To feel conflicted about this

[Junepassing]

Name-changed for this. This is my first post - please be kind!

My situation is maybe a little more unusual and I need some outside perspective. I work as a part time band 3 hca and occasionally do some volunteer work. I'm incredibly lucky in the sense that I don't actually have to work but choose to in order to keep some independence and give back a bit. My husband is a high earner and is supportive and generous, we own a decent size house with large garden outright and have a large savings nest egg. This is not meant to be goady or boastful in the slightest I know how lucky I am and tell myself this every day. I try and give back as much as possible through charitable contributions and volunteering and I realise that I am only in this position because of my husband. (Side note - he earned less than 20k when I met and fell in love with him and lived in a flat share - I definitely didn't marry him for his money!)

My dilemma is as follows. I'm currently studying for an access to HE diploma with a view to applying to university next year - I'm thinking of applying to study physiotherapy. I've recently been having doubts about this. It's a three year full time gruelling course with an hour commute each way to a busy town. I'm quite an anxious person who hates driving, hates change of any kind and due to health problems I feel permanently knackered!

My life now is comfortable and on the whole I'm pretty happy with my lot in life. I have a lot of hobbies and projects which keep me permanently busy as well as a house and large garden to keep on top of. On the other hand I'm starting to get fed up of my job, I can never quite shake the feeling that I'm 'just an HCA' and that I've never gained an education or professional career. I feel like all of our successes are my husbands, not mine. I feel a constant sense of dread and sadness in the pit of my stomach when I go to work and I hate even seeing my 'HCA' name badge. I'm not sure what else I would do though and I don't think I could not work at all.

So what should I do? Be happy as I am as my life's really not so bad or go to university knowing that I might struggle with the commute and workload and potentially regret starting it?

Sorry for the long post didn't want to drip feed!

If you don't need the money then you are at liberty to start and quit if you hate it.

I think I'd do the course, though. Being mentally stimulated is fulfilling, even if it is tough.

Isn't physio really hard to get on to? It was a long while ago but I lived with a physio student and she was only doing it because she didn't quite make the grades for medicine.

She worked so so much harder than the rest of us (doing non medical degrees) over the 3 years. She revised every night and had lots of long placements too.

Is there anything else medical you're interested in that may be less intense? Or something you could study by distance learning?

you dont say how old you are.. but as a woman very close to 60 who didnt have much of a career before children and only did part time jobs once they were in school, i would urge you most strongly to go GO GET A LIFE (not shouting at you but full of emotion) of your own..I have something of the resentment you feel, riding the slip stream of a successful man. I thought being a stay home mother was best for my children and in many ways it was, but it was at the expense of my identity. it turned out not to be the easy choice in life, iam somewhat lazy or shall we say unambitious, but that attitude has come back to bite me now i see so few years left ..
go live

Could you do the course part time?

@Stompythedinosaur

If you don't need the money then you are at liberty to start and quit if you hate it.

I think I'd do the course, though. Being mentally stimulated is fulfilling, even if it is tough.

That's a really good point, but I'd feel like such a failure if I had to drop out and I'd hate to disappoint my husband he's always so supportive of me and I think you're right that I would find it fulfilling.

@earlydoors42

Isn't physio really hard to get on to? It was a long while ago but I lived with a physio student and she was only doing it because she didn't quite make the grades for medicine.

She worked so so much harder than the rest of us (doing non medical degrees) over the 3 years. She revised every night and had lots of long placements too.

Is there anything else medical you're interested in that may be less intense? Or something you could study by distance learning?

I think it is competetive but so are all of the allied health profession courses, even more so since covid. The academic entry requirement are the same as nusring, midwifery etc, although without the stipulation of the gcse maths, english, science, which ironically I have, but they accept this access diploma. I'm also planning to shadow an experience physio at work to get some better insight and experience but I realise it still might not be enough to be accepted on to the course in the first place!

@tootiredtobother

you dont say how old you are.. but as a woman very close to 60 who didnt have much of a career before children and only did part time jobs once they were in school, i would urge you most strongly to go GO GET A LIFE (not shouting at you but full of emotion) of your own..I have something of the resentment you feel, riding the slip stream of a successful man. I thought being a stay home mother was best for my children and in many ways it was, but it was at the expense of my identity. it turned out not to be the easy choice in life, iam somewhat lazy or shall we say unambitious, but that attitude has come back to bite me now i see so few years left .. go live

Thank you for this! How you describe your life is exactly how mine is and I do worry I'll regret not carving out more of a life of my own when I'm older. I'm early thirties.

LightSabre - I would in a heartbeat but there's no option to do it part time

Go for it OP. To be honest it probably sounds worse than it is. I worked as a HCA before I went back to college to do Nursing, a lot of people would have described the course as gruelling to me but I found the workload very manageable even with all the long days on placement. I continued to work 2 days a week as a HCA throughout which it sounds like you wouldn't have to do.

Don't start the course with the attitude that you can always drop our at any time, that sounds terrible for your self esteem.

In your early thirties, I’d guess that you haven’t been married very long? It sounds like there are no shared children either?

Honestly, you need to take control of your own life and do what you need to do to be financially independent.

Chances are, you and your husband will stay very happily married for a long time, but, if you were to split tomorrow, you might find that what you walk away with, topped-up by a HCA salary, won’t be all that much.

Are you sure a Physio degree is the right choice, with your health problems and anxiety? It’s a gruelling job and you need to be physically strong and confident, calm in a crisis, assertive. You’ll need to attend MDT meetings and case conferences. And you may be required to cover nights.

How will you get to placements or rotations if you don’t drive? They can place you anywhere.

In your position I’d choose a job that’s more flexible and less physically and mentally demanding

Thanks for all the comments so far they're really helpful!

Shivawn - thank you I really appreciate your positivity

VodselForDinner - married for ten years, no children and yes I know your right, this is one of the reasons I would never give up work and would like more of a career

@StrangeToSee

Are you sure a Physio degree is the right choice, with your health problems and anxiety? It’s a gruelling job and you need to be physically strong and confident, calm in a crisis, assertive. You’ll need to attend MDT meetings and case conferences. And you may be required to cover nights.

How will you get to placements or rotations if you don’t drive? They can place you anywhere.

In your position I’d choose a job that’s more flexible and less physically and mentally demanding

Health problems are mild and ironically I have to do or be a lot of those things in my current role and I'm okay with that as it's normal for me and in my comfort zone - I have to attend MDT meetings now and regularly have patients keel over in front of me or encounter ones I need to be firm/assertive with

It's more the adjusting to new places, driving in busy traffic, long days away from home I really dread. I do drive but I'm very anxious when it's somewhere I've never driven before and busy traffic, loads of lanes, massive roundabouts. It's the course I dread more than the job at the end really.

I am a firm believer in playing things out in your mind.

Whilst the house and your hobbies etc are great snd keep you busy in 30 years will you look back and think “I wish I had ….”

I think you know you want to change your life but I think your hesitation is maybe

your subconscious saying this isn’t the right course.
Or it could be the perfect course for you but you are going outside your comfort zone and it is scary.

Either way I think you know you need to do something.
If you are sure physiotherapy is truly where your passion lies then go for it but I am thinking if you are questioning the hours commute and the length of the course should you look for something else
It doesn’t have to be in health care. Look at what really makes you happy
When you find it the length of the course and commute won’t look like a problem.

I would carry ont the uni path and make a decision when it arrives. You might feel differently then. In the mean time try to challenge yourself on the perceived barriers (doing more driving, a drive in rush hour). If you find your anxiety changes it mauly reveal to you that you dont actually want to do physio and then you know to review your longer term goal.

My bigger advice is don't discuss these worries with someone unsupportive or you will be easily talked into quitting because you are scared at a time when you need impartial advice, not someone with an agenda.

Thank you for your comments - I really thought you'd all tell me what a silly cow I am but you've been really kind and helpful!

I think I am going to apply, but I know I may not be accepted, so the decision may be taken out of my hands anyway as it is a very competitive course. I'll keep working towards my diploma, even if I don't apply I think it will be useful to have as without it I'll never have the option.

Whilst I realise I am lucky in many ways, I've come to the realisation lately that my role in life is largely that of a skivvy, both at home and at work where I do all of the housework, laundry, pet care, grocery shopping, gardening, then all of the dogs body jobs at work. I've worked in various low paid roles since I was thirteen and feel like I need more from life.

If you hate driving that much, is it worth thinking about moving to live somewhere with better public transport options?

It's a three year course but then you will need to presumably travel to your job when you graduate. Perhaps a move would give you more freedom and help with your anxiety - easy to travel and go to new places and build your confidence?

What about working as physio assistant? Your experience as HCA will be useful, you don’t have to university and you can see if you like the work before committing to doing a degree.

In the post covid world the course may well be restructured with more remote learning. Which may suit you. Obviously not the placements elements. Is the course 12 months a year or will you get long breaks to re charge your batteries?

The journey will only be stressful for the first week or two and then it will become part of your routine.

If you are financially comfortable and want to commit fully to your course you will be able to outsource other things. Online shopping. Meal deliveries. A cleaner.

With a passion for what you want to do. Some practical hands on experience as to what's involved through your work as a hca and with a very supportive husband you will go far x

Thanks - we wouldn't want to move as we're too settled here even though it would be more convenient.

I've thought about it because I'm worried they won't think I have enough physiotherapy experience, but jobs are few and far between and I've had enough of support worker roles really. I'm quite settled in my current job but I feel like I want some progression now and for various reasons nursing isn't for me, I find physiotherapy much more interesting.

Thanks so much cauliflower, you've really made me feel better with your positive words. I think there will be breaks but possibly not as many as a less vocational course. I've been trying to tell myself that I will get used to a new routine and it will only feel really daunting for the first few weeks.

Yes I'm lucky that I could outsource some of those things, even though it will be hard in a way as I'm a complete control freak with the housework etc. but that's a whole other thread! x