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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this petty of me ?

31 replies

Savedbythegym · 13/07/2021 08:46

Aibu to want to buy my dd her first proper bike that she will be learning to ride and use a lot for her birthday rather than grandparents getting it ?
She has one passed down to her wasn't great but was good for her to sit on and get used to as she hasn't learnt to ride yet, grandparents said they'd like to buy her one for her birthday but I feel it's something I'd like to to, I've only got one child so I treasure the firsts as much as I can. But feel rude saying that I'd rather they didn't aibu ?

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 13/07/2021 08:50

So technically this isn't a first! She is already riding a bike. Believe me, in 10 years time, first words, teeth, steps will be important 'firsts', not who bought a bike.
Perhaps select the bike you would like her to have, and give the details to her grandparents.

IcedSpice · 13/07/2021 08:50

Does it really matter where it comes from? Firsts really aren't that important, and you have had many.

Let the gps buy it

FrangipaniBlue · 13/07/2021 08:51

Awwww such a shame you've already ordered her one! 😉

CrouchEndTiger12 · 13/07/2021 08:51

She has had her first bike already so that one has gone.

Second hand or not it is still her first bike.

Constellationstation · 13/07/2021 08:52

I think you should let the gps buy it.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 13/07/2021 08:54

Depends if the dgps are going to let her take it home or not..

ShagMeRiggins · 13/07/2021 08:55

Let the grandparents buy it. You’ll still be the one running behind her holding the seat then letting go!

TwoLeftElbows · 13/07/2021 08:55

I think you're a bit mad. Children get through a lot of bikes as they grow and they really add up if you buy new each time. I would take up their offer and spend your money instead on a toy that your child will many more hours of fun from, or a mini micro scooter.

However it's your money, it's your decision.

Twilightstarbright · 13/07/2021 09:01

If grandparents are happy to buy the bike you want I can’t see the problem. We’ve got a secondhand frog bike for the same price as other brands because I wanted DS to have a Frog bike (lightweight) but MIL just gave me the money for it.

SmileyClare · 13/07/2021 09:02

I think it would be generous of you to allow dds grandparents the pleasure of gifting her a bike. Let them have the enjoyment of that.

It's not rude to refuse their offer but it is a little petty! I'm sure you can think of another present your dd will love. Or what about concentrating on throwing her a great party?

What about a compromise? You could buy the bike accessories? Or all go together to pick out the bike? You could even offer to go 50:50 with gps and make it a joint present.

ChateauMargaux · 13/07/2021 09:03

Either:

  • We've already ordered one..
  • That's lovely, thank you, we have chosen this one, if it's too much, we can go halves..
  • I still remember the first 'xxxx' you bought for me and I really want her to have that memory about her bike.. I know you will understand that as parents.. maybe you could look at buying her a trampoline for the garden, she would love that!!
littletinyboxes · 13/07/2021 09:03

I understand where you are coming from OP. My MIL likes to buy loads of things for the DC and always wants to buy them the 'best' birthday/christmas present (ie the one thing that they have been asking for/hoping for). Logically, I am pleased that she wants to do nice things for them (my own GP never did) and my child will get to enjoy the present so it doesn't matter who bought it. But part of me would like just once to be the person who gives them the one present I know they are really excited about. I have a similar feeling about school plays etc- logically it's lovely that GP want to come along but a selfish part of me would really like to go to one without them so that I can concentrate on being a proud mum and not also having to look after/entertain parents/PIL.

Since MIL always wants to buy the 'main' present (she is quite obsessive about this and starts speaking to the DC about what they want months in advance) now that the DC are a bit older DH and I have started doing an activity (without MIL) as our main gift to the DC. Eg. theme park and stay-over, theatre weekend. That way MIL gets to hand over the 'main' present but we also get to give the DC a really nice surprise.

Indoctro · 13/07/2021 09:04

Club together and get her a decent lightweight one like a Islabike or a frog as it makes a huge difference

But at around £300 they are expensive although Islabikes especially hold there value so you will get most of the money back on it

Wanttocry · 13/07/2021 09:06

I don’t think it’s petty, just a bit strange. But if it is important to you, I’d just say that you were already planning on getting her one - which sounds like it’s true anyway? Regardless of issues around wanting to get something first, I’d always just say if someone suggested getting something I was already planning.

Original poster
Savedbythegym · 13/07/2021 09:06

@littletinyboxes that's a really lovely idea, it's my mil that wants to buy it she quite often steps on my toes with stuff if you know what I mean, it will be the main big present that trumps them all and I don't feel right about that if I'm honest, xx

OP posts:
toastantea · 13/07/2021 09:06

I can't say 'possessions', particularly those which are only temporary through your child life would ever count as 'firsts'

'Firsts' are things like when they actually ride a bike, talk, walk, get a tooth etc. Most of them I have forgotten now my DC are much older anyway.

Who cares who buys the bike. It's not even the first bike as she already has a bike, albeit not up to scratch.

LittleMG · 13/07/2021 09:09

I can understand your point of view and as she’s your cold you get to choose. YANBU

SmileyClare · 13/07/2021 09:12

I have to agree with toastantea

Present giving isn't a competition with the winner being the person who gives the best received or biggest gift.

You're over thinking a generous offer and viewing it as "treading on your toes" or one upmanship. That's probably just because you don't really like your mil. Grin

ivykaty44 · 13/07/2021 09:12

seriously let grandparents buy your dc the bike, its a generous offer and keep your money for something else your dc needs in the future.

Infact set up and account and put the bike money into it, then next time they offer to pay for a "big" present do the same, over the years im sure the money may add up and then will be there when you need it to buy something "big"

MrsClatterbuck · 13/07/2021 09:12

My first bike came from SantaWink

slashlover · 13/07/2021 09:29

I have no idea who bought me my first bike, I do remember my dad running behind holding the seat and my mum sticking a plaster to my knee and clapping when I finally got it.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 13/07/2021 09:33

let them get it. my mum and dad have bought all mu childrens 'firsts' prams, highchair, shoes,bike, ect.

The children won't remember who bought it, but it gives my parents such joy. My dad spent hours researching different bikes, building it the night before Christmas, mum wrapping it awkwardly the realising dad had bought a 'bike bag' Grin

it saved me a huge amount of money, kids were happy, GP's happy. win all round in my opinion.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 13/07/2021 09:35

it's my mil that wants to buy it

Oh this makes more sense then. Its always a MIL Wink

myfuckingfreezer · 13/07/2021 09:58

If you really want to, just say "Oh that's so nice - DP and I had the same thought and have been looking at which to buy! If you want to get her bike presents, how about a helmet/bell/lights etc"

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/07/2021 10:19

This is a bit mad. If your Dd is pre school age she will have no idea what's the 'main' present as that's a finance thing. Someone wants to do something nice for your daughter that you will be involved in (teaching her to ride etc). To me, it doesn't matter who actually paid for it and doesn't make any difference to your daughter. You are making her birthday all about your feelings