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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep DD out of school this week?

29 replies

Wheresthegetupandgo · 12/07/2021 17:44

DD is 7 and has some SN, just finishing year 2. School have told me she is not the problem but I am less convinced and think everyone will be happier if I pull her out for this last week (finish on Friday for summer).

DD is exhausted; tears most nights walking home over the littlest things (tonights was because we were having chicken burgers and waffles for tea and she really wanted that so was apparently crying because she was happy but the tears just kept coming even while she was eating) and is asleep most nights by 6pm – even DDs teacher agrees she’s ready for the holidays

Since Monday last week I’ve had the following calls or had the teacher speak to me at the end of the day:

  • 2 girls in her class caught on CCTV flooding the toilets blamed DD as she was in a cubicle at the time, she was not involved at all and says she got upset and stayed in the toilet when she heard them laughing and saying to blame her (they’d have known she was there as she has a free pass to the toilet due to her SN) – this is on the CCTV apparently, it only looks at the sink area, DD is seen going into the toilet then a few minutes later the girls go in while DDs still in the cubicle, flood the toilets and leave, DD had to be rescued by her 1-1
  • Same 2 girls called DD a baby on the way to the playground at the end of the day (her speech is very immature so she sounds like a 2 or 3 year old not a 7 year old)
  • DD fell over on the playground (not malicious at all DDs 1-1 was there) I was called because DD couldn’t stop crying she was absolutely fine – small graze but just kept crying all afternoon ranging from a few tears to full on sobbing and back again
  • DD and her best friend (who also has SN) were hugging and accidentally banged heads – tears from both
  • DD and her best friend where playing together and the above 2 girls pushed them apart and called them both names
  • DD had two toileting accidents on different days – this isn’t unusual for her due to her SN but they were early in the day compared to her normal ones which are usually around 2-2.30pm – these were both just after morning playtime.
  • DD complaining of pain – again this is normal for her and school can and do give pain medication but it was only an hour after I’d dropped her off so they called to ask me what I wanted to do.

The two girls won’t be in DDs class in September I suspect deliberately but keeping DD away from them is my priority. The girls have had consequences according to the teacher (not told what of course) but the parents don’t agree with the school so they’re allowed to carry on (parents have been over whatsapp trying to find out “which brats reported our kids and got them kept in at playtime as it’s not on”)

As I said DD is exhausted, I have to wake her most mornings now and she’s eating very little at the start and end of the day which is unlike her.

I just want to give her a few duvet days before holiday club next week – she’s looking forward to holiday club as her friends from her out of school activities are going, I don’t want her to be too tired for it.

I have some AL days left I need to use before September and work are usually pretty good at letting me take it at short notice like this (for context I’d have used my leave last year when we were in lockdown but work put me on furlough and then parental leave, I’m a single parent)

WIBU to keep her off? Or do I make her push through until Friday? Shes with ExH this weekend so it won’t be a relaxing weekend but holiday club doesn’t start until Wednesday for her.

OP posts:
Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 12/07/2021 17:52

I'd keep her off and wouldn't give it a second thought personally. It sounds like she really needs some rest and recuperation. Just do it would be my thoughts OP.

HeckyPeck · 12/07/2021 17:56

I would keep her off too. She's had a lot to deal with with the 2 bullies. I'm glad they won't be in her class anymore from September.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 12/07/2021 17:57

Keep her off, let her rest, and don't worry about it. Sometimes being in school is not what they need, they just need some rest.

Tatum1234 · 12/07/2021 17:58

Yes keep her off.

LadyEuphemia · 12/07/2021 17:58

Keep her off and give her some duvet days. She’s 7, it’s not like the do anything the last week of term, mine used to do some colouring and watch movies at school at that age.

She needs a rest, let her stay home. I did the same with my daughter (ASD) throughout school and she’s just done her A Levels.

A few days off here and there can make a big difference to the their MH.

DinosaurDiana · 12/07/2021 18:00

Yes. Keep her off, they get knackered at this time of year.

VaguelyInteresting · 12/07/2021 18:00

Keep her at home- and tell her why (you can see she’s exhausted and want her to have time to recover etc. In age appropriate way) . Even if she doesn’t really register it in the way adults do, you can lay the foundations of a really strong message that will last her a lifetime about self care and wellbeing.

Also- I’m so sorry your daughter is being targeted by these mean girls. I know they’re little too, but honestly...they sound unpleasant

Teacupsandtoast · 12/07/2021 18:00

Yes keep her off. Wee love needs a rest

The3Ls · 12/07/2021 18:01

If she was a grown up we d not consider her fit for work or suggest she took some leave. What will she gain from this next week from powering through? Unlikely anything education wise and definitely not resilience. If you are worried ask for a temporary reduced timetable from school? Then she won't miss anything fun that might be planned.

TokyoSushi · 12/07/2021 18:04

Yes agree, keep her off poor love Flowers

cariadlet · 12/07/2021 18:06

Teacher here. Keep her at home. She sounds absolutely exhausted and needs her mum and plenty of cuddles. The very end of the summer term is generally when least learning goes on so I wouldn't worry about that.

Hm2020 · 12/07/2021 18:06

Your poor daughter sounds like she’s had a really tough time keep her off

TotorosCatBus · 12/07/2021 18:07

Keep her off. No point in struggling this week. Thanks

0None0 · 12/07/2021 18:07

It’s been a hell of a year. Our attendance is very low.(secondary) Unofficially most of us 100% support any parent choosing for their child to skip the end of term, for whatever reason. Can’t say so publicly of course

Wheresthegetupandgo · 12/07/2021 18:08

Thank you, DD doesn't really understand what the two girls have done, she knows it's wrong but she doesn't link everything up so to their just girls who're a bit bad - her best friends the same so I'm grateful for that in some ways, she doesn't see whats happening as bullying.

OP posts:
clarepetal · 12/07/2021 18:11

Poor thing. Keep her off for sure Cake

ThorFull · 12/07/2021 18:19

Oh absolutely keep her off. Sounds like she really needs it.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 12/07/2021 18:31

I've got two SN children and at end of term times, I've absolutely kept them off if things have been too much.

My DS in particular struggles with parties and "fun days" at school - it wasn't fun for him, just overwhelming.

I definitely did an assessment of what benefits there would be by sticking it out. Just getting through the regular school term took enough resilience for my two, especially my son, anything more was just too much. Their mental health needs protecting in the same way as an adult's does.

As an aside, really pleased that those two girls causing the problems won't be in your DD's class next year. Their parents sound a delight.....

Treaclepie19 · 12/07/2021 21:00

Oh bless her. My ds is feeling it too (suspected additional needs) but nothing like your poor little one.
I'm actually a bit teary reading what you've written. Don't feel bad for doing what you think is right Flowers

beela · 12/07/2021 21:05

Keep her off. She sounds exhausted, poor mite (and those girls sound horrible).

ShitPoetryClub · 12/07/2021 21:08

I agree with everyone else, poor little mite, she will be good as new in a few days.

BarryTheKestrel · 12/07/2021 21:12

Absolutely keep her off. Those girls sound like absolute horrors, so glad she'll be in a different class from them next year.

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 12/07/2021 21:18

Definitely keep your DD off school. As other posters have said, the kids won't be doing anything particularly worthwhile so close to the end of term and even if they were, your DD sounds like she needs to have a few duvet days. 🙂

Wheresthegetupandgo · 13/07/2021 21:29

She went in today but I picked her up at lunchtime after my meeting with agreement from the head, she was much better for it, no tears walking home and ate a lot more too so going to send her in for mornings for the rest of the week. They finish at 12.30 on Friday anyway.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 13/07/2021 21:54

Glad she's happier . Mornings only sounds the perfect solution.