To expect my mum to help...at least a bit ??

[macdoodle]

I am 35+4 weeks pregnant with a 6 year old DD, still working, seperated from useless H so essentially a single mum...and am tired!
My mum lives about 3 hours drive away..and has always been shall we say a little mad !
She has always been unpredictable and unreliable...to say the least...and has never been someone to rely on!
Have told her that I would rather she didn't come for xmas this year (baby due boxing day)....and come to see the baby with my sister (who is extremely helpful and reliable) as she is more work than help...
SO she decides she would like to come this weekend to see me and DD before baby is born..but moans before she even comes how ill she is (she isn't), how tired (why), how much effort it is for her....well I'm not bloody driving to her (no where for us to stay cos her house is a shit hole) at 35 weeks pregnant with a 6 year old!!
So I spend all day yesterday rushing around after her ..cooking cleaning etc...she falls asleep on setee snoring at 8pm so doesn't even help with bedtime cleaning up washing dinner dishes etc !
So trying to be positive I think at the very least I will get a lie in this morning as my DD is a very active early riser and my mum is always up early (and I soooo miss at least an hour in bed)....so DD wakes up at 7:30am goes off to find grandma without waking me and 5 mins later is in my bed freezing cold, crying that grandma has gone, switches lights and telly on and proceeds to be her usual cheery active self ...and indeed grandma has disappeared with her smelly dog in her car ?? To where at 7:30 on a sunday morning...
I had mentioned that we always hadpancakes on a sunday, was hoping to come down after a small lie in to pancakes mix done, tidy kitchen..
Instead I have been up with DD, had to wash her breakfast dishes ..she took wet wash out washer but didn't bother to empty drier so now wet stuff draped all over kitchen....and of course no pancakes made...
She arrives back about 10 mins ago...told her quite camly thanks was hoping for just an hour...she starts telling long tale (as is her usual)...of needing petrol and taking dog for walk ..she is not going till tomorrrow so could have got petrol later and we live in lovely semi rural area with woods at bottim of road where she could have walked dog...and she couldn't have waited for DD who adores said stupid dog...
So am pissed off now and would expect just a little help from my mum..sorry for rant feel better now AIBU???

That is OUTRAGIOUS!

Tell her to leave today.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

Well, actually i think you are very unreasonable.....only kidding, of course you're not. I don't think anyone will say you are tbh.

YAB a bit U. I really do sympathise with the fact that you're tired and would like some help, but you can't expect it, and to be fair, you seem to know what your mum is like (ie. not very helpful) so it seems unrealistic to expect her to change overnight just because you want her to.

Sympathies. You'll never change her so continue to manage beautifully without her and don't let her stress you out. Sounds like you're better off with her being 3 hours away! Luckily your sister is supportive, rely on her instead and let ideas of your mum helping just go!

I think YAB a bit U - she is your guest after all.

And as you know what she's like/what to expect, then you should have been explicit about what you wanted and asked her for help, to give you a lie in etc

Sorry, though - you must be so tired by now.

hi mac, bummer about your mum. definately not what you need right now.

suggest you give her a list of jobs and tell her what you want. maybe she'd react better to that rather than being able to glibly ignore everything then retreat into "oh i didn't realise" evasion!

in fact, tell her now that you'd like her to take dd and dog out for a lovely long walk this arvo and if she could just do some veg for dinner before she goes that would be lovely.

then when they go out later get yourself back to bed for an afternoon nap.

failing that, tell her to go to tesco and take dd with her and pick up something nice and easy for dinner and retreat to bed when they've gone out.

hope your day improves.

Well I know IABU to expect her to change...and that is part of it I guess the expectation but knowing she will never be the mum I need right now....
I know she is my guest which is why I am rushing about doing stuff rather than beans on toast for tea My nature is to make sure everything is sorted (the legacy of beng the eldest child with a hopeless mum)...
I tried the I need a lie down when we got home yesterday but she was feeling "ill" (her usual excuse for being useless) and wanted a lie down herself BTW she is 60 (not 80) and despite multiple complaints is not reall ill in any genuine way!
Unfortunately have got my elderly aunt and cousins coming this afternoon (they want my advice she has had a CVA..and I am medical member of family)..I don't mind as I love her dearly as was quite worried about her but not really up to an hours drive each way to see her
Anyway have told mum she can make the sandwiches for everyone for an early supper...we will see...at the moment she has disappeared downstairs again with her mobile and fags and left a messy kitchen after I cooked pancakes for all of us
Oh well one more day (I hope)..am actaully glad to be going to work in morning though she can't even be trusted to pick DD up from school (she had forgotten me and sibs on toooo many occasions for me to trust her).....