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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be tempted to visit a medium?

33 replies

TeddingtonTrashbag · 12/07/2021 14:45

I am totally non-Woo, but a friend’s birthday is soon and when consulted she said she would really like to visit a medium again. She. believes in all that stuff but says she has only ever been convinced by two mediums and is keen to book one of them for her snd ne, if we can get him on that day. I am tempted, mainly because I want to see what questions he asks me for cold readingI have already said that if we go, I will go first so he can’t read anything from her about me and want yo give a false name so he can’t check me our on SM.
What do you think?
YABU - forget it -you are a sceptic and he’ll clock that, so get her a spa day instead
YANBU - it’s her treat, be respectful and go by with the flow

OP posts:
BastardMonkfish · 12/07/2021 14:47

Ah go with it - it's a bit of fun and it is her birthday.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/07/2021 14:50

I wouldn’t arrange this, simply because it lends credence to the idea that these people are genuine and, whilst it might be a bit of fun for your friend right now, who knows how her life might change in later years, and whether she might seek out mediums for help with serious problems or sorrows, and do you really want to have played any part in helping her to believe in this rubbish?

But if you really want her to have this treat then make it clear that you think it’s rubbish peddled by charlatans and that you’ll be giving yourself a fake name and persona and playing along as if it’s correct with whatever the medium makes up about you.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 12/07/2021 14:58

a fake name and persona and playing along as if it’s correct with whatever the medium makes up about you
Yes

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 12/07/2021 15:00

I just couldn’t pay money to these people. I could get it might be interesting. As a skeptic I’d love to see them in action and how they work. End of the day though I wouldn’t want to give them my hard earned cash and make them seem more legitimate by being one of the people to pay for the ‘service’s

tintodeverano2 · 12/07/2021 15:11

@TeddingtonTrashbag

a fake name and persona and playing along as if it’s correct with whatever the medium makes up about you Yes
I've seen a medium a couple of times. Each time giving her a fake name, and she doesn't ask any questions until the end. Spookily accurate. She kept mentioning a particular name and said it was a grandmother. I said no I have no idea who that is and she was pretty insistent that it was correct (not a common name either!). When my nan listened to the recording she said it was her grandmother.

I've seen plenty that ask leading questions and then play up to the replies, like winding these up, especially when it's a public reading! Wink

AlCalavicci · 12/07/2021 15:12

If your friend is really keen on the idea and it would spoil her B'day if you didn't join in then go along with it but make it very clear to her that you think it is all a con and she should not take there word for anything.

If you do go ahead with it , make sure you remove anything that can give them info about you ie ; wedding / engagement ring , St chris' crucifix , high brand clothes ( um put other clothes on , dont just remove the expensive stuff Blush ) etc

TeddingtonTrashbag · 12/07/2021 15:25

make sure you remove anything that can give them info about you ie ; wedding / engagement ring , St chris' crucifix , high brand clothes
Lol have no branded clothes other than George Asda😀)
Good point.

OP posts:
BerriesAndLeaves · 12/07/2021 15:31

I saw two of them about 20 years ago. I went as I was intrigued by what they would say. It certainly didn't convince me they could tell the future. One of them who was supposed to be really good, i could tell what tricks she was using. Neither of them were proven to be right or predicted anything momentous or useful that has happened. I could have done with one of the telling me to suggest my dh get a health check but they didn't

BerriesAndLeaves · 12/07/2021 15:32

Meant to say, I'd still do it with your friend for fun if it's what she'd like

pinkcircustop · 12/07/2021 15:33

I mean, if you want to waste your money and give it to a scammer, sure, by all means go ahead.

KeepingItReal11 · 12/07/2021 15:38

The ‘good mediums’ are actually experts at cold reading which is an interesting psychological technique. I can’t support these so called mediums, I feel they prey on peoples grief and it just doesn’t sit right with me and I don’t want to be pissing on someone’s chips of they’ve found a way to deal with their grief.

UrAWizHarry · 12/07/2021 15:38

Personally I wouldn't because it's all complete bollocks. You may as well give your money to someone claiming to be a Nigerian Prince.

Whatinthelord · 12/07/2021 15:39

@TeddingtonTrashbag

make sure you remove anything that can give them info about you ie ; wedding / engagement ring , St chris' crucifix , high brand clothes Lol have no branded clothes other than George Asda😀) Good point.
Or even better add some different bits that aren’t yours. Could be laugh.
Flugbustingbiz · 12/07/2021 15:42

I don't think you should go/pay because you think it's bullshit. Let someone who believes in that stuff go with her

ParsleyDill · 12/07/2021 15:45

Don't feed charlatans and fraudulent preyers on the vulnerable, bereaved or gullible.

I would imagine that if your friend is tempted to visit a medium, she's bereaved, vulnerable or in some way at a low point, so there will be other, better ways of addressing this.

I have never for a moment believed in this kind of nonsense, but it's telling that the one time I went to a medium (persuaded by my sisters), over 20 years ago, I was a couple of months in recovery after an accident, still visibly disabled, poorly-dressed, unemployed, with no firm future plans, and had had to move back in with my parents.

I think I thought that if she predicted nice nonsense, at least I'd have that as a comfort while I tried to figure out my future -- which shows you how vulnerable I really was.

The funny thing is that she did predict what she clearly thought was a lovely future, based on the nonentity in front of her (I was going to 'settle down' locally, move in with my boyfriend and have a daughter within the year and open my own 'little business, selling things on the internet'), but in fact, despite not presenting to her mind as anyone ambitious or go-getting, within a few months I'd won a major international scholarship for postgraduate study abroad at an elite university, did two further degrees, and lived a fulfilling, career-focused life in other countries, and only had a baby (a son) fifteen years after the 'prediction'. Grin

I remember specifically asking her if I would ever study again, or if I would ever live abroad again, and the answer was an emphatic no in both cases. I imagine because, for her, emigrating was a sign of poverty, and studying was only something you did if you didn't have a job...

Earlydancing · 12/07/2021 15:47

Why wouldn't you go? She wants to and you're intrigued. Win-win. Plus, this is her belief and she is most likely aware that you don't share her belief so I don't think you need to warn her it's a con.

I've been to a few with friends. Some of them thought the mediums were spot on, and some thought they were rubbish. Strangely that correlated with what they believed before they went. 😉

Anyway, just enjoy the day out and don't forget to record it.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 12/07/2021 15:54

don't forget to record it
Covertly or overtly? Not sure the former is legal. Would they agree to the latter?

OP posts:
EmmalineC · 12/07/2021 15:57

I wouldn't visit a medium under any circumstances. It's not entertainment, it's not a laugh, it can be emotionally damaging and these people prey on the bereaved.

My friend's son passed away suddenly and she was contacted by a medium saying

Amdone123 · 12/07/2021 15:57

I wouldn't go because I wouldn't be able to hide my distaste for them. They're scammers, preying on people in their worst times.
I used to believe and went to readings after I lost my mum. Looking back, I was somewhat comforted so in that way, I suppose they provide a service ( but so did counselling and that was free). They never told me anything that only my mum and I would have known. I remember being comforted when 1 said something like my mum was with me when I sat on the couch reading cards of condolence by a lamp. I was blown away by this. Really, I was distraught with grief and would have believed anything.
Who doesn't sit and read cards of condolence when a loved one passes ?!

pigsDOfly · 12/07/2021 15:59

Why would you give money to someone who you know for a fact is ripping you off, even if it is 'just for a laugh'.

Years ago a friend of a friend offered to read Tarot cards for me, didn't cost me anything so I said yes.

Funnily enough, a great many of the things she told me were spot on; things like character and so on. Why? Because it was all so general.

But it also very much depended on how I interpreted what she said and the things that resonated with me, which I therefore picked up on, as to how correct it seemed.

I didn't believe that any of the things she said were being shown to her by a pack of cards, it's nonsense, but I do believe that these people will tell you what you want to hear and know how to 'read' people.

Earlydancing · 12/07/2021 15:59

Haha, yes you have to ask. Not wear a secret buttonhole camera or anything. But all the ones I've been to let you record them. It's difficult to remember everything they say if you don't.

Earlydancing · 12/07/2021 16:05

'Why would you give money to someone who you know for a fact is ripping you off, even if it is 'just for a laugh'.

I look at it as a form of entertainment. I've sat through films that were crap, fell asleep at the theatre, a concert where I left at the interval. I've even been to a casino and lost money. You pick a form of entertainment and pay for it.

BerriesAndLeaves · 12/07/2021 16:12

One of them asked if I had a boyfriend. I said "Yes a fiancé. I'm wearing an engagement ring" Confused

LuxOlente · 12/07/2021 16:12

Go if you want a bit of a laugh and are aware of cold-reading methodology. S/he will make vague statements that everyone wants to agree with:
"You like... choices, in your life. Or perhaps a life of structure."
"You yearn for... adventure. And are a homebody."
"You have... desires. Yet you are also satisfied."
And the hope is then that the customer perks up and starts wittering on in detail, or at least nods and offers signs they're interested.

But in the end, if you know it's all bunk - and it is - then what's the point? You already know you "have thoughts... and also, don't have thoughts" or "have a mother... or perhaps not".

Amdone123 · 12/07/2021 16:18

Also, YouTube has great clips of mediums getting caught out. Now that's entertainment. My favourite is Miklos Javo ; James Van Praagh debunked. Holy Koolaid is good and there's a debunking of the seat belt psychic by a couple of people who set him up by putting false information on Facebook. It's actually quite brilliant.