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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I haven’t done anything really wrong

23 replies

Urbanhymngirl · 12/07/2021 18:39

Long term friend of 20 years plus making me feel really shit about myself.

She’s about to have her first baby which is great but she’s been giving me a hard time for years about my own family life.

When she was single, it was all about how I wasn’t reliable (my kids were really young at this point & had to cancel a few nights out as one of my kids had bronchiolitis & was in an out of hospital plus I was just knackered from parenting) - I tried my Best but wasn’t always able to go out. She recently had a massive go at me about this.

When she met her partner, she accused me of being jealous and not happy for her because I didn’t visit her (she moved 3 hours away so it wasn’t easy with young kids and a full time job). I did go a couple of times.

She got cross with me for making new mum friends, was critical of my parenting etc etc.

We have basically drifted as our lives were different and she’s made me feel really really guilty about it and like I have done something very wrong. She hasn’t asked me about my kids or life for at least a year and I have had a rough time during the pandemic juggling work and homeschool etc.

It’s really made me feel bad about myself and she is now not really speaking to me. She has made it clear that we can’t know about when her baby is due as it will be announced on social media.

Aibu to feel like my biggest crime has just been to be a busy mum- I have really tried my best to keep the friendship going but it is hard and she’s been demanding. She used to ring 3 times a week when the kids were young at exactly tea time & bed time & then get cross when I couldn’t speak despite me saying after 8 was better.

Aibu? I feel quite fed up about it all. It’s made me feel like a bad person.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 12/07/2021 18:44

No reason to feel bad. She doesn’t know what’s about to hit her. Unfortunately a lot of child free people don’t understand.

You did your best. That’s all that matters.

MadMadMadamMim · 12/07/2021 18:45

I think I'd let this friendship go. She's not much of a friend really, is she? It's all about her and her demands.

I'd probably block her and move on. What does she actually do that enriches your life?

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2021 18:46

She sounds incredibly self centred and rude. You don’t need that level of ignorant opinion chipping away at you.

Be glad she’s pulled away and stop engaging if she ever comes crawling back.

Some people are drains. Surround yourself with radiators.

LuxOlente · 12/07/2021 18:47

She sounds absolutely awful. Do you have any other friends, nice ones? If so, see how barmy she looks by comparison. If not, this is definitely not what a friend should act like. It sounds like she enjoyed keeping you around to feed her ego, but never saw you as a person.

It will hurt, but it will be better for you once she's out of your life. She has only used you.

Janaih · 12/07/2021 18:47

Problem solved if she's not really speaking to you! Leave her to it.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/07/2021 18:48

"friend"

get rid of her already

Urbanhymngirl · 12/07/2021 18:50

I do think it’s all been about her to be honest. I’m just a bit over it! I have lots of other normal friends too thankfully- it’s the longevity of this one. The pandemic has given me time to reflect on it all.

OP posts:
Member984815 · 12/07/2021 18:51

She seems very self absorbed. I'd just let this friendship go

Poptart4 · 12/07/2021 18:57

Why do people hold onto toxic relationships just because they've known the person for x amount of years?

Think about it, if a boyfriend treated you this way you would have dumped him years ago but because she's a 'friend' you put up with it for decades. She's not a friend OP, congratulate her when her baby arrives and then start phasing her out.

Urbanhymngirl · 12/07/2021 18:59

@Poptart4 yea that’s very true actually!

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 12/07/2021 19:13

She doesn't sound like a friend, she sounds like an enemy...

Royalbloo · 12/07/2021 19:14

I wouldn't even congratulate her!

DrSbaitso · 12/07/2021 19:15

Why do women so often feel obliged to stay "friends" with people they don't like?

EKGEMS · 12/07/2021 19:40

I'd have a party if that bitch stopped talking to me-she's doing you a massive favor! You sound like you've been her emotional punching bag when you've been multitasking and trying to work/parent/live/maintain friendships!

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2021 19:49

@DrSbaitso

Why do women so often feel obliged to stay "friends" with people they don't like?
#bekind innit
LetsGoDoDoDo · 12/07/2021 19:50

You sound really lovely and forgiving. She sounds like a massive drain. I would begin to detach myself from the friendship. You deserve better.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/07/2021 19:51

She sounds like a horrible friend

Urbanhymngirl · 12/07/2021 19:51

I’m quite a loyal person & tend to stay in friendships past their sell by date!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/07/2021 20:17

Just step back a bit.
No need to be all dramatic and 'block her' .

You might find the friendship just has run it's course, or you might find - once her own little one arrives - that she reaches out for some advice. Or you might find you don't have much to do with each other for 10 years and then you can become friends again.
Don't let it stress you - just reply (if you want to) when she contacts you.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2021 20:23

You still haven't realised this woman was never your friend, not even at the beginning. Block her and move on.

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 20:24

OP,

She is NOT your friend and hasn't been for years.

All you share is history.

So what?

She is a horrible person, who has been awful to you for years.

Kindly, get a grip and find some self respect.

Thankfully she lives hours away from you.

You have absolutely NO need to stay in contact, so why would you continue to do so?

Flowers
Honeyroar · 12/07/2021 20:30

Well this friendship sounds well past it’s sell by date. Enough of her sulking and telling you off. She’s hours away. Let it slide, and if you get any sulks or lectures I’d just bin her and block. You’ve enough going on.

Sceptre86 · 12/07/2021 20:35

Yabu in overthinking this. You are right, she was a shit friend. Letting her go shouldn't be so much of a hardship! Pull yourself together, if you have lots of other friends then enjoy yourself with them. You are a busy mum, like many others out there, you don't need to apologise for that. She will get an insight into what parenting is like once she has her own child. She might reach out once she realises that parenting isn't always fun but it will be up to you if you choose to respond. Don't be a muggins!

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