AIBU - not wanting parents to stay

[AnnmayL]

DH and I are planning a move to Australia early next year. My parents are supportive of the move and have said they would plan to travel to Aus every year Nov-Mar to avoid the winters in the UK. Which is a great plan really. But my parents seem to think they will be able to use our spare room during this time. But we are very private people, we stay with my parents every few weeks but we like to be able to get in the car and go when they eventually start to get on our nerves, which is almost always after around 48hrs!
AIBU to run off to Australia and say to my parents (who have been nothing but supportive of our move) that we can't handle them staying with us for more than 1-2 weeks at a time...

YANBU that’s an insane amount of time to put them up for.
I love my DM dearly but after a weekend I’m ready to kick her out

Well… Australia’s a really big place. Four months is a perfectly reasonable time if they’re planning on touring the country. Staying in your house in a suburb/inner-city apartment somewhere for four months is just intrusive. (And expensive.) I think you need to explain that your home isn’t going to be a holiday destination. People here are also working from home on & off, and I think they need to be realistic about the travel costs, etc.

I wouldn't say anything yet as the reality might be different than what actually happens.
If they do have concrete plans you can lay down some boundaries then.
They might want to tour Australia so they could have a couple of weeks with you when they arrive and then again before they leave.
You can't really expect them to travel all that way for 1 to 2 weeks though. A month would be more reasonable.

Send them links to nice places to stay /campervan hire places!!
Yanbu to have them stay more than a week.

How would your Mum/Dad feel/have felt about their parents/in-laws living with them for 5 months of the year every year?

If they would have been ok with that, it may be a struggle to explain your point of view, if they wouldn't have liked it, that's all you need to say.

"Mum, I know how you would have felt about Nan & Grandad living with us for 5 months of the year, so I know you understand that you can be in Australia but not living with us when you're there.
We love the relationship we have with you know and want it to stay as positive as it is."

I’m surprised they would want to ‘lodge’ with anyone, even family, for that length of time every year. Don’t they want their own space? I say that as a mum with children living overseas. I couldn’t do it for their sakes - and mine! It would be a NO from me.

I would suggest they come on Aus for a holiday abs do a week with you at the start and end as longer than that wouldn't work.

Eek rather your than me

However, if they intend to pay half your rent and expenses…. Might be worth it.

I suspect they're thinking that paying for their own lodging for 3-4 months a year would be prohibitively expensive, and haven't really thought through what an imposition this would be on you. Talk to them about it now.

As Benjamin Franklin said, houseguests are like fish. They start to smell after a few days.

Yanbu at all. Staying for a week or two would maybe make it OK to use your spare room but to effectively invite themselves to live with you for a quarter of the year is a bit much.

When I read threads like these I thank god that my mother is open that she'd be just annoyed with me after a while as I would with her. She's sensible enough to know that adult children often live differently than their parents and usual extended time together in each others pockets isn't fun!!

They are actually suggesting that they live with you for 5 months a year? If that's the case then they need to chip in so that you can afford an annex or granny flat to accommodate them. Sayjng they can only stop for a week to 2 though after such a long flight is a little harsh.

Having family to stay for long periods of time is actually one of my top reasons for not moving abroad (long haul)! Most people I know who have done this have hosted parents etc for 3 weeks plus on a regular basis. Australia is a very long way to visit for shorter periods, flights are expensive which might mean other holidays or holidays within these holidays are out of budget and if retired, why wouldn't they want to stay a while?!

My DM has been know entirely seriously to comment that her friend sees more of her daughter who lives in the Far East (but doesn't work) than DM sees of one of hers who lives in the UK a few hours drive away (and works full time).

I am Australian and I would never just go for 1-2 weeks at a time because of the jet lag and cost issues unless was for a very good reason. Do you think you would be able to afford to go halves in off site accomodation? I would offer to do that.

simples....buy a house with no spare room.

We have relatives that live abroad and always stay in hotels when we visit. Staying in someone elses house for more than a few days is a nightmare for all concerned.

No need to say anything yet. When you do move and they start talking about coming to stay you can then send details of local rental properties for them to choose from. Don't do up a spare room as a bedroom, just have it as an office. Nobody can stay in your home office for months on end, especially if there's any chance you'll be working from home.

Do you have any idea of what sort of property you will be able to move into?

A city apartment? Spacious house with a small self-contained annexe?

The first gives you the chance to say ‘obviously we will need to find you a good value base for your accommodation’, the second could be made to work.

Worst would be a house with one spare room, one reception room, and a string expectation to stay with you.

Start saying now ‘we’ll have to see whether it is possible for us to get a place where we wouldn’t all be on top of each other, but I’m sure there will be affordable options’

Will they be helpful with childcare?

As the move is not that far off, I think you should be upfront about what works for you. Maybe something along the lines of a couple of weeks would be fine but if they plan to stay longer than a few weeks then they should get an Airbnb.

I would start laying the ground work now. Australian House prices might be a bit cheaper than the UK but not much and its unlikely you'll be able to afford a big enough home to have a spare room/space for guests to stay comfortably. While you love the idea of them coming over for the summer, they might need to rent their own flat.