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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for the neighbors

27 replies

isolation101 · 12/07/2021 17:10

I apologise now but this isn't really a AIBU I just need traffic and this seems to be the topic to get it!!

My toddler is 2 and is really going through a bad stage of constant tantrums abs has started to scream high pitched when doing so.

I live in a terrace so have someone either side. I'm really aware of how annoying it must be for them having to hear the screaming, shouting and crying all the time...neither have children.

I was thinking of getting them a small gift with a message of 'sorry for all the noise from our toddler...he is just going through a hard time' or something along that line.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/07/2021 17:13

Nice card and Amazon voucher. Than it's on them if they buy headphones or wine.

Unless you know them well enough to know what they eat or like, this might be the safest option. I would appreciate that in this situation. It would make me less murderous 😁 It's nice of you that you are thinking about them.

ShitPoetryClub · 12/07/2021 17:14

I wouldn't OP, I'd just apologise as and when you see them. The walls might be thicker than you realise, old victoriana houses are very solidly built and some new ones are purposefully soundproofed.
If it was an issue surely they would have raised it with you.

ohthatbloodycat · 12/07/2021 18:45

I think it would be a lovely gesture Smile

Icecreamsoda99 · 12/07/2021 19:25

It's very sweet of you, I'd suggest just going to apologise to them to put your mind at ease, you might find that it doesn't disturb them at all, and they take it as part of living in terrace housing. Take your child with you if you can, people find it much easier to accept noise from those they feel like they know Smile

Letsbekindplease · 12/07/2021 19:31

Why don’t you baked them a wee banana loaf and a little card ? Who doesn’t like banana loaf 🍞

Daphnise · 12/07/2021 19:46

I'd really not get involved with gifts to neighbours over noisy children.

If you really must you could mention that you're sorry, but the bigger fuss you make of it all the worse it will be for you in the future.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/07/2021 19:48

@Letsbekindplease

Why don’t you baked them a wee banana loaf and a little card ? Who doesn’t like banana loaf 🍞
If gheey are mumsnetters, the rule is no homemade stuff because everyone is a pig😂
CommanderBurnham · 12/07/2021 19:50

Some earplugs, a voucher and a note I reckon.

Eleoura · 12/07/2021 19:59

@Letsbekindplease

Why don’t you baked them a wee banana loaf and a little card ? Who doesn’t like banana loaf 🍞
Unless she knows the neighbours well, I'd be a bit Hmm accepting a homemade cake from someone I didn't know! I eat everything, but some can't have diary, eggs etc, so home-made food would be a no from me- unless she knows them well.

OP- its a lovely idea and I can guarantee they can hear the screaming- no matter how well insulated it it! How well do you know the neighbours or what they are into? Some ideas, with a card:

  • gift voucher
  • potted rose/orchid or other plant
  • box of chocolates
  • bottle of wine
  • mini-hamper
  • bunch of flowers
30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 20:03

This reply has been deleted

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Purple21 · 12/07/2021 20:08

I think it's a lovely gesture, box of Choc's or flowers would make me happy!

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 12/07/2021 20:10

@Letsbekindplease

Why don’t you baked them a wee banana loaf and a little card ? Who doesn’t like banana loaf 🍞
Me - this is the worst thing you could make me!

I’d just apologise when you see them. It’s a nice gesture but I wouldn’t get them anything.

BackforGood · 12/07/2021 20:13

Good grief don't go buying gifts and particularly not vouchers Hmm

Because I'm not paranoid, I think a little cake you've made (or just 2 small cakes from a little batch) might be nice, but you really don't need to get them anything.
It would be nice if you mentioned something apologetically when you see them, but you'd probably get the utmost sympathy in reply.

Original poster
isolation101 · 13/07/2021 08:24

Thanks everyone. I was only thinking a large bar of dairy milk with a sorry note.

I know the walls are thin as we previously had a child next door that was a screamer, so also know it can be quite annoying.

I wouldn't spend a lot as we don't know them that well. We speak to them on both sides if in the garden.

@30degreesandmeltinghere why didn't I think of that?! I would master what all other parents have struggled with when their toddler is 2 🙄🙄🙄

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 13/07/2021 08:26

Unnecessary but I think most people would appreciate it, I would. Shows even though your life isn’t a bed of rises at the moment, you’re thinking about them.

Parky04 · 13/07/2021 08:38

My next door neighbour has an autistic child and he can have meltdowns from time to time. She is forever apologising, and we tell her not to worry, we know you have it tough. The child really is lovely and always cuts our front lawn. Just mention it once and I'm sure it would be appreciated.

MyAnacondaMight · 13/07/2021 08:40

I would say no gift, just a note explaining that you’re sorry for the disturbance, that you’re doing your best, and you appreciate having them as neighbours. Just be sincere and acknowledge that you understand it must be annoying for them. Bad ideas would be to write the note “from” the child, or make it all about what’s going on for the child, or to make a joke about it.

The gift could be seen as trying to cancel out the screaming, and thereby make the note less sincere.

TwoLeftElbows · 13/07/2021 08:43

I think the big bar of chocolate is spot on OP.

TheNoodlesIncident · 13/07/2021 09:15

I don't think a gift is necessary, it just puts obligations on them (to reciprocate in similar circumstances, to eat something they might not want; dairy intolerances, diets, etc) although a card would be OK, it's not necessary either.

Just let them know you appreciate it's a horrible din and you're trying to soothe and not just letting them rip. What counts is that you're being considerate of them and empathising with them. That's what really makes the difference and makes a situation more tolerable.

I do a particular thing regularly for my NDN and she appears with a card and a treat every so often. I genuinely get the most warm fuzzies from her obvious appreciation, and don't actually need anything else.

ThePlantsitter · 13/07/2021 09:23

I wouldn't. Either they don't mind (or rather do mind but understand) anyway or an apology will not make things better and it will be open season on you. After all, the screaming will not magically stop.

I think it's fine to try to make a good relationship with the neighbours by baking them something etc but I wouldn't explicitly make it about your toddler. You could also mention it in passing but the only answer that is going to make you feel ok is 'we don't hear you at all' and you know that is a lie.

RedBonnet · 13/07/2021 09:34

I think it's a lovely idea - whatever the gift, it shows that you have acknowledged the problem your toddler may be causing. And if it's not a problem for them, they get a kind gift anyway. Who doesn't love an act of kindness? We all should do it more often.

you sound like you have a loving heart - just keep following your instincts - keep on being you x

Onlinedilema · 13/07/2021 09:38

I would get them some thing like flowers, a plant, scented candle. I think it's a lovely idea. Wish my neighbour was as thoughtful.

worktrip · 13/07/2021 09:56

Can't go wrong with nice flowers.

Sweetener12 · 13/07/2021 12:11

Tbh I wouldn't bother.

Sceptre86 · 13/07/2021 14:14

I wouldn't, why draw unnecessary attention to it. He is a young child, many do have tantrums. When you live in close proximity to people you have to put up with daily noise, so kids screaming, dogs barking etc. You could apologise when you see them in passing but I wouldn't go out of my way to address it.

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