When I’ve said I’d like him to be reliable and actually stick to the time he’s agreed to, he’s gotten a bit hostile and told me that he and his mother have “looked it up” and that if we went to court they’d only make him see the baby once every two weeks so I should be “grateful” he’s doing more.
What a piece of work.
I hope you are celebrating the fact that he is an Ex.
Why would you want a person with this revolting attitude around your child? They may be too small to pick up on it now, but they will, & no child should be made to feel unwanted, neglected, regularly flaked-out on, & above all that they should be grateful for grudging & condescending crumbs from their own parent.
Forget making any arrangements with him bar financial.
(For instance, once he threatened to take me to court for primary custody because I mentioned I was about to run out of nappies, and then later denied that he had said that at all).
Empty, meaningless threat, You know damn well he nor his parents can be arsed - you don't need to worry about this.
It does sound like he’s just bringing up court to get me to shut up.
Of course he is.
But he's a bit thick. Let him see how the legal mechanisms work, when you insist on all further liaison being via the Child Maintenance Service - who will tell him exactly what money he needs to pay for his child.
Above all - STOP the visits at your house.
He is your Ex, he no longer gets to step one foot into your home.
Every time you let him in, is another chance for him to manipulate, control or threaten you.
Document everything - including his unreliability, how he frequently cuts visits short, & his announcement that you should be "grateful" that he turns up at all.
You are no longer in a relationship.
He is no longer allowed to be in your home.
He has to do ALL the work of setting up visits - & they must include a neutral handover point.
Block him on everything except email, & insist that all contact is strictly about visitation. Keep a record of everything he sends you.
Allow the visits to diminish (he won't be arsed long term - although short term be prepared for an "extinction burst" - behavioralinquiry.com/2017/05/10/behavioral-extinction-and-extinction-bursts/ )
Quietly & doggedly pursue a legally mandated & regular child support payment from his c/o the CMS.
You need to detach yourself from this arsehole & his disgusting attitude toward your child. Your child is not going to benefit from your Ex's contact, & you should aim to reduce it as much as possible ... by letting it fade out.
Do not discuss this with him, do not announce your intentions. Just calmly tell him that you are no longer available for any contact other than email discussion of visiting arrangements, & that you will no longer facilitate contact in your home - because you are no longer together, & he does not need to set foot in your house ever again.
Please, above all, stop chasing crumbs from this man. Get him fucked off out of your life as much as you possibly & legally can - & concentrate on making the best life for you & your baby you can.
