going to love it
YANBU - it's hell on earth, you're going to miss the rolling hills currently outside your door

Depends on the village. Some hamlets are called villages and some are nearly towns.

Work out the important bits.

Our children caught a school bus, as like many villages we don’t have schools. They do have friends locally as young adults living away now who are more like cousins because they’ve grown up together and parents are friends.

Our nearest neighbour is half a mile away. We know them all incredibly well and socialise locally. It’s fun. However it does limit privacy- people don’t generally knock before opening the kitchen door. Everyone knows everything, literally. It comes with responsibility for older folk - and villages often have a dominance of older folk.

Parking isn’t a problem here - more sheep than cars. Occasionally ramblers peak badly, but only sufficient to raise an eyebrow rather than ongoing nuisance.

We’ve no shops or pub. You drive for anything you can’t swop, grow or be gifted. No street lights, no mobile reception, no pavements.

It’s too wide a category to say what it will be like. We love ours but others would find it too isolated or worry about darkness. Other local village busier but come with parish councils who think they own the area.

Thanks @LemonRoses! I guess we're more in the small town - we've got a shop/post office, a couple of pubs so don't need to drive for everything. I like the idea of being able to swap grow gift! And definitely knowing and socializing with the neighbours.
We would be much nearer our neighbours than you tho as there's five or six houses on our road I think and more just over the way. I think if this one doesn't go through, maybe we'll look at a smaller less neighbour-y option too

I lived in a small posh village for a while. I liked that it was nice and quiet, and my home was beautiful and my garden was a haven but in the end, the downsides overrode the advantages.

It depends on the type of person you are and life stage. As a busy couple without children it was a welcome respite from city work life. I arrived home from a long commute and it was bliss. But as a young mum it was isolating.

Everyone seems to know everyone’s business. Sometimes there isn’t much to do if you’re sociable other than get an allotment, join the church or the local book group. Or drink in the pub with the regulars (if you have one). I got sick of taking the car out just to get cash or a newspaper. No takeaway deliveries. Also a majority of the other residents were right wing, Tory voting daily Mail readers, so it was difficult to find my tribe.

But depending on the village and what you need, it could be really good. Just some food for thought of things to be aware of that I didn’t fully appreciate before moving.

Depends on so much.

What village. How big. How close are amenities. What's it like for travel in and out in winter. How old are the kids (if they are young, what the plan for secondary school). How many young families are in the village.

I’ve moved to a large village, 2 pubs, double row of shops, couple of restaurants, cafe, school. Good transport. I love it, dark skies and quiet compared with medium size town we left. Not sure I could live in a hamlet though.

We live rurally and personally no I wouldn’t move to a village. I like peace and distance from neighbours. I work in Central London, when I come home (far, far from London), I only want to see trees and sheep. Also having land and space is important and we couldn’t get that in a village. I think it’s a really personal choice though. For some, village life is too quiet!

Thanks - where we are now is really rural and isolated, absolutely nothing around at all so the village with pubs, shop, school, playgrounds, community centre is actually much more than what we have here. I guess I'm worried about noisy neighbours, whereas now we have silence and altho the garden is beautiful, it's not as spacious as where we are now and if we want to have people over here (covid permitting!), there's space for cars and we don't have to worry about disturbing anyone else.

@Elys3 where did you move to after?

@Onandoff ours sounds similar but a bit smaller. There's a cluster of other villages nearby too

@Unsoliciteddeckpic currently have a 6 mo

We moved to the edge of a small market town. I think if you are really honest with yourself about what your must haves are, you will hopefully make the right choices.

We still have a decent garden and fields with footpaths to walk across close by. We still hear owls and church bells at night. There are a few downsides - not as quiet and our house is not as lovely, but there are more facilities and I found it easy to make friends with a toddler in tow. I can also walk or cycle to shops etc.

We love living in our village. It has a school, two pubs and two small shops. It's surrounded by countryside but only 6 miles from a market town. The bus service is rubbish so you have to be able to drive and our kids all have to learn to drive early to have any independence. We have lots of friends with children who all grow up together so there is a network of parents to share taxi driving, and a supply of teenagers eager to babysit or do other odd jobs.

I have never experienced issues with privacy, nobody walks into our house uninvited and nobody knows my business unless I want them to.

We can be as involved in village life as we want, over the years we have helped out with baby & toddler group, preschool and school committees, DH is involved in a couple of village organisations, we're regulars in the pubs and I am on speaking terms with every dogwalker. We like the fact that most people will say hello as you pass in the street, and people will look out for DS when he's out and about. There have been issues with 'public shaming' of kids on the village FB page but there is less tolerance for that now. There is an excellent network of childminders that were invaluable when DS was little.

The most important thing I think village life is missing is diversity, the population is mostly white and I wish it was more mixed. Fortunately DS has now moved up to a school in a nearby small town which is much more diverse.

It does depend on the village I think but we moved to a village 8 years ago and I bloody love it!!

I love the sense of community and actually like the fact that everyone knows everyone. It makes me feel safe.

I've just walked DS to school ( which I can see from our house) and chatted to at least 3 people on the way there and back.

It helps that we live in a very lively village with a wide range of ages. In normal times there are loads of events and social occasions. We have pubs, restaurants a cafe and a co-op so there is always something to do.

The only niggle is parking but it was a compromise we were willing to make for the location.

I always wanted to live remotely like you are now but having lived in a village, I wouldn't swap it.
Helps my neighbours are lovely though!
We are right on the coast path so plenty of walking from the front door but enough here that not stuck without the car and don't have to drive everywhere.
How old are your kids? Sadly some things you just can't know until you try them but cutting out on ferrying them about everywhere sounds a decent trade off to me

I can't vote as I'm a city girl so a village would be hell for me yet in your circumstances I'd definitely go village over your remote alternative. Your DH's perspective seems very sensible. Mumsnet is full of threads from rural parents bemoaning issues with school catchments and transport, how their DC would have to walk miles along unlit country roads etc., and then issues around distance to friends, hospitals, work opportunities etc. In light of that and putting my own village feelings side, I'd go for it. Your new house sounds lovely, you might like your neighbours or at least benefit from having some, and if you have parking there and the rest is walkable then why would village parking be an issue?

We moved to a village 4 years ago. I had my reservations, because I grew up in a city and we were living in a market town. It was a really good decision. I am a single mum now but I’ve met friends for life here through baby and toddler groups that were running pre covid. I help to run one of the toddler groups in normal times. It’s generally quiet and safe, my children (age 3 and 6) scoot to school most days. I love being able to walk to school, whenever we go to a playground we often see people we know/DS1’s friends, I like that my children will have local friends.

The village does have a co op and another small shop for amenities and post office, I wouldn’t have moved here without that. It has a pub too but I rarely visit tbh. There is another village close by with a large supermarket and a few other shops.

We have a very decent garden for the kids and a driveway, but I wouldn’t want too much, more to maintain!

The city is only 6 miles away. You do have to be able to drive to get to other places though, which I’m assuming you already do based on where you live. The bus service is dire.

I live in a very small village and love it. There is a real sense of community; people look out for each other; I can look out on beautiful hills.

We have a primary school (where I am governor), an ancient church, a community hall (where the post office visits for 2 hours on a Tuesday), a pub - that's it.

I love it and am very happy indeed that my children were brought up with the sense of security that being part of a small community brings. They loved it too.

But we are all different - cities make my heart sink - especially when I see everyone walking past homeless beggars.

In a small community there is a real sense of being neighbours - of us all being in it together and part of a whole.

I moved out to a village a number of years ago, and I am very happy here. That being said I think there are a couple of points to take into account. Firstly, villages like towns have different personalities, and some can be quite unfriendly, so do your normal house moving due diligence on local media, walk round at different times of day and one I always find useful, a couple of visits to the pub if there is one.

Typically in village life everyone will know everything about you. This can be very supportive at times of need. When I was looking after my late FIL, I got lots of help from people I did not know. Conversely, there will be times when it might feel intrusive.

The isolation is a positive and a negative. I like the quietness and open spaces, the nature and the other things that come with village life, but be really honest with yourself if this is for you. Some people really do not like it. I have access to some great meat and vegetables here, but the best restaurants, nightlife etc are a good distance away. I do a number of overnight stays in London, so this is fine for me but I would consider if this is doable.

Think about the sighting of the village you are moving to. What are transport links like? For us our village is ten miles from the nearest (Small) city, which is quite good but does mean as teens the taxi of mom and dad was very active indeed.

For a short while our teens hated living here... but now love it again, so this is also worth considering.

It depends on the village to some extent. Some villages will be like goldfish bowls; others will be like small towns.

My experience has been mixed but overall pretty good. One down side which I noticed pretty early was there are a few people who seem to be involved in every community thing, and also a few people who gossip which I suppose happens in many small communities.

On the whole - neighbours are friendly or neutral, there is a peaceful atmosphere at weekends, and DD attends a school with a community feel - the teachers recognise all the children and parents.

Has no-one mentioned connectivity, broadband, mobile phone reception? I'd be checking that before considering any village.

Also worth checking home food delivery, in case you are unable to travel .

I know I would find it very hard to live in a village. I'm used to having facilities nearby and I'd hate people meddling in my business. Everyone I've known who lives in a village has had what to me are horror stories about squabbles over fence colours/parking/lawn mowing etc. The relative anonymity of my town street suits me. However, it's right for some people and I guess that is the main thing, if it suits you.

Totally depends on the village, whether you’ll work and/or commute, whether you’re sociable and outgoing and whether or not you have very small children.

Nobody can advise as different people like very different things. I thought I wanted village life, but actually DH and I have settled on a small cathedral
city with great access to the countryside in walking distance. I think it’ll suit us very well; really rural wouldn’t have suited me as we’d like more DC (eventually...) and I like to be in walking distance of baby groups, etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just moved from rural to a village for the same reasons your husband states. We've sacrificed a big garden being here but we love it, the neighbours are nice but keep to themselves, the garden is sufficient to sit out, host a small BBQ etc, we have the park/pub/dr's and shop all within a 7 min walk, the school is a 10 min walk so it's great for us and our daughter getting out and socialising, i'm so happy we made the move, as is our daughter, she loves her friends can now come round easier, that she can walk to the park etc.

Think about your children! Does it have adequate public transport? How are you placed for secondary schools? Will there be friends and others from school in the same village that they can walk to?

I grew up in a small village and whilst I can appreciate it had values - striong community, friendly etc etc as a secondary school child I didnt like it - there were no buses and so I had to ask parents for lifts everywhere or cycle and there was no chance of going out to the shops or 'into town' as my school friends did - it all had to be coordinated with lifts etc. I felt trapped and envied the freedom that my town-living peers had - they could just walk to school, could walk out or catch a bus to meet up with others or go the cinema, bowling, nightclub etc in the nearyby bigger town. It was hard on my parents too as they had to be constantly driving me around. Town life allows much more freedom and independence!

Thanks for the input- you're right, there's quite a difference in what you get! The village is pretty well connected to the nearby small city, nearby nice town as well as other little villages. I think secondary they all get a bus to the college.
I think we can walk to baby groups, a couple of cafes and a half hour walk or so to the library, a really nice restaurant etc.
I am quite sociable and looking forward to having local friends hopefully, as I don't have any nearby here. So hard to tell if there's much of a community as altho we've been a few times, it's covid, so not giving a fair reflection probably!

@Twisky I totally get what you mean for the older teens etc as I grew up rurally and had to get lifts or very complicated busses which wasn't ideal. The village should be much better than that as there's a train station to London about a ten min drive, a bus to the nearest town & city so hoping that will be easy enough. Only have very small DC at the moment so things may well have changed in ten years!

@DrCoconut these squabbles are exactly what I'm worried about! Because we're on our own out here we don't have any drama like that currently

@ineedaholidayandwine sounds like it's really worked out for you! Yours sounds lovely!!

There can be flip sides to living in a village. I was brought up in one and would never live in one again due to

Dependency on driving everywhere. I really hate wasting my time in the car.
Cannot drink alcohol except at home due to needing to drive
Crap public transport
Lack of independence for kids as need to rely on lifts - this one is huge. I see friends providing taxi services and am extremely grateful that is not my life.
Small Mindedness
Everyone knowing your business
Often nowhere to walk as lack of pavements and lots of mud
Limited deliveroo options
Limited leisure and recreation options

Obviously if you don't drink or find a village with good public transport that would mitigate.

Regarding finding friends locally, it's much harder to find your tribe from a small pool of people. Especially if your interests or politics aren't mainstream.