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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel that men use dating apps because they have poor social skills

39 replies

Fruitypie2021 · 11/07/2021 21:54

I’m possibly exploring the idea of dating apps, although I do prefer meeting people organically.

Am I being unreasonable to think that men that use dating apps usually have poor social skills in real life, hence why they use dating apps?

This is a factor that is putting me off, because I really don’t want to deal with that….

I also don’t buy the excuse that ‘people that use dating apps may use them due to not having time to meet people in real life’ because that also leads me to think that if that is the reason you’re on a dating app, surely you also won’t have time for a relationship…

OP posts:

motogogo · 12/07/2021 07:32

Everyone (well all kinds of people) use dating apps these days. Meeting people in other situations is no longer the default, we are much warier and more aware that it's inappropriate to "chat up" someone in a bar etc

cookiecreampie · 12/07/2021 07:32

Everyone who wants to find someone is doing online dating these days. You're not going to be walking round Asda and bump into the person of your dreams like in a film.

Whoarethewho · 12/07/2021 07:33

@Cocopogo

If by social skills you mean men are finally getting the message not to harass women in bars and are using a mutual app instead to make a connection…YABVU

This in spades. Men can't win talk to a woman and you get accused of harassment use an app and poor social skills are claimed.

motogogo · 12/07/2021 07:34

Ps worked for me . He's snoring loudly next to me

x2boys · 12/07/2021 07:41

@Fruitypie2021

I should say my comment about men’s social skills is based off previous experience . I met my ex on a dating app, and based on a guy I met before meeting him, as well as some things regarding my ex, that’s why I have these thoughts

So on your sum total of two men you have met you have come to this conclusion? Dating apps were not a thing before I met dh, but surely its just a way of meeting people?

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2021 08:05

My boyfriend was on dating apps. We met because he is a neighbour of a relative, though. We are in our 50's. He'd cut down on drinking, didn't have children/grandchildren so the invites to mix were single women might be, wasn't as many. He's a taxi driver and didn't want to come across as a creep, so considered passengers off limits. He has excellent social skills and is a people person. It's creepy to try to pick up women in gyms and hobby places, as said, men are finally getting the message.

Passingahat · 12/07/2021 08:05

I met my dp on dating app.

I wasn't confident to cold approach people in pubs, or real life situations. I also wouldn't have appreciated or responded well to people chatting me up in casual situations. I wouldn't want to be chatted up at work for example and I think lots of people are now aware of how awkward and intimidating that can be. What if the person felt intimidated? Wasn't single? Was single but didn't fancy you? Ill never forget how betrayed I felt when a friendship turned out to just be a long preamble into asking me out.

Online dating cuts through all the pre amble, you know that this person is in it to get a date, that they are single and engaging with you with the aim of going for a date.

I also would never have met dp due to the geographical separation. We don't have friends in common.

HugeAckmansWife · 12/07/2021 08:29

And yy to life not being a film. In the 6 or so years I was single my very first boyfriend from when I was about 12 turned up. We had a bit of a fling but it wasn't happy ever after. I moved to a new village, sadly neither the neighbour, Gardner, man who ran the local cafe or dads at the school were great looking, recently widowed so edgy but with a heart of gold who should, if fiction be believed, miraculously fall for me and I him. Not saying it never happens but aps are used by all and sundry now, some twats, most not.

ChristmasFluff · 12/07/2021 08:58

All sorts of people use dating apps.

If you are repeatedly choosing men with poor social skills, maybe there's something about your screening criteria that you need to look at.

Naunet · 12/07/2021 09:11

No, well not as a blanket rule at least, but I do think a portion regard them as a free prostitution site, going off the way they interact with women.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 12/07/2021 09:14

As with everything, some will and some won't.
My DP (we met on POF) has poor social skills but so do I. Neither of us has a social life as we have zero interest in socialising with others.
We also both worked long hours and would struggle to have time to meet someone, so yes, there is truth in people being too busy to meet someone. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't have time for a relationship. If you meet someone you are willing to make sacrifices for, you do.
Also it could be about shyness rather than poor social skills - I've met several blokes that are just too shy to walk up to someone in a bar etc.

My brother is incredibly confident and very social usually, yet feels he cannot approach women without feeling like an idiot. He met his DP on a site where women make the first move.

HomerSimpsonsDonut · 12/07/2021 09:15

Women use them too...

grapewine · 12/07/2021 09:18

Blanket statement based on a sample of two men. YABU. Maybe you made some wrong decisions.

Mumoblue · 12/07/2021 09:25

I mean, we’re in a pandemic, it’s not like there’s a lot of ways to meet people right now. 😂

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