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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mistake or Cold Feet

26 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 12/07/2021 03:05

I've spent a solid year planning a move across the world, from NZ to NYC. This included getting a great job and being long distance with boyfriend for almost 10 months. I was so driven and felt this move would massively improve my life.

I'm sitting in LAX now, waiting for the connecting flight, from which he will pick me up, feeling nothing except low level dread. My motivation has evaporated, there is no excitement.

Do you think this is just the heat of the moment, or is it a bad sign to feel so bad?

OP posts:
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 12/07/2021 03:38

It is completely normal to be terrified when doing such a big move. I know when I emigrated I remember sitting in the airport thinking WTF have I done! I just told myself if it didn't work out, I could always go back, planes go both ways (although not so much these days!). Good luck, I am sure you will be fine!

wendyoz · 12/07/2021 03:50

Perfectly normal. I have moved to and lived in 5 different countries for career opportunities. I reckon it takes 12-18 months to feel settled and even after that I will still have the occasional wtf have I done day..

Bashfulinseduary · 12/07/2021 03:50

I had exactly the same feelings at the airport when we moved to the US.
I think part of it is that getting ready to make the move is so busy, this moment is a weird pause before you arrive and get busy again building your fabulous new life.
Keep being brave, it will be great.

PluralPatty · 12/07/2021 03:51

I live in New York and despite huge reservations about uprooting my life and that of my family, it turned out to be a great choice for all of us. Especially my husband who met another woman two weeks after we moved here and eventually left me for her. But it did turn out alright in the end for all of us and I love living here.

If you need any help finding stuff out or just general advice, ask away

Original poster
ThePriceOfSugar · 12/07/2021 04:42

Thank you so much for the reassurance. I was actually saying "what have I done?" in my mind over and over...

Everyone in my life is so excited for me and it feels so weird sharing none of it.

Thank you @PluralPatty for the offer of advice, I will remember to ask you later. Sorry about the husband story :/

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 04:48

@PluralPatty

I live in New York and despite huge reservations about uprooting my life and that of my family, it turned out to be a great choice for all of us. Especially my husband who met another woman two weeks after we moved here and eventually left me for her. But it did turn out alright in the end for all of us and I love living here.

If you need any help finding stuff out or just general advice, ask away

Gosh I am so sorry 😳

OP give yourself time to recover .. and see how things look then.. be kind to yourself.. its been a tough year for everyone .. think of this as your chance to feel free... if you don't enjoy it.. go home to NZ or try another state etc 🌸

Monty27 · 12/07/2021 04:55

Always remember if you want to go home you can. Good luck OP and I wish you every success. 👍🏼

ohfook · 12/07/2021 05:18

Cold feet and as someone who's done this a few times, I can say that it's totally normal too to feel like this too. Enjoy your adventure!

Original poster
ThePriceOfSugar · 12/07/2021 05:23

I'm on the Chardonnay at the United Lounge and feeling better already 🥴. Thank you mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Catflapkitkat · 12/07/2021 06:33

Wishing you the best of love and luck in your new life

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 12/07/2021 06:40

Glad you’re feeling better; whenever I make a massive decision I get worried at the last minute and get cold feet, very normal and doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do

Sleepingdogs12 · 12/07/2021 06:47

Well done on making it happen. Someone once told me if you don't have doubts when doing something big you haven't thought about it enough.

HeartIess · 12/07/2021 06:54

I am so full of envy for you OP

It’s taken a lot of planning and envy and you’re probs slightly burnt out with it all.

You’ll be fine once you actually get there - the excitement is amazing moving country and every time I’ve done it, it’s been brilliant

HeartIess · 12/07/2021 06:54

Energy not envy 😂

garlictwist · 12/07/2021 06:57

I moved to France on my own when I was 20 and I didn't leave my flat for a week when I first got there as I felt so scared and wondered what I'd done. As soon as I got out there and started my new life things were much better. I'd say it's completely normal to question what you're doing when you have actively chosen to give up a settled life somewhere for the unknown.

Best of luck with your new adventure!

redtshirt50 · 12/07/2021 07:11

This is totally normal, when I moved country I felt sick the whole plane ride because I was worrying if I’d made the right decision. I even went to the bathroom at one point because I thought I was going to be physically sick!

As a PP said I still get days where I feel overwhelmed by my decision and miss home but most of the time I’m proud of myself for working towards the life I want :)

The travel restrictions going on right now are probably making everything worse because there’s less certainty about visiting home etc

Also, I’m slightly jealous! I spent a few months working in NYC when I was younger and loved it, I always think I wouldn’t mind living there one day if life takes me in that direction.

There’s so much to explore there! Plus the whole of America / Canada / Central America and South America on your doorstep

Original poster
ThePriceOfSugar · 12/07/2021 07:16

Thank you again for the encouragement!! It's such a relief to know this horrible doubt is normal, and it's cheering me up a lot to read! I'm boarding now for Newark...

OP posts:
M1rror7ImageL · 12/07/2021 08:44

If you had not moved, you would be thinking, what if ?

Good luck with your new life

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 08:53

OP,

You sound so brave.

This is an experience of a lifetime.

You never regret the things you do, only the ones you don't.

Of course you will have wobbles and even feel a bit lonely for familiar things, but this is going to an incredible experience for you.

NYC, you lucky, lucky woman.

Update us as you go along, I would love to hear how things go.
Flowers

Liverbird77 · 12/07/2021 08:54

Best of luck with everything!
If you're anything like me, you'll be freaking out at the thought of such a huge change.
Whatever happens, you're embarking on a great adventure!

Member984815 · 12/07/2021 09:28

Best of luck ,

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 12:24

Good Luck 🥳🌸

Original poster
ThePriceOfSugar · 12/07/2021 17:44

Have been in the apartment for a few hours and already starting to feel both settled and excited 🥰. The acute action stage (resigning, shipping, moving out of flat, visa etc) took about 5 weeks and made the move feel like such a stressful ordeal. But now I'm here, it's warm, the traffic is buzzing, I'm getting a cuddle... Thank you for talking me down mesdames.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 18:10

@ThePriceOfSugar

Have been in the apartment for a few hours and already starting to feel both settled and excited 🥰. The acute action stage (resigning, shipping, moving out of flat, visa etc) took about 5 weeks and made the move feel like such a stressful ordeal. But now I'm here, it's warm, the traffic is buzzing, I'm getting a cuddle... Thank you for talking me down mesdames.

Aawww bless you and enjoy your new City home.... 💕🌸

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 18:29

I did something similar many years ago.

Best decision ever.

What an exciting city to call home.
Flowers