Such a nervous driver

[lottie198]

Sorry I didn't really know where to post, just would like some advice. So I passed my test last August and didn't get a car until this March. Me and my partner share. Ever since I passed I am such a nervous driver, the thought of it knocks me sick. My partner does most the driving (he's 34 and been driving 10 years), i am 25. I do drive but will haven't even driven on my own yet. It was going ok and I was slowly building confidence.
I am pregnant now and feel like since I've been pregnant my driving has got so much worse. I feel like I can't even pull away smoothly and my emotions are all over the place. If I make one minor (not harmful) error , eg the wrong gear, I have a major melt down and start crying. I will do anything to avoid driving, I would rather walk, get the train, bus etc etc.
My partner is really good and understanding and tries to help me and takes me out to practice. He doesn't seem to see the big deal and says my driving is fine and that confidence comes with experience. I feel I am not helping myself because I try and avoid it. I just get so worked up and so stressed. I am scared I will put car into wrong gear and cause an accident. I just hate it. I really want to get better but feel I'm stuck in this bubble of fear 😧. Any advice ???
It's really getting me down. I spend hours thinking what a failure I am. I just want to drive like a normal person and not think it's even a big deal.

I’m sorry you’re struggling.
I’m a nervous driver and empathise. But well done on actually keeping going. I would advise trying to do as many small drives or ones that you feel less nervous about as possible to build your confidence, and extend it little by little. Eg, I drove around the village, then extended to local town, finally onto dual carriageway. One thing that helped me was my husband saying just focus on being a safe driver, so try not to panic if you make minor mistakes, other drivers will be able to adjust/slow down. You could get those P signs if it would make you feel Better?
To be really honest biggest difference for me was switching to automatic- learned and took test in manual and hated it, just couldn’t focus on everything plus gears. Automatic is so much less stressful, you can focus on the road more easily.

Ps- I only learned properly in my late twenties and only became at all comfortable driving in my early 30s so I think you’re doing very well! I know lots of people who haven’t learned yet in their 30s. Also if you want to/need to drive, that is a good reason to get the confidence and don’t let anxiety hold you back. It won’t be overnight but you can do it.

@Cyberworrier thank you so much for your reply and advice. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I just feel like I'll never just be able to get in my car and go anywhere. But I do want to get to that stage , especially because I am having a baby December and want to be able to take them anywhere in the future.
I will focus on smaller journeys (that's what I have been doing) and build to longer ones. I do drive really safely, it doesn't help that so many drivers are unsafe and seem to do stupid stuff all the time.
I have thought about automatic as I do struggle with the gears for some reason. I think I totally over think it!!! Problem is we've got this car on finance and it's for 4 years.

You're not alone, OP. Many people are nervous drivers. I know a few people who have been driving for years and never go beyond their town.
Is there a quiet area nearby like a suburb where you could just drive around for as long as you like, for practise?
I think like most things in life, to get good at something, first you have to really, really want to. Then you have to believe in yourself (easier said than done I know! But I think you can develop that sense of belief). Then you have to practise lots, and try not to be put off at being a "newbie" (if that's still a word!) Good luck!

Genuinely, it comes with practice. I have been driving around 28 years (terrifyingly!) and thinking back, I was a dreadful driver for the first 6 months or so. It’s practice which gets you to being more confident, reading the road/other cars, and just feeling that you are more in control.
It sounds like your partner is lovely, and patient, and will go out doing driving practice with you. Can you just do all/any driving you need to do together? Like supermarket, post office, to your mum’s, etc.
I promise you will get there - and suddenly it will feel more natural.
Best of luck.

@HollaHolla thank you for your reply 🙏everyone in my family drives and they say the same. I really think it is time and experience.

Yes luckily I have an understanding and very laid back partner. That's what I am trying to do, the little journeys. But my question is should I force myself to do longer journeys even if I'm nervous to? So tomorrow we are going somewhere for the day, it's about 45 min drive. Never driven there before. I'm unsure whether to push myself to do it or not put pressure on myself.

Get some more lessons? You don't have to stop them when you pass your test and there are instructors out there who take nervous clients for exactly this reason.

[quote lottie198]@HollaHolla thank you for your reply 🙏everyone in my family drives and they say the same. I really think it is time and experience.

Yes luckily I have an understanding and very laid back partner. That's what I am trying to do, the little journeys. But my question is should I force myself to do longer journeys even if I'm nervous to? So tomorrow we are going somewhere for the day, it's about 45 min drive. Never driven there before. I'm unsure whether to push myself to do it or not put pressure on myself.
[/quote]
Why don’t you get your partner to drive there, making sure you chat through the route on the way. Maybe ask any questions about things you’re worried about, any unfamiliar junctions, etc.
Then, you can drive back, because you’re prepared for it. Might work?
You do need to keep doing it though, if you want to continue driving, as otherwise, I can see that it will become a ‘thing’ that you won’t do, and then if/when you really need to, it’s a massive anxiety inducing event.
Good luck with your journey!

It does get better! I used to go mad when my dad had driven my car as he would leave it in gear with the handbrake off and it panicked me
If you pick the wrong gear the worst that will happen is it will over rev or you won't be able to pull away as fast. Even if you stall, it's ok, it happens
I'll happily drive hours on motorways but city centres I can't stand, things like one way streets/trams/bus lanes.. no thank you!

I was a late learner (mid-30s) and pretty nervous. I put P plates on so other drivers would know, and I did some 'Pass Plus' lessons after I passed my test (4th time )

II wonder if it would help to start making small trips on your own - would that be less scary than a longer trip with your partner? It was the thing that gave me confidence. I knew I'd have to drive myself as I wanted to drive to work. I started with short journeys and gritted my teeth and made myself do it. It was a while before I wasn't scared every time I got behind the wheel. I had the opposite type of partner to you though - he's normally great but is a terrible backseat driver. I almost never drive with him! I was driving in outer London when I started and that built my confidence quickly.

I'm actually more nervous now - I do less driving and the roads are quieter. But as I've done less I've lost confidence. I only do local trips as I have some mobility issues and can't sit for long. I did switch to an automatic 10 years ago as my clutch foot is in a bad way and it helped me physically, but also made driving easier because there is less to think about. So it could be worth a try.

Your post resonated with me because I just got a new (to me) electric car and am terrified of it... mostly that I'll touch the accelerator and shoot off at 70mph

I meant to add that I was like you when I was learning - I'd make a mistake and start crying! I don't know why it affected me like that but you're not alone! I think it was a good idea from the person who said get your partner to drive there and you drive back. Or get him to give you directions/read the map/road signs so you don't have to concentrate on everything at once? Of course ultimately you need to be able to find your way to places as well, but just make it easier for yourself now, especially as your partner is laid back!

Oh bless you. Well done for passing your test . I am over 50 and am now more confident than my 40s . Definitely just drive where you feel confident and then progress 💐

I've been driving for 36 years

I remember being nervous for the first few weeks after passing my test, but the more I drove the more confident I got.

Keep at it, you'll get there.

Ah I feel your pain. I passed my test about 15 years ago but for various reasons I didn't drive then until 2 years ago. I took a load of refresher lessons but my confidence just never came back. My instructor said I was ready and I bought a car - and then stalled it over and over and felt sick every time I went out in it. I would do anything not to drive - find any excuse to get a bus or train instead. But gradually I forced myself to do longer and longer journeys. The anxiety was awful though and I'm not a naturally anxious person.

A couple of weeks ago I drove over 200 miles on the motorway and I finally felt like I wasn't some fraud that shouldn't have a licence 😂 I still can't say I'm 100% confident - I panic in tight parking situations and am terrible at reversing, but honestly if I look back at where I was 2 years ago I know I've come a long way. And I'm a very careful driver so I feel safe and that's so important. So basically this is a really drawn out way of saying you really will get there. It takes time, but well done for keeping going.

I'm a nervous driver! I've had my licence 9 years next month but I've had gaps of time unable to drive or without a car. I've only just started to get more confident doing longer journeys on less familiar roads. Howrver, I am a better driver now at 31 than I was at 22, for sure. There are always improvements even in the space of days, you just might not notice them.

Things that help:

• Just get out there and do it.
• Try & drive with people who lift you up (my dad takes my driving apart so I hate driving with him).

-If you worry about going solo, put the radio on. I feel less alone in the car with Magic FM. Calms me right down!

• Think about goals for driving. I choose days out I'd be better off to driving to.
• Take pass plus or refresher lessons with someone who promises to help nervous drivers.
• Take time choosing the right sat nav set up for you and try to have routes you don't need it for. My confidence went up when I knew some routes - you relax into the roads because you're not focused on sat nav.
• Believe in yourself and try to drive with confidence, think of it as an extension of your body language. You don't need to be aggressive but don't be timid.

You will get better, I promise. Just keep going! I'm trying to go "off satnav" for my commute atm, and drive in more traffic. Every time I do it, I see improvement. Good luck!