to smell a very stinky rat with friend's parents' will?

[lalalonglegs]

My friend has one brother that her parents have always favoured. To cut a long story short, she found their will while staying at their home and discovered that they were planning to leave half their assets to him outright - which is really only their house but that is worth about £1.8 million - and half to her but her half is wrapped up in a complicated trust conditional on her behaviour. There is a strong likelihood that she will not benefit from this trust and will be unable to use its assets - the trust even specifies that she leaves the assets to her brother's children when she dies.

There is a possibility that she will have to pay inheritance tax on this legacy even though she may not benefit from it at all .

She is not a junkie, a drunk or married to Pete Doherty, she earns her own living, is quite a high achiever and very independent but her parents seem to be under the impression that she is feckless and cannot be trusted. She has tried to resolve this by speaking to them and her brother (who is sympathetic but does not do much to sort out the situation).

So, would you stay in touch with the parents or walk away now? Should she tell other people in the family what is going on? Her parents (and her db and sil) seem to expect her to take on the care of her parents as they become older.

thats not on really could you go into the conditions did she ask why she has conditions and not him?

by reading the will , she has opened a pandora's box. if you are of sound mind when you make a will, you can be as capricious as you like.... she shouldn;t tell other family members, as it will make her parents more convinced of her fecklesness. she needs to talk to the parents and try to get to the root of why they do not seem to trust her. they might think they have perfectly good reasons for doing what they have done.

up to her parents to do what they like
if she doesn't want the conditions, she can waive her right to the money
I don't understand why anyone thinks they have a "right" to their parents' cash

and she shouldn't have been poking around in their private papers - shame on her. no wonder they don't trust her

SHe read their will?????
Perhaps their fears are not that unfounded?
That really is quite a transgression imo. Unless they freely showed it to her for her to read, which would obviously put a different spin on it.

Legally speaking, I doubt she has a leg to stand on. If I were her I would say goodbye to the cash tbh and hope the brother has a different view of things and behaves with some honour after their death. However, reading someone's will doesn't suggest that she has much honour - as you have told the story. I hope there are mitigating circumstances to explain why she has done that.

Parents money, they can do what they want with it, as regards trust, I have one and get a small amount of income from it but nowhere as large as the interest ofn £900,000

you can only find a will or similar if you go looking for it - it is a really sneaky thing to do

her parents can do what they like with their assets

she is thinking of walking away from her parents because of money, money they have earnt and can do what they want with - shame on her

And as for the expectationt hat she will look after them int heir dotage - how certain is that? Is she sure or is she just very cross and casting around for grievances?
She needs to talk to her brother about how their parents' old age is going to go. She needs to talk to her parents. It may be that there is absolutely no expectation whatsoever.
I mean, we all have to do this, it's hardly unusual (though it is very difficult).

If she doesn't want to look after them don't what goes around comes around (in every sense)
However my sympathy is somewhat limited for someone who even has a micro gripe about inheriting 1.8 million!!
And what was she doing reading their will that really is the kind of thing which will lead to no good, but she knows that now doesn't she

I agree that she cannot demand a share of her parents' money but it isn't really about the money ultimately. It's about the fact that they have always favoured her brother and, after suspecting that she was always second best, she finally has concrete evidence of it. It is hurtful and divisive.

She has tried speaking to them about the will but they became hysterical and sulky when she tried to broach the subject. They certainly won't tell her why the will has been structured in the way it has. I think that it is because they would like to leave everything to her brother and his children but realise that that would be frowned on by all the rest of the extended family so, by spreading rumours that she is unstable and feckless (not true imo) they can ringfence her portion until it passes down to his children - she is single and childless by the way.

If they favour the brother there's nothing she can do about it at this stage. In that case I certainly wouldn't be on bottom wiping duty when dementia sinks in.
I believe you can challange the terms of a will but you'd need a lawyer to find out when

Sorry not when but how

The thing is people can do whatever they like with their money and those "left behind" might never get to the bottom of why money was left to some but not others.

You have no way of knowing whether something has gone on between your friend/her parents/her brother that you are not aware of.

My Mum is in an awkward situation at the moment -she and some of her cousins have each been left a (substantial) amount of money by an uncle who didn't have children of his own . However, my Mum's brother and one other cousin haven't been left anything. Nobody seems to know why but, as I said to Mum, she shouldn't feel bad as her uncle must have had his reasons (he was of sound mind when he made the will with his solicitor).

Nowt like a will to get people arguing within families.

If her parents put behavioural conditions on the money then I'd be inclined to think, whilst they are perhaps not doing the best to soothe relations, that they know her better than anyone and must have very good reasons for their choice.

Looking at their will is very off btw.

I dont believe parents would want extended family to believe that their daughter was 'unstable and reckless' just so they could not give her any money after they're dead.

I'm surprised how many posters think that she has been sneaky for reading the will! There's no way I could come across something like that and resist teh temptation to read it!!!!

Well, I certainly know how it feels to be the unfavoured sibling, and it does hurt, immensely, but you do sort of get over it.
If she is feeling this bad, if they won't talk to her, if she is stooping so low as to sneak about reading their will - cutting ties is a big step, the biggest, but why doesn't she just move away, cut down contact, not bother herself with them? All that is not that hard to do (I speak from some experience) especially if no children, and unless they are very needy, doesn't have to be messy. You make it known that you don't ring because your life isn't that interesting, you say "Oh I've been meaning to get in touch, what a coincidence", you find yourself too tediously busy to visit.
Stuff the money, really.
I still think it is confirming their image of her to go about reading their will and then confronting them about it!

I am very nosy though...

me too bellabelly

I think the point is, that you dont just come across a will, do you?
You'd surely have to go lookig for it, or at least looking for something.

parents can leave money to who they want. If those who inherit the money feel its unfair they can make a deed of variation or simply give some of it away. My family did this when one person felt aggreived, money is not everything.

She had no business to read the will - presumably she went looking for it to confirm her suspicions. Wills aren't generally left around to be read. It does tend to suggest her parents have good reason for their behaviour.

Children don't have to care for parents in old age unless they want to do so. The parents can sell or mortgage the house and pay for their own care.

If she only cares about her parents for money she should walk away now. If she only wants to care for them in exchange for part of the house she can tell them that.
BTW my parents always favoured one of my siblings too. Sure it hurts - but once you're adult you find people who prefer you. She should grow up, accept that life is unfair and be kind to her parents for what they did for her, ignoring what they have done for anyone else.

Only read OP. It's up to the parents what they do with their money. It is their money after all and not hers. However, I can understand that she would feel very disappointed and hurt. Sometimes parents do favour one child over another and it can be due to nothing more than a simple personality clash with the unfavoured one. It hurts, but that's life.

money seems to bring out the worst in some people, it really does. she would walk away from her parents because she does not feel the will favours her enough? and she thinks they are hysterical and sulky..

surely instead of worrying about the money she will get when they are dead, she should think about concentrating on improving hte relationship she has with them when they are alive.

How does she get on with her brother? If they get on well and he is a decent sort, then she should trust him to do the right thing and share the estate with her once their parents have died.

If my parents left me the lion's share of their estate, leaving little to either of my sisters, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't even things out.