Bitching MIL

[Belle82]

Please tell me if you would be a bit put out about this, if not feel free to give me a slap back to reality 😂

I know MIL relationships aren’t always that great for most people, but I always thought I had a great relationship with my MIL until recently.
She went to see her daughter who lives in a different country and she came back and told me a snide comment (mimic’d her voice) about how she always babysits for us, (she said this because my MIL told her she was watching my LG for a quick pregnancy scan we had).

So just to clarify, my husband and I have been “out” once since the start of the first lockdown, (I’m not even sure it was her who babysat)
We have been going through IVF and have asked her to watch our little girl for our embryo transfer and a couple of scans.
And we’ve had probably 3-4 virtual counselling sessions when she wasn’t at nursery (45 minute sessions) and we would always cook dinner after and have her stay for dinner.

We have my MIL over for dinner 2/3 times a week, for no ulterior motive, other than to make sure she never got lonely during the lockdowns. (She lives alone)
I always feel rude asking for her help with baby sitting my LG so I check elsewhere first, bur then she gets offended if we don’t ask her. But when ever she comes over to watch her she always makes it clear that she could have been elsewhere, playing tennis, going for a swim, it going for a walk. So I already feel like a massive inconvenience.

She does bitch about everyone in her life including her own son my DH while he is in ear shot, . So I shouldn’t be very shocked that she complains about us too, (& my SIL would never come out with that kind of comment without it being in response to someone complaining to her). So I suppose this along with the “it’s ok, I could have been doing ….. instead but I can do this” comments and now knowing she bitches about very rarely watching our little one.

AIBU to kind of feel put out a bit?

YANBU - I would stop inviting her round or asking her to babysit but others may disagree

I’d do the same. Not stop inviting but stop making so much of an effort and definitely no babysitting.

So your MIL told you that your SIL made a snide comment about MIL babysitting your daughter?

It wasn't great judgment of her to say this to you, but personally I don't think it's worth getting hung up on, no.

If you're worried MIL is unhappy about babysitting then why don't you just ask her? "MIL, the comment of SIL's you told me about the other day got me thinking... I hope you haven't felt pressured into any babysitting? We definitely don't want that - if you would like to look after DD that would be great, but otherwise we will make sure to find an alternative. And we very much appreciate your help in the past."

I'd be surprised if this isn't met with an assurance that she loves DD and is happy to look after her if you need it. Or if she says she isn't willing to do so, then at least you know.

I wouldn't try to read in too much to her previous comment and I think it's better to be open. Who knows what was behind it? Perhaps SIL genuinely was bemoaning that MIL helps you as you're close whereas she doesn't get any help, being in a foreign country - that wouldn't be an unusual complaint (and it might not have been meant in a mean way, just an observation about the downsides of living far from family).

In general it's annoying if she's bitchy, but if she is good with your DD I wouldn't blow up a positive grand parenting relationship (and possible future source of babysitting) over it personally.

Thank you so much for all your help.
@angstriddenhipster I think I will absolutely use your words in a text (talking about things like that in person never go down too well)
I really don't want the relationship to fall apart so i think that approach is absolutely the right one to take.